The Cabbage Capers by Rainpuddle
Past Featured StorySummary: Continuation of And Baby Makes Three. Draco and Ginny are the parents of two young sons. See who wins the battle for control of the Malfoy household. A collection of cookies and stories. This story is open ended, but technically complete. Each chapter is a stand alone story.
Categories: Long and Completed Characters: None
Compliant with: None
Era: None
Genres: Humor
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 9 Completed: Yes Word count: 25174 Read: 42545 Published: May 18, 2004 Updated: Jan 22, 2006
Troubles in the Liamocracy by Rainpuddle
Disclaimer: I don't own this, JKR and her various publishing companies do.

Troubles in the Liamocracy

Liam sighed as he watched his Mum wipe her eyes.

They were standing in front of his classroom at St. George’s Primary School for Little Witches and Wizards, a quite prestigious private school for the wealthiest of the wealthy in the wizarding world. His parents fought all summer over whether to school him at home or send him to the school his Da had attended as a child. Muggle school was not even a consideration.

Obviously, his father won that battle for here he was about to embark on his first day of schooling. If anyone had bothered to ask him, he would have informed them he’d much rather have stayed home with Mum. But neither of his parents was interested in his opinion.

“My baby is so grown up,” his Mum said to no one particular. “I can’t believe he’s starting school. It seems like only yesterday he was still a baby in nappies.”

“We’ve been through this,” his father said with a hint of frustration lacing his voice. “It’s for the best. Now come on before you make a scene.” He reached for her hand.

“In a second,” she insisted, dropping down to her knees before Liam. She fussed with his clothes, making sure everything was neatly in place. “You have a good day baby, I’m going to miss you so much.”

He politely kissed her cheek, but squirmed when she hugged him for too long, acutely aware of all the families surrounding them. “Mum.”

“Ginny, please before you embarrass the boy anymore,” his father coaxed, gently rubbing the back of her neck. “Maybe we’ll drop Gareth off at your Mum’s and I’ll take you home.”

“All right, all right,” she gave in, finally standing up, but not before she gave his hair one last finger brush. “I’m going to miss you so much, baby.”

“I want to go home, Mummy,” Liam stated simply.

“I know, baby.”

“I’ll take very good care of him, Mrs. Malfoy,” a tall, dark haired woman said soothingly as she walked up. It was his teacher, Ms. Thomas. They had met her the previous week during an open house. “It’s almost time for class to begin so I’ll take him from here.”

“It’s not too late too change our minds is it, Draco?” his Mum pleaded. “I can school him at home!”

Liam looked up expectantly at his parents. This was his chance to escape the indignity of having to attend school. Besides, he really wasn’t looking forward to the prospect of having to get up early every day.
“Mrs. Malfoy, Liam will be in the best possible care while he is here.” His teacher reached down and took his hand. “Are you ready to meet your classmates?”

“Da?” he asked softly.

“Have a good day, little monster,” his father said lovingly as he lightly patted his head. “We’ll see you this afternoon. Gareth say goodbye to your brother.”

His little brother finally raised his head up off their father’s shoulder so he could wave at him. “Bye,” he said with a soft sniffle.

“All right, Gin, it’s time,” Da stated, taking his Mum’s hand to lead her away.

Liam watched his Da, his Mum and his little brother disappear down the corridor toward the Apparation point. Gareth had squirmed to get down, taking up position between their parents, holding a hand of each so he could swing back and forth.

Mrs. Thomas smiled down at him kindly. “Oh, Liam, don’t frown. The first day is always the hardest, but I promise it will get better. Come on, let’s go inside and meet your classmates.”

The morning was spent getting to know the four boys and three girls that made up his class, learning the rules and being introduced to the classroom pets. The fish were pretty, but the snow white ferret named Yuki had to be his favorite. The day had gone smoothly, except for a minor problem during snack time when he was quite disturbed to learn he would be expected to eat whatever disgusting little crisps the school provided. He was accustomed to having strawberries and cream, and he decided that his Mum was just going to have to pack him a snack from now on if he was expected to suffer this torture everyday.

He spent much of his time observing his fellow classmates, debating on which ones he’d associate with while he was being forced against his will to spend all day in a strange place. Anything to make it slightly more bearable.

He quickly dismissed two of the three girls because they had already formed a tight, giggly little group. One of the boys was clumsy and kept making a mess of everything. Being the fastidious child that he was, Liam quickly rejected any notion of being friends with him. Definite Hufflepuffs, all of them. Another two of the boys were twins, and if his uncles were any indication, there was no need to butt in there. He had no desire to be a third wheel. Besides they stank of Gryffindor.

The choice came down between a red-headed girl in a plaid dress and a boy much larger than him.

Liam carefully weighed his options just like his Da taught him.

The giggly girls had made it a point to exclude the red-haired girl when she tried to play with them. He smiled as he watched her let loose the ferret, causing much commotion as the little animal ran frantically around the room with the twins chasing after it. She deftly shifted blame from herself to the other girls who happened to be playing near the cage. They were soundly scolded, causing an outburst of tears. The girl in the plaid dress smiled slyly at her handiwork. Definite Slytherin.

Liam suddenly found he had an immense liking for her. Besides, she had red hair like his Mum, she couldn’t be all that bad.

He wandered over in her direction after a while. “Hullo.”

“Hello.” She didn’t look up from the blocks she was playing with.

“Can I play?”

She looked up then, regarding him with furrowed brows a few moments before a smile brightened her face. “Okay.”

“Who’s that?” he asked as he carefully sat down on the floor beside her, motioning toward the stuffed blue elephant she seemed to be guarding with her life.

“That’s Sampson,” she said happily. “He goes everywhere with me.”

A pang of jealously tightened in his chest. He’d wanted to bring Gustav with him to school this morning, but his father put an immediate halt to that notion. Not even a barrage of tears helped his cause so he’d handed the beloved duck over to his Mum for safe keeping. “Oh, he’s very nice. Can I hold him?”

She looked him up and down carefully before handing Sampson over. “What’s your name?”

“Liam Malfoy.” He carefully handled the elephant, noting it was not as soft as his Gustav, but it didn’t keep him from giving it a quick hug before handing it back.

“I’m Lucy Ann Honeychurch. My Daddy works for your Daddy.”

“Da,” he corrected her. “He works for my Da.”

“What do you want to play?” she asked.


She wrinkled her little nose. “How about house? I could be the Mummy and you could be the Dad..Da, and Sampson can be the baby.”

Liam sighed, having not been around many girls, he’d not foreseen this major problem. He glanced back over to the last boy under consideration - he was sampling the water from the fish tank. That sealed his fate. Lucy Ann was his best option. “Okay, but I’m an Auror.”

“Okay,” she said agreeably before promptly bossing him around.

They read to Sampson, fed him dinner, played with him, put him down to sleep, and woke him up in the morning. Liam almost felt like he was back at home only if Sampson was Gareth and he was watching his parents. It was oddly comforting.
“Now it’s time for you to go to work,” she directed him, holding Sampson up to him. “Now say goodbye to the baby.”

Liam obediently patted Sampson, giving him a quick peck before announcing, “I’m off to work to catch dark wizards and send them to Azkaban!” He then leaned forward to give Lucy Ann a quick kiss on the mouth just like his Da gave his Mum every morning.

She spluttered indignantly just before clubbing him with her right fist. He fell backwards on the floor clutching the side of his face, trying desperately not to cry.

“What is going on here?” Mrs. Thomas demanded, leaving the giggly girls behind in her wake. “One minute you’re playing quietly and the next you’re fighting!”

“He kissed me!” Lucy Ann complained bitterly.

“She hit me,” Liam managed to get out.

“To the Head Mistress’ office with the both of you!” The teacher cast a couple quick spells to keep the class in order while she took the two mischief makers to the main office.

The time between being told to sit in the chair across from Lucy Ann and behave until his parents showed up felt like an eternity to Liam. The headmistress seemed quite displeased with the turn of events in the kindergarten class on the first day off the new school year. The side of his face hurt and he just really wanted to go home.

His Mum burst into the office in a whirlwind of robes and flying hair. “Liam! Oh Merlin, your face! My poor baby!” She quickly gathered him in his arms. “Are you okay?”

Liam nodded against her shoulder. He was afraid to look up at his father who’d trailed in behind his mother with a none-too-happy look upon his face. “Fighting with a girl?” he asked sternly.

He shook his head. “No, she hit me.”

“What did you do?”

“I kissed her,” he croaked.

“Lucy Ann Honeychuch!” a tall, older wizard exclaimed as he stepped into the office with a petite red haired witch right behind him.

His father turned around. “Honeychurch?”

“Mr. Malfoy,” the man stated stiffly.

“Good, we’re all here. My office please,” said the head mistress, a dour looking older witch dressed in black robes.

Liam stood by his Mum’s chair, holding her hand while the adults sorted out the problem. He would occasionally hazard a glance at Lucy Ann who was sitting protectively on her Mum’s lap. She’d smile back at him every time.

He told his side of the story when he was prompted, explaining that he only kissed her because that was what his Da did every morning before he left for work. He then explained how his Da was always kissing his Mum in the kitchen, in the sitting room, in the study, everywhere really, even in public. His Mum silenced him with a hand over his mouth as her embarrassment shone brightly upon her cheeks.

Lucy Ann and Liam were sent to wait in the chairs by the head mistress’ office door while the grown ups decided what to do about the situation. He picked the chair closest to the window so he could stare out at freedom he was being denied by having to go to school. If he was at home at that moment, he’d be outside running about in the gardens with Gareth chasing gnomes.

She slid into the chair next to him once he got settled, sitting as close to him as possible without actually touching him.

“Are you mad at me?” she asked after a while.

“No,” he answered softly.

“Are we still friends?”

“I guess.”

“Good. I don’t like the other kids in class.”

“Me either.”

“Then it’s us against them.”

Liam nodded then. “I liked how you got those girls in trouble.”

“I learned that from my brother. He’s always getting our sister in trouble like that,” she giggled.

The opening of the door silenced any further conversation. Their parents filed out followed by the head mistress.

“You two are no longer in trouble,” the head mistress announced, “but I don’t want to see either you in my office again. Do you understand?”

“Yes, ma’am,” they said in perfect unison.

“There will be no more kissing or hitting,” she continued on.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“You’re free to return to class. Miss Tynsdale will escort you back.”

His Mum pulled him to the side to cast a healing charm on his black eye. “Liam, baby, I want you stay away from that girl. She’ll only get you into trouble.”

“Mum!” he cried, “we’re friends!”

“Make others,” his Da chimed in.

“But Da! They’re all so Hufflepuff!” He looked up at his father to plead his case.


“There is nothing wrong with Hufflepuffs,” his Mum cut in.

Both Liam and his father looked at her as if she’s finally gone around the bend.

“They are very scary, Mum! One drank water out of the fish tank before Mrs. Thomas stopped him!”

“Oh,” she said as she reconsidered her position.

“We have a white ferret for a class pet! I love him! I want one!” Liam said excitedly

“No,” his father said swiftly, giving his Mum a very hard look at she nearly keeled over laughing. “You have a cat.”

“But, he’s so soft and cuddly! He could stay in my room and I’d love him forever! I’d name him-”

“I said no. Need I remind you that you live in a dictatorship not a Liamocracy? What I say goes, period.” Da had turned an unflattering shade of red.

“But Draco, sweetheart,” his Mum said in a sing songy voice. “He just wants an itty bitty bouncing white ferret.”

Liam watched his parents hopefully. Mum was very good at getting her way with Da. He wasn’t sure how she did it, but at this point he didn’t care if it got him a ferret.

“No means no,” his father stated very firmly. “There will be no more talk of pet ferrets as long as I’m alive.”

He sighed heavily. It didn’t look like Mum was going to be having her way this time. Although she hadn’t had enough time to work her magic with him yet so maybe there was a bit a hope.

“Okay, baby,” his Mum smiled down at him. “You go back to class and behave yourself. I’ll see you this afternoon.” She kissed his forehead before sending him over to Miss Tynsdale who was waiting patiently holding Lucy Ann’s hand.

He turned to watch is parents go before ignoring Miss Tynsdale’s proffered hand in favor of taking Lucy Ann’s hand. They slowly made their way back to Mrs. Thomas’ classroom.

Liam leaned in close to Lucy Ann before whispering, “Did you get in trouble?”

She shook her head. “No, you?”



“Friends,” he agreed.

She smiled, showing off the gap made by her missing front teeth. “Just don’t ever kiss me again.”
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