Your Heart In My Hands by Holly Mariano

Summary: As Draco contemplates the inevitable, Ginny lies in his arms, oblivious to his inner turmoil. DG one-shot. Angst.
Categories: Completed Short Stories Characters: None
Compliant with: None
Era: None
Genres: Angst
Warnings: Character Death
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 2 Completed: Yes Word count: 3499 Read: 4896 Published: Dec 13, 2004 Updated: Jan 01, 2005

1. Your Heart In My Hands by Holly Mariano

2. Eternity Awaits by Holly Mariano

Your Heart in My Hands

Author: Holly

Summary: As Draco contemplates the inevitable, Ginny lies in his arms, oblivious to his inner turmoil. DG one-shot.

Disclaimer: None of the characters of Harry Potter are mine. Obviously.

You say you love me for the millionth time, but it feels as amazing as it did the first time those words crossed your lips.

I believe you, because I know you’re too innocent to know any better. And Merlin knows, Gryffindors never lie in matters of the heart.

I tell you I know, and I kiss you softly. You’re so small in my arms, so fragile, and I know in that moment, that I alone have the power to break you. You have opened yourself to me, and I could destroy you.

I do not deserve this power. I do not merit the control over your heart that you have given me. You look at me, and your eyes speak of trust, hope and love- words I had lost belief in until I found you.

You are so innocent, so beautiful in your dreams and wishes for the future. And you tell me you want me to be a part of that. I smile, and you accept that as confirmation of my willingness to spend my life with you.

And gods I wish I could tell you I would. I wish I could promise you forever and mean it. Because, I think that if I could, I would spend my life with you. You showed me love, you saved me from myself, and I want to tell you I will be with you forever.

But I cannot.

My life has not shown me love, only distrust and hate. I know nothing of compassion other than what you have shown me. No one else on this earth trusts me completely, except you. I have never been loved, other than by you.

These are excuses, but they are all I have. I want to love you forever. I want to stay with you, marry you and grow old with you. But I cannot.

When I first pledged my allegiance to the Order, it was you who welcomed me. You smiled, and I almost felt that there was some hope left in our bleak world.

But I have learnt never to hope.

I thought that by joining the Order I could make a difference. I could show my father, show Dumbledore, show everyone that I was different. I wasn’t just another Slytherin on the path to glory and murder. I thought I could find peace, and acceptance.

Instead, I found you, and it has been both the greatest blessing and the utmost pain in my short twenty years of life.

You ask me what I’m thinking, and I am honest with you. I tell you that I’m thinking of you, and you smile, pleased with my answer. You start tracing figures of eights on my bare chest with your index finger and I bite back the uncharacteristic tears that are threatening to fall.

You ask if we should tell the others of our relationship. Your eyes are apprehensive as you search my face for an answer, and I know you still fear my indifference. I cup your face in my hand, and assure you that you may tell them everything whenever you see fit.

I deliberately leave myself out of my promises.

I know that you will tell them alone. That when you do, your face will be streaked with tears. That you will never forget me.

Gods Ginny if I could save you this pain I would.

You smile at my response and close your eyes. Tightening my hold on you, I watch you silently until you sleep. Each second ticks away too quickly, and I count down the minutes with dread.

In less than two hours I will leave you forever.

But I will never stop loving you. I wish I could tell you that, but I know you are dreaming happily by the smile tugging at your lips, and I cannot bring myself to wake you.

Why did it have to come to this? Have I not repented my sins? Have you not suffered enough in your short life? Why must we find love now, when it is so soon to be taken from us so cruelly?

I brush a stray hair from your face, and hold the shining auburn strand between my fingers for a moment. Your hair, your face, your body, your eyes…. There is nothing about you that does not intoxicate me, and I would gladly spend the rest of my existence lying here, watching you.

I close my eyes, trying to quell the utter despair that is tempting me to wake you. I cannot. I will not make you suffer this night. Tonight you are safe and warm and loved, and you know nothing of the horrors tomorrow will bring.

I will keep you safe, at all costs.

I know I should leave you some note, or letter, but there is nothing I can say that would ease your pain. Albus will tell you tomorrow, and although it will break your heart, you will be alive, and you will be safe, and that is the best I can do for you.

If I could spare you this, I would. If I had known what would become of us, I would never had kissed you that day in Scotland. I would never have held you as you cried over your brother’s death, and I would never had made love to you when you asked me to. I would never have smiled at you.

If I had known that by depriving myself of your sweet beauty and love, I could save you the pain of tomorrow, I would have done it gladly.

Christ Ginny, I am a changed person, and it is all because of you. The old Draco would never have loved, never have cared, and never have agreed to give my life away as I am about to. You are the reason that I am alive, and you are the reason that I will die.

I whisper I love you into your hair as you sigh in your sleep, and I slowly, and unwillingly untangle our limbs. I climb slowly from my bed- our bed- and have to restrain myself from climbing back in next to you and never letting go. I dress silently, and turn back to you.

I lean over you, and kiss you for the last time. To my dismay your eyes open slowly, and you ask where I’m going, your voice laced with sleep. I close my eyes, fighting the utter despair I feel, and attempt to keep my voice as normal as possible as I say that I am going to work. You ask if it is not too early, and I tell you to go back to sleep, that everything is ok. This does not answer your question, but you trust me, and smiling lazily, you brush your lips against mine sweetly and gently, and fall swiftly back into sleep.

I feel such pain I had never known possible, and I almost stumble as I back away from you, from my love, and my life and head for the door.

Potter is standing outside, his face grim, and his eyes lowered. He does not meet my eyes, and I am grateful. He asks if I am ready, and I can barely reply. He nods, and we apparate.

I have left you for the last time.

We reach the headquarters, and Remus, Albus and Snape await us. I see concern in all of their eyes, and I cannot bear it. Every fibre of my being wants to apparate home immediately. Home to you. But I know where my duty lies, it is with you. And I have to do this- for you.

I nod heartlessly as Albus tells me how sorry they all are. I cannot meet their eyes. He hands me a small book which is to be the portkey. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry as I see the title- it is your favourite novel. I do neither, and nod once more. Potter grips my shoulder and tells me he wishes it were him. We both know he is lying.

Remus tells me that they will look after you, and Albus assures me you will be safe. I nod again, unable to trust myself to talk about you without crying.

Snape says nothing, only looks at me, his eyes full of pity, and something I have wanted for many years- pride. It means nothing to me now, as I imagine you waking to find me gone.

I mumble a thanks to them all- I don’t know for what- and take hold of the portkey. As I feel the familiar tug at my navel, I reach for my wand, and try to suppress the utter hopelessness I feel.

You told me that love conquers all. You told me that hope never dies. You told me you loved me.

You promised me forever, and I know that can never be.

As I open my eyes, and find myself in the midst of a Death Eater gathering, I remember your fiery hair, your sparkling eyes and your gentle laugh. I meet the eyes of my father, and I grip my wand tighter.

This is the end. I will die today, and you will wake to find Potter in our room. He will tell you where I am, and you will try to follow. Whether you do or not, it will be too late. I will be dead.

But I will never stop loving you Ginevra Weasley.

And loves light blue
Led me to you
Through all the emptiness that had become my home
Love's light cruel
Introduced me to you
And that moment I knew I was out of hope

Kill me
I begged and love said no
Leave me
For dead and let me go
Kill me
I cried and love said no
Kill me
I cried and love said no

Love's icy tomb
Dug open for you
Lies in a cemetery that bares my name
Love's violent tune
From me to you
Rips your heart out and leaves you
Bleeding with a smile on your face

Kill me
I begged and love said no
Leave me
For dead and let me go
Kill me
I cried and love said no
Kill me
I cried and love said no

Loves light blue
Took me from you
And that moment I knew I was out of hope
Again

Kill me
I begged and love said no
Leave me
For dead and let me go
Kill me
I cried and love said no
Kill me

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Eternity Awaits by Holly Mariano

Eternity Awaits

Summary: . I cannot imagine tomorrow, I cannot even remember yesterday. All I know is this moment, this harsh realisation that I will never see you again. DG- companion piece to Your Heart In My Hands- read that before this please!

Disclaimer: Same as usual.

Lyrics are “Even In Death” by Evanescence.

I wake, and as I try to adjust to the light, I have a strange sense of foreboding. I dismiss it- I feel this way every morning I wake up without you beside me.

I smile as I remember the soft kiss you placed on my lips before you left this morning. Lazily I turn toward my clock, and nearly scream as I notice two figures standing in the corner of the room.

I only relax a little as I recognise them; Harry and Dumbledore. Usually I would be happy to see them, but this is your bed I lie in, and our relationship is not yet known.

When I meet their eyes, any fears of them knowing of us are replaced by trepidation of what has made them appear so solemn.

I wonder where you are.

They do not ask me what I am doing in your apartment, in your room, in your bed. They seem to have expected me to be there.

I have never seen Harry so solemn, with one exception. He usually tries to hide his worries from me- to him I will always be Ron’s little sister, and he tries to veil to horrors of the world from me. The last time he looked this way was when Ron was killed by your father. I hate to see him this way.

I wonder, with dismay, if Luna is dead. I cannot imagine the carefree, slightly eccentric wife of Harry to have been killed, but it is one of the few things that would explain Harry’s face. I rise from the bed to go to him, when I realise I cannot be right.

It would not explain his presence- or Dumbledore’s- in your rooms.

Severus. It has to be Severus. He is your godfather, Hermione’s husband. I close my eyes, and am glad you are not here to hear the news. Biting my lip, I realise you may already know. His death would be very hard on you.

Albus speaks for the first time, breaking the slightly unreal silence in the room. He tells me there was a Death Eater meeting this morning, and that one of the Order infiltrated it. Seven Death Eaters were killed, including your father. The member of the Order died.

Tears well in my eyes as I think of Severus- so changed since finding love- crying out ‘Mione’s name as he fell. He gave his life to the Order many times, but I never thought it would claim it. Surely he had suffered enough?

I think of you, and despite my commiseration for Hermione, I am relieved it was not you.

A cold chill grasps my heart, and I almost forget to breath.

I do not know where you are.

I meet Dumbledore’s eyes, and see nothing that reveals your location to me. I turn to Harry, and he steps toward me, pure empathy radiating from him.

I shake my head. I will not listen, I will not hear it.

I look at the floor, and speak for the first time, my voice somehow even despite the raging storms inside of me.

I ask them to tell me you are at work. That you are safe at 12 Grimmauld Place. That you will be back in our bed tonight.

That it was not you at the Order.

They cannot.

A strangled cry escapes my lips, and I beg them to tell me you are safe. I scream, and cry and call your name, all the while demanding they tell me where you are.

I will not believe you are dead.

My legs fail me, and I fall back onto the bed.

Harry steps towards me, and I lash out desperately. He wants to comfort me, and I will not let him. You are not dead. I do not need comfort. Mione needs comfort, Harry does. Molly needs it for the loss of Ron last year. Colin, for the loss of his brother. Remus, Neville, Lavender, they need it.

I do not.

I do not need comfort, because you are at work, you are locating the enemy, not confronting them. You are safe, and you are not lying on the floor of a Death Eater lair. You are alive and well and you want to spend the rest of your life with me.

Memories of last night’s conversation flood back into my brain. We spoke of our future. You cannot be dead. You would not have left to fight, not have risked your life.

Harry tells me you did it for me.

Did you?

Did you leave me here, lying on our bed, feeling safe and loved and happy, and go to your death? How could that possibly have been for my benefit? Did you not know that every time you left my sight I wanted to cry. That waking up without you broke my heart?

That to loose you would ruin me?

How could you risk everything, and then say it was for me?

Don’t you know there is nothing left for me if you are not here?

Albus takes my hand, and looks deep into my eyes, and I feel my soul is bared to him. He sees my pain, my anger, my denial and my love. He places his other hand on my shoulder and tells me why you fought. Why you went to your death.

Gods Draco did you not know I would risk it? That I would not care if your father sent ten thousand Death Eaters after me, that death would be nothing compared to this?

You are, regardless of death, my life.

Harry and Albus will not leave, even as I insist I need to be alone. They do not trust me to face another day.

In a way they are right to. I cannot imagine tomorrow, I cannot even remember yesterday. All I know is this moment, this harsh realisation that I will never see you again. That you will never hold me, or make love to me. That we will never fight again, and that I will never worry over your affection for me.

In dying, you proved, beyond any doubt that you loved me.

I hope you know I always knew.

While the others may fear I will try and follow you into death, they are wrong. I know your sacrifice was for me, and although I wish you never made it, I can only honour your love and your death by living.

I wish… there are too many wishes. I cannot ask for one more day with you, one more night in your arms, as one more would not be enough.

Eternity is too much to desire, and all I want. It was never possible, always unfathomable, and yet an eternity without you now seems all to real.

Lucius wanted me dead. You killed him, and died in the process. You avenged your mothers death, Ron’s, and countless others, but you did it only with me in mind.

In retrospect it is all too clear to me what I failed to recognise last night. As I replay the night in my mind, I can see that your smile never quite reached your eyes, that your forehead creased when you thought I was not watching. That you held me even tighter than usual.

If I had woken earlier, if Albus and Harry had not seen your body, I would have followed. I would have gone to you.

They tell me it would have been too late, that you died moments after reaching the meeting.

I realise now that I lied to you- inadvertently. I told you that there was always hope, that regardless of what life threw at me, I would always have it.

My hope died with you. My love did not.

Eternity awaits.

"Even In Death"

Give me a reason to believe that you're gone
I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong
Moonlight on the soft brown earth
It leads me to where you lay
They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home

I will stay forever here with you
My love
The softly spoken words you gave me
Even in death our love goes on

Some say I'm crazy for my love, Oh my love
But no bonds can hold me from your side, Oh my love
They don't know you can't leave me
They don't hear you singing to me

And I can't love you, anymore than I do

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