Faking It

There’s a special art to faking it. Relationships, that is. You can’t just do it with anyone. The other person has to be a good friend, that much is obvious. Oh, you can try it out with a stranger if you like, but that’s much too dangerous – too many questions that can be asked that neither of you knows the answer to. There also has to be a significant level of actual attraction between the two of you, or it’s no good trying to convince anyone that you’re sincere. But most importantly, you can’t actually be in a relationship. Kind of ruins the whole point of faking it, doesn’t it?

I

The first time it happened was back at Hogwarts. The war had been fought and won, and life was slowly but surely returning to some semblance of normalcy. Ginny Weasley was in the middle of her seventh year. Draco Malfoy was also back at the castle to tie up some loose ends from his own seventh year that had been left undone by a certain Leader of Dark Wizards and Overlord of Ruined Educations. It wasn’t so bad, after all. Blaise Zabini and Pansy Parkinson were also back with him, and it warmed his heart to see that not even Harry Potter or Ron Weasley had escaped the clutches of lessons and exams. Hermione Granger didn’t count, as everyone knew she’d happily stay at Hogwarts forever, if only they’d allow it.

So there Draco was one fine spring day, casually making his way back to his dormitory (he might have even been whistling a faint tune), when a pair of hands reached out from a tapestry and yanked him through it. It took Draco a few seconds to register the twin facts that the hands had not reached out from the tapestry but rather from the side of it, from within an alcove that the tapestry covered, and that said hands were attached to one flame-haired Weasley – luckily, it was the one female Weasley that was now squashed up against him in that dimly lit alcove. Draco shuddered to think of what it would be like to have to share such close quarters with any of the male Weasleys.

“Malfoy,” Ginny hissed. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

“Are you?” Draco asked in a conversational tone, in much the same way that one might ask what the weather was like that day and whether you would need a sweater if you went out, or whether you’d like another watercress sandwich to go with your afternoon tea.

But Ginny didn’t answer, as she was too busy snogging. Him. Draco. Ginny Weasley was snogging Draco Malfoy. As far as snogs went, it really wasn’t very good. It was quite messy, actually, as there was rather a bit more tongue involved than he was wont to employ himself.

“Really, Weasley,” Draco bit out, snapping his head back after one particularly vicious swirl of Ginny’s tongue, “can’t you kiss me better than that?”

“You’re not supposed to like it,” Ginny said acidly. “It’s just supposed to look so disgustingly convincing that – ”

“GINNY DARLING!” The shout came from somewhere out in the hallway, close enough to their secret alcove that Ginny’s face promptly took on a look of distinct and utter panic.

And just like that, Draco fully understood the entire situation. Of course. Far be it from him to hinder a female’s quest to shake off an unwanted suitor.

And so, the very wet snogging recommenced. But this time, as Ginny was jabbing her tongue into every far corner of his mouth, Draco enthusiastically threw himself into returning the favour. He was so on board with her mission, in fact, that his hands began to wander and roam – over her hips, over her back, and down towards her derriere. Which, as he found, was shaped most delightfully – much as the rest of her was, which led Draco to the grave conclusion that more girls really should take up Quidditch. Intending to show her his appreciation, he gave Ginny’s bum a firm squeeze, at which point a number of things happened. Ginny gasped, Draco grinned against her mouth, the tapestry was ripped back, and some unknown male burst into very loud and noisy tears before finally storming off in a huff.

And there Ginny was, somehow in the blink of an eye standing in the hallway, out of his arms, looking as cool, calm, and collected as ever.

“Cheers, Malfoy,” Ginny said, saluting and turning on her heel to leave. She nodded smartly at Blaise, who lounged against a wall to the side of the alcove with one eyebrow perfectly arched.

And that’s how Draco Malfoy and Ginny Weasley came to be friends.

Blaise Zabini can attest to that fact.

II

The second time it happened was at Ron Weasley’s wedding to Pansy Parkinson. By this time, Draco and Ginny had been good friends for a number of years. He had squeezed her bum, and she hadn’t hit him back with a vicious hex – other friendships had been based on much less than that.

Ginny loved weddings, she really did. You couldn’t help but be happy in the face of your friends’ happiness. It was fun to have everyone gathered together in one place. There was dancing involved, which she was fond of. And of course, the liquor ran freely – which she loved. The only problem was the elder women.

“It can’t be all that bad, surely,” Draco said with a laugh.

It was the Wednesday before the wedding, and he had met Ginny for their weekly lunch at one of their favourite French bistros. He liked that the food there was exquisite, and she liked that the prices weren’t exorbitant. Hence the fact that it was often their go-to place to meet and catch up.

“You have absolutely no idea,” Ginny replied, a glum look on her face. “It’s like everyone gathers around me and demands to know when I’ll be the next one to get married and push babies out like clockwork.”

“Surely not everyone,” Draco said, waving his soup spoon dismissively.

“Alright, not everyone,” Ginny amended, sounding very fair indeed, “just every female over the age of twelve.”

Draco snorted back a laugh as Ginny studied him seriously. “What?” he asked. “Spot on my chin?”

“No, it’s not that,” Ginny said slowly. “I was just thinking – ”

“Don’t do that, it gives you those terrible headaches, don’t you remember? – ”

“ – what if we went as a couple?”

At this, Draco really did laugh. Long and hard. So long and hard, in fact, that the rest of the restaurant went silent and turned to stare at him as one. Ginny just scowled at him over her plate until he finally quieted.

“Alright, alright,” Draco said. “Might as well. At least now I don’t have to worry about finding a date. Just promise me one thing?”

“What’s that?”

“Please don’t kiss me the same way you did last time.”

He barely ducked the piece of bread that Ginny chucked at his head.

The wedding was a resounding success. Pansy looked gorgeous and happy, Ron looked happy even if he did eye Draco suspiciously every now and then, and everyone was having a wonderful time.

“Have I told you yet how lovely you look tonight?” Draco asked as he and Ginny shared a plate of food at their assigned table. “Like a beautiful evergreen tree topped with candles.”

Ginny laughed and smoothed the skirt of her green dress with one hand. “Why thank you, kind sir. And have I told you how dapper you look this evening? Like a cute little penguin.”

Draco returned her laugh as he loosened the knot of his tie slightly.

“Oh, there’s Great Aunt Esther,” Ginny said, gesturing to a tiny, ancient-looking lady seated at a table on the other side of the dance floor. “I really should go say hello to her, I haven’t seen her in ages.”

“Alright, let’s go,” Draco said, getting up to pull Ginny’s chair back for her.

“Oh, you don’t have to accompany me,” Ginny said, looking confused. “Great Aunt Esther’s very hard of hearing and I highly doubt you’d find her too much fun.”

Draco shook his head and offered her his arm, grinning down at her upturned face. “I’m your boyfriend, remember? It’s only proper. Besides, didn’t you know? Old ladies are my biggest fans.”

“Hello, Great Aunt Esther!” Ginny bawled into the lady’s ear when they came up to her.

“Hello, Ginny dear. Still woefully single?” Great Aunt Esther was wearing a wide-brimmed hat with an enormous bunch of artificial fruit attached to it. The grapes wobbled as she spoke.

“No, this is my boyfriend, Draco Malfoy. I wanted to introduce you to him.”

Great Aunt Esther squinted into Draco’s face. “He’s a rake, did you say? Why ever would you be dating a rake, my dear girl?”

“Not a rake, dear. Draco,” Ginny said, very slowly and loudly.

“Hmmm, well it’s very lovely to meet you, young man,” Great Aunt Esther said to Draco. She giggled as he elegantly bowed low over her proffered hand.

Across the room, Ron looked at Draco with a baleful eye yet again. Great Aunt Esther certainly never giggled, old dragon lady that she was – what the hell was Malfoy doing to her? Rolling her eyes beside him, Pansy distracted her new husband by whispering something deliciously naughty into his ear.

“Draco’s the owner of a publishing house!” Ginny yelled into Great Aunt Esther’s ear.

“Handsome and rich!” Great Aunt Esther exclaimed. This time, the bananas wobbled as well. “You’ve certainly done well for yourself, my girl.”

“Yes, well, darling Draco also likes to get drunk off of Butterbeer and run naked through his home yelling that he’s king of the castle,” Ginny said in her normal speaking voice.

“What’s that?” Great Aunt Esther asked, looking confused.

“Dear Ginny, on the other hand,” Draco cut in smoothly before Ginny could respond, “likes to tangle with the Hogwarts Giant Squid – if you know what I mean.” This was also said in his normal tone of voice.

“Oh, well, what a lovely couple you two make,” Great Aunt Esther said, clearly not having heard anything that was just said.

“Excuse me, Great Aunt Esther,” Draco said loudly, taking Ginny’s hand, “but I do believe that your grand niece owes me this dance. Along with at least five babies.”

“You’re horrible,” Ginny said with a laugh once they were on the dance floor.

“You started it, witch,” Draco returned good-naturedly, spinning her back into his arms smoothly.

Before Ginny could reply, Ron barrelled between the two of them.

“I’m dancing with my sister now, sod off, Malfoy,” Ron said. Ginny rolled her eyes at her brother as Draco gracefully stepped aside. They all knew Ron felt no real animosity towards Draco any longer – but that certainly didn’t stop him from playing the role of overprotective older brother every single chance he got.

“You two certainly looked very cosy,” Blaise said to Draco as they met at the bar.

“Me and Ron? Yes, we’re announcing our engagement tonight,” Draco replied in a deliberately bland voice.

“You know what I mean,” Blaise said, smirking at his old friend over his glass. “She is rather lovely. I can’t blame you.”

Draco turned back towards the dance floor, searching for a glimpse of Ginny’s hair amidst all the dancers and smiling to himself when he saw her stick her tongue out at her brother.

“Tonight, we’re a couple. But otherwise we’re just friends.”

III

The third time it happened was at a gala. Draco was indeed the owner of a publishing house, and Ginny was a writer. It was no surprise that they were both planning to attend a huge gala held every year for all of the people within their industry. Nobody dared to miss it – the gala more than delivered on its promises of delicious food, copious amounts of liquor, and fun music every year.

“Let’s go as a couple this year,” Ginny said to Draco two nights before the gala, at their weekly dinner.

Dinner this week was a low-key affair at Draco’s house. Draco had cooked pasta, and Ginny was devouring every bite, sitting on the living room couch beside him. Although her hair was pulled back into a simple ponytail and she wore a plain top and jeans, Draco thought she looked rather lovely in the light coming from the flickering flames in the fireplace.

“Great Aunt Esther’s not going to be there, is she?” Draco asked with mock horror, pressing his hand to his heart.

Ginny grinned and shook her head. “No, but you know…I don’t want to have to worry about a date or trying to impress anyone or anything. I just want to have fun this year.”

Draco shrugged. “Same here, so why not?”

The night of the gala, Draco appeared at Ginny’s apartment door with a bouquet of tulips.

“Oh, these are so lovely,” Ginny said, looking surprised but pleased. “You didn’t have to.”

Draco smiled. “It’s a gala night, and I would have done the same for any girl I was taking out, so why not?” He missed the way Ginny’s smile dimmed slightly as she turned to place the tulips into a vase.

“You look lovely, by the way,” Draco said, appreciatively noting the way Ginny’s evening gown dipped low in the back.

“Thanks,” Ginny replied, accepting his outstretched arm as they readied to Apparate. “Hands off this derriere, though!” Draco’s chuckle masked the pop of their disappearance.

The gala itself proved to be a hit – except for the fact that men kept flocking to Ginny all through the night. Not that Draco could blame them. Ginny looked exquisite in her gown, but it wasn’t just that – she looked exquisite all the time. And she was quick to laugh, intelligent, witty…what else could anyone ask for?

Draco scowled as yet another hopeful suitor spun Ginny around the ballroom. His hands clenched into fists at his side as he saw the other man make her tilt her head back and laugh with something he said. Draco had only had the chance to dance with her six times – surely something wasn’t right here!

“Ginny’s very popular tonight,” Blaise drawled from beside him.

Draco grunted.

“It’s a good thing she’s not my girlfriend, or else I’d be very jealous right now.”

Draco’s mouth thinned. “She is my girlfriend,” he bit out.

“For tonight. But you’re just friends otherwise, as you yourself have told me,” Blaise pointed out helpfully. “Oh look, are that man’s hands sliding lower towards her – why, yes, I do believe they are,” Blaise mused out loud, looking pointedly at the way that the gentleman Ginny was dancing with was inching his hands towards her derriere, much as Draco had all those years ago.

But Ginny was Draco’s girlfriend tonight, damn it, and if he couldn’t touch her perfect derriere, nobody else sure as hell could. Ignoring the stares and whispers that he attracted, he grimly cut a wide swath on the dance floor as he stalked purposefully towards Ginny, unceremoniously shoving the other man out of the way and taking her into his own arms.

Draco levelled a glare at the other man. “Go away,” he said quietly – although nobody could possibly miss the savage note in his voice.

Being possessed of a rather fine sense of self-preservation, the unnamed suitor paled and scampered off.

Draco looked down to find Ginny staring up at him with wide eyes. “We’re just friends,” he said to her, beginning to move to the music. “But tonight, you’re my girlfriend.”

Ginny just smiled.

IV

The fourth time it happened was on some island in the Caribbean. Goyle had found love, against all the odds, and his wife-to-be had decided that she wanted a destination wedding.

“Ginny, darling,” Draco said as he slipped into a booth beside her. They were meeting up for their weekly drinks at their favourite pub.

Ginny grinned. “What do you want?”

Draco’s face took on an expression of mock hurt. “Why would you assume that I want anything other than your sublime company?”

“You only call me darling when you want something,” Ginny pointed out patiently. “Like that time you called me darling and then asked me to get rid of that woman who was camped out in front of your house trying to get a date with you.”

“Good God, don’t remind me,” Draco said as he shuddered. “She shadowed me for weeks. I’m still scared of blondes.”

“So…darling,” Ginny said in a flat voice, although there was a friendly gleam in her eye. “What can I do for you?”

“Goyle’s getting married.”

“So I heard. I assume you’re going?”

“Yes, and it’s going to be on some godforsaken island in the Caribbean. An entire weekend of festivities. I’m going to be terribly bored over there without my usual entertainment of tormenting you. Say you’ll come?”

“As your girlfriend?”

Draco nodded. “You do owe me, after all, for all those times in the past, and I figure nobody will bother me with you around, and – ”

“Alright, alright,” Ginny protested with a laugh, holding her hands up in mock surrender. “It’s a weekend on a beach. I can’t complain.”

The island itself was beautiful. The sun was shining and the skies were a lovely shade of blue that perfectly matched the seas. The hotel, on the other hand, was a problem.

“I’m terribly sorry, sir,” the concierge at the front desk said, with an apologetic frown on his face. “But there was a miscommunication and we were not able to book adjoining rooms for you. There is only the one single room available. The rest of the hotel is occupied. Due to the inconvenience we have caused you, your room will, of course, be free of charge.”

Draco sighed. “At least we’re a couple,” he said to Ginny as they followed a porter to their room.

“Not really,” Ginny pointed out. Draco was silent at that.

The room was luxuriously appointed. But it was hard to miss the elephant in the room – the one single, if enormous, bed that took pride of place against one wall.

“It’s big, so that’s good,” Draco commented.

Ginny let out an unladylike snort. “It’s big, but this bed isn’t big enough for the both of us. The floor, however,” she said, smiling serenely, “is just the right size for you.”

Luckily, there were enough blankets and pillows available to make a more than comfortable pallet up for Draco to sleep on.

Everything would have been perfectly fine, in fact, if it hadn’t been for one thing – just as at the gala, men flocked to Ginny on the island. Never mind the fact that her supposed boyfriend was standing right there. Hopeful suitors were drawn to her like moths to a flame. Incredibly irritating and shameless moths, in Draco’s opinion.

All weekend, during the festivities leading up to the wedding, Draco’s expression grew progressively grimmer. He tried to do everything he could to keep Ginny close by him at all times and far away from the pack of ravening wolves, but it simply wasn’t enough – every time he stepped away for a moment, he’d return to find someone else slavering over her. And Ginny, damn her, didn’t seem to find anything wrong with it.

“Ginny seems to be having fun,” Blaise commented idly. He was sitting with Draco at their designated table, watching a small group of men clustered around Ginny. Even from where he sat, Draco could see how breathtaking Ginny looked that night.

“Yes, well, I’m glad for her,” Draco muttered, scowling down at his cake.

“You shouldn’t be. She’s your girlfriend, isn’t she?”

“We’re just friends,” Draco corrected Blaise automatically.

“Friends don’t look so constipated at the thought of their friends dating other…friends,” Blaise observed delicately.

“What are you talking about, Zabini?” Draco snapped.

“Well, I’ve been thinking about dating the delectable Miss Ginny Weasley, myself,” Blaise said blithely. He pretended not to notice the dark and violent storm cloud that immediately took residence upon Draco’s face.

“My Ginny?” Draco asked softly.

“Yes, your Ginny. Or not your Ginny, as you’ve told me so often in the past,” Blaise reminded his friend with a smirk on his face. To his credit, he didn’t even flinch when Draco lunged across the table and grabbed his tie. Rather, his grin grew even wider.

“Leave my girlfriend alone,” Draco hissed through clenched teeth, his nose nearly touching Blaise’s.

“She’s not your girlfriend, old man,” Blaise taunted. Both men ignored the stares and whispers they were attracting.

Something flickered in Draco’s eyes. “She is my girlfriend. She just doesn’t happen to know it yet.”

Blaise laughed. “Well then, by God, go and let her know.”

“Let me know what?”

At the sound of Ginny’s voice, Draco let go of Blaise’s tie and stood up so quickly that he knocked his chair over. “Ginny,” he said, ignoring Blaise’s laughter. “Let’s get out of here.”

“But where are we going?” Ginny asked. She tried to ignore the tingle she felt in the hand that Draco was holding.

“Au revoir, Ginny! Perhaps next time,” Blaise called after her, looking forlorn – though a grin still played around the corners of his mouth.

“Perhaps next time what?” Ginny asked, looking even more confused now.

“There won’t be a next time for anything at all from you,” Draco growled at the former Slytherin. Finding an alcove hidden away in a deserted hallway, Draco stopped and pulled Ginny into it with him.

“Draco?” Ginny whispered, tilting her face up towards him.

“This is where we started, remember? In an alcove,” Draco said softly, cupping Ginny’s face in his hands.

Ginny grinned. “How could I forget?”

Draco looked thoughtful as he smoothed the pad of his thumb over Ginny’s bottom lip. “I was thinking that we’re long overdue for an anniversary celebration,” he said.

“An…anniversary celebration?” Ginny brought her hands up to rest on Draco’s chest, and she felt herself sway towards him, supported by his strong, lean form.

“I’m going to kiss you now, Ginny,” Draco whispered.

“Are you?” Ginny managed to ask in a conversational tone, despite the fact that her breathing had begun to grow laboured.

But Draco didn’t answer, as he was too busy kissing. Her. Ginny. Draco Malfoy was kissing Ginny Weasley. And oh, what a glorious kiss it was.

Many moments later, Draco raised his head from Ginny’s, only to find her smiling dreamily at him.

“I think,” Ginny said, looking thoughtful, “that the floor in our room is too small for you.”

“Oh?” Draco asked, raising an eyebrow imperiously. But his grey eyes were flashing with warm mirth.

“Oh yes,” Ginny said earnestly. “In fact, I’m quite sure that the bed is just the right size for the both of us.”

V

The fifth time it happened, it…well…didn’t. They were at their favourite café for their weekly breakfast meeting.

“You know,” Draco said, in much the same way that one prefaced a conversation about the day’s weather forecast, “I’ve found I’m rather terrible at this whole faking it thing.”

“Yes, you really are quite appalling at it,” Ginny agreed, a sunny smile on her face. She laughed at Draco’s mock scowl.

“Well, you know how to fix it, don’t you?” Draco asked, leaning over the table towards her. Ginny shook her head and leaned towards him as well, so that their noses were nearly touching.

“We’ll just have to be a real couple.”

And, of course, Draco kissed Ginny.

They pointedly ignored the fact that Blaise started clapping enthusiastically from his seat at the next table over.

And that’s how Draco Malfoy and Ginny Weasley came to be a couple.

Blaise Zabini can attest to that fact.

Fin.