Aah. I was going to wait until I read unitl the end, but here goes. First off, you're braver than I writing a story and putting it out, but I do have some CC. It's a tad too fluffy, and the sentence fluency makes it harder to read. All the sentences are long and while it needs to flow, that way makes it run together in such a way that it's hard to just sit there and read through it. That's mainly why I'm reviewing now. Also, it's too easy. And too quick, give them time to develop. You have two characters who have many walls, and wihle they may attract to each other quicker than anyone else, it still takes time. Neither are trusting individuals. This is one of the pairings that alot of people like for the angst, the things that they have to get through to be together. [I think it has a lot of Romeo/Juliet, personally.] Also, you seem to give us a little too much information. If you just say 'Why is she getting to me this way?' without the added 'Oh, because...' It will make your reader grin and say "Because you like her!" You're not being mean enough to you're characters. =D Slow it down a little and throw us some surprises and angst and it should kick butt. Also, if you want to contact me: ShyAngel_892@hotmail.com

Author's Response: First of all, I loved your advice, so thank you so much for leaving a review. Secondly, I know that the story is extremely rushed and needs a lot of work, but at the time when I first posted it, it seemed fine to me. However, looking back, there are many improvements to be made. But without the extra time to do so, for now the story will stay as it is. Thanks again for the great review!