Name: Len reviewed
Rumors on Jun 28, 2008 01:13 pm
the idea is very interesting. maybe you should change a bit your writing structure. don't worry, it's not that bad and this is your first fic, isn't it? so take it easy and you'll see how you'll get better ;)
update as soon as you can, please
Name: Kalira reviewed
Rumors on Jan 06, 2008 06:20 am
A promising start. But you might want to vary your sentence structure. nearly every sentence in the first paragraph started with He, and it was quite distracting. But other than that, it was a good chapter :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much. I am indeed trying to rewrite the first chapter to reduce the length of the paragraph and some other modification. I will keep this in mind as well. Thanks again.
Name: 0630938 reviewed
Rumors on Jan 05, 2008 09:41 am
Hey your idea is interesting but your writing is too fragmented and forced you might want to read your text out loud because it help a lot in finding stagger-y sentences
Author's Response: Thanks. And I also feel the paragraphs are long. I will edit it soon.