Chapter Seven: Imaginary
I linger in the doorway
Of alarm clock screaming
Monsters calling my name
Let me stay
Where the wind will whisper to me
Where the raindrops
As they’re falling tell a story
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me
Don’t say I’m out of touch
With this rampant chaos – your reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
The nightmare I built my own world to escape
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me
Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
The Goddess of imaginary light
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me
-Evanescence
*~*~*~*~*
“Draco?” Ginny called as she walked into his private dormitory. She found him sitting in an armchair by the fireplace and ran over to him. Draco turned to her with an uncertain look on his face, not knowing what to expect.
“Draco, I am so glad that you I found you!” Ginny was almost frantic with delight. “Last night I couldn’t sleep knowing that you weren’t there beside me. I needed you to hold me and comfort me.” She paused, and her expression became serious and sincere. “Draco, I love you so much, and I can’t live without you. I missed you so much, and I won’t let you go.”
Draco breathed a sigh of relief. “Ginevra, I love you too, but what about your family? I am not going to be the reason for a rift between you and your family; I can’t force you to make a decision like that.” Draco pulled Ginny onto his lap, and wrapped his arms around her. “I want you to be happy, but if you can’t be happy with me in your life, then I understand.” Draco had done a lot of thinking himself last night.
“Draco, what are you talking about?” Ginny was positively flustered. “You know that my family thinks that it is wonderful that we are together; they realize that we are deeply in love, and want me to be happy.” Ginny sank into his arms, and sighed, “Sure, we didn’t know what they would think, but why would you think that they would disapprove? My parents would never force me to choose between you and them.” Ginny knew that her parents and Draco had argued last night, but why was he asking her such a silly question?
“I’m sorry Ginevra, I love you and I want nothing more than to be with you. I looked all over the castle last night to tell you that, but I couldn’t find you.” Apprehensively, Draco continued, “I just assumed that you went to Ron when you ran off yesterday. I thought that he wouldn’t want us to be together any more if he knew we had a row.”
“No, silly, I went to the Astronomy Tower. I just wanted to be alone and think, but,” Ginny leaned down to meet his waiting lips, “all night I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” Once again, Ginny sighed with pleasure, wondering how she was so lucky to be loved by Draco.
After making love, they both promised to never worry about such silly problems ever again. Holding each other close, they realized that worrying about the future wasn’t worth the uncertainty and separation that they had experienced earlier.
Later that morning, Draco and Ginny entered the Great Hall hand in hand, and saw Ron sitting at the Gryffindor table waving them over. “I wonder why he wants to speak to us,” Ginny murmured to Draco, wondering why Ron was in such a good mood.
“Draco, Ginny, sit down,” Ron said, pointing to two empty seats opposite himself and Harry. “How’s it going?” he added, nonchalantly.
“Fine, thanks,” Ginny replied warily, “Now do you want to tell me what’s up?” ‘Why in Merlin’s name is Ron was acting so sociable with me and Draco,’ she wondered.
“Hey little sis, what’s with all the questions?” Ron asked jokingly. “I just thought that it would be nice to have breakfast with you and your boyfriend. What’s wrong? Did you guys have a row or something?” he asked with a smile.
“No, sorry Ron, it’s nothing… I just couldn’t sleep very well last night, that’s all.” Ginny replied sweetly. That answer seemed enough to satisfy Ron, and he went back to eating his breakfast. “You’re awfully quiet this morning, Harry, is there something wrong?” Ginny asked, trying to make conversation.
“Oh, sorry Ginny, I was just wondering if I could ever find someone that loves me the way that you love Draco.” Harry answered pensively.
“Trust me Harry, there is someone out there for you,” Draco responded. “But let me give you one piece of advice. Once you find her, don’t ever let her go; or else, you will never recover.” He slid arm around Ginny’s waist and pulled her close, so that he could feel her body next to his.
“Thanks Draco,” Harry said sincerely. “Don’t worry; I’ve been waiting for so long to find someone that loves me that I won’t give myself the opportunity to screw it up. You know,” he continued, “I’m really happy for you two; you’re an extremely lucky guy, Draco, to have a great girl like Ginny.”
“Thank-you Harry, that is really sweet.” Ginny told him, smiling.
“You know, it’s true Ginevra; I do have a really great girl. I don’t deserve you.” Draco whispered as Ginny kissed him on the lips and wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him nearer.
*~*~*~*~*
“Ginevra? Ginevra!” Ginny could hear someone calling her name. When she woke up, she saw Draco lying on his side in front of her, looking panicked. “I have been looking for you all night Ginevra, why did you run away like that?” Draco stroked her hair, but waited for her answer.
As Ginny’s eyes adjusted to the light, she smiled remembering her wonderful dream. “I was just dreaming about you Draco, it was a brilliant dream…” Ginny explained, her mind disappearing into her dream world again. “We were together, and we were happy. Our families approved and even Harry envied our love and devotion to each other and was happy for us. We had no problems, no stress, no worries, no pain; we were just together and in love, and there were no obstacles keeping us from being together.”
“Ginny I’ve had the same dream, but this is reality!” Draco exclaimed. “Here, not everyone is happy, least of all you, and I am responsible for that.” Draco had done a lot of his own thinking the previous night, and decided that he could never be with Ginny; there were too many hurdles that they would never be able to overcome. However, unbeknownst to Ginevra, it was not Draco’s decision, but someone else’s.
“What are you talking about Draco, you have never caused me any pain! In case you don’t remember, you saved me from it!” Ginny sat up, looking confused.
“No Ginevra, I have forced a falling-out between you and your family.” Draco hung his head sadly. “I am not going to make you choose between us, I can’t make you do that. Ginevra, if you choose me, you will forever miss your family. And if you choose your family, we will both be heartbroken. Whatever you decide to do, I am going to be the cause of years of angst and regret for you. There’s nothing left to say; we cannot be together anymore.”
Ginny’s face fell when she heard those words coming from Draco. ‘This can’t be happening, this has to be a nightmare…’ “You don’t even know what my decision was Draco!” she exclaimed. “I love you and I don’t care what my family thinks. We can be happy together, and eventually everyone will have to accept our relationship.” Ginny was now pleading with Draco.
“But we don’t live in that dream world Ginevra!” Draco shouted, becoming frustrated with Ginny’s careless attitude. “We’re living a life where everyone disapproves of us being together, and are trying to keep us apart!” His heart was aching as he watched the pained expression of Ginny’s face. ‘I can’t give in and let Ginevra be hurt. If only she knew how much I love her and want to be with her. But she can never know, it has to be this way, for her own safety.’ He just wanted to hold her in his arms, whispering into her ear that everything would be all right, that it was just a big misunderstanding.
Ginny’s heart was breaking with every word that Draco spoke. “You’re wrong Draco!” Ginny cried, trying to make Draco to understand and change his mind. “I want us to be together and you want us to be together; that’s all that matters!” For the first time, Ginny hadn’t the faintest clue of what Draco was feeling when she looked into his eyes. ‘Why is Draco doing this?’ she wondered. ‘There has to be some way that we can be together, there has to be another chance for us.’
“I am sorry Ginevra, there is no other option. I just want you to be happy, and that can never happen as long as we are together.” Draco explained, trying his best to stay strong and not give into her perseverance. ‘If only I could tell her my suspicions of Lucius and how guilty I’d feel if I separated her from her family. But I can’t. I love her too much to drag her from the people she loves, just so that she can die for my sake.’
Ginny finally broke down into tears, as she couldn’t hold back her emotions any longer. Draco was also at his breaking point, and knew that he could not deny his love for her any longer if he stayed.
“Goodbye Ginevra,” Draco said coldly as he turned and left, leaving a broken-hearted Ginny, alone, and sobbing. ‘I can’t look into her eyes and watch her fall back into depression. If she knew why I was doing all of this she wouldn’t let us stay apart. So, this is the end for us.’
*~*~*~*~*
As Draco reached the corridor below the Astronomy Tower, he found Lucius waiting for him, smirking. Lucius had obviously heard everything that had occurred, and was enjoying the pain that his son was experiencing.
“Well done Draco,” Lucius said clapping slowly, mocking the despair of the situation. “I don’t believe I could have done it better myself. I am glad that you accepted my advice last night.”
“Shut up Lucius,” Draco snapped, matching his father’s tone. “I am not in the mood for you. You’ve had your way, so there is no other reason for you to be here.”
Draco had not realized how much pain he would be causing himself by trying to save Ginny. As he walked on, he thought, ‘I am so sorry Ginny, I promised you that I wouldn’t let my father keep us apart, but I failed miserably. Please forgive me, Ginevra, for I had no other alternative.’ Suddenly, he stopped, with a look of horror. He had done exactly what he had promised he would never do to Ginny; he had caused her more pain than Harry ever had. Even worse, after he had lied and denied his feelings for her, he did nothing but watch as his words ripped her soul to shreds.
“You made the right decision Draco. I’m surprised that you weren’t selfish. That is something Malfoys never do, and I am convinced you never learned it from me,” Lucius drawled, still smirking at his son. “Well, now that you are no longer burdened by that disgusting piece of trash, there is nothing preventing you from joining the Death Eaters. I shall plan your initiation as soon as possible.”
Draco whipped around to face his father. “Just because you think I obeyed you by breaking up with Ginevra does NOT mean that I will do your bidding forever. I will not follow your ridiculous Lord or join your stupid Death Eaters!” Draco shouted, losing control of his emotions.
“Don’t be so quick to make such idiotic decisions, Draco,” Lucius sneered, looking down at his son with contempt. “If you don’t join the Death Eaters, then your muggle-lover girlfriend will die!” He laughed, enjoying the pain stricken expression on Draco’s face. “Honestly Draco, have I taught you nothing? Haven’t I warned you time and time again not to cross me? Well,” Lucius shrugged as he walked away, “I can tell by the look on your face that you will take me up on my offer. Be prepared to serve the Dark Lord, my son,” Lucius said with pride as he strode down the corridor, impressed by his ability to control his only son.
Draco stood still and watched his father’s swaggering figure disappear around a bend in the corridor. He shook his head, muttering, “And that disturbed human being considers himself my father.’ Draco suddenly listened carefully, and realized that he could no longer hear Ginny’s sobs. He half-turned towards the direction of the Astronomy Tower, longing to hold Ginny in his arms and to soothe her fears away. But he stopped himself, knowing that her safety depended on his resolve to do as Lucius had commanded.
An old and very familiar wave of despair swept over Draco as he turned and walked away from the tower. For the first time in his life, he had been in love and had loved back. He had been completely understood by a beautiful redhead who wasn’t afraid of dealing with her own problems as well. He had been alive when he was in Ginny’s arms. But as Draco rounded a corner in the corridor, he squared his shoulders as a soldier does when headed towards a certain death. His life with Ginny was now just a dream, and no matter how much they both wanted that dream to be true, it could never be.
*~*~*~*~*
I linger in the doorway
Of alarm clock screaming
Monsters calling my name
Let me stay
Where the wind will whisper to me
Where the raindrops
As they’re falling tell a story
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me
Don’t say I’m out of touch
With this rampant chaos – your reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
The nightmare I built my own world to escape
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me
Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
The Goddess of imaginary light
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me
-Evanescence
“Draco?” Ginny called as she walked into his private dormitory. She found him sitting in an armchair by the fireplace and ran over to him. Draco turned to her with an uncertain look on his face, not knowing what to expect.
“Draco, I am so glad that you I found you!” Ginny was almost frantic with delight. “Last night I couldn’t sleep knowing that you weren’t there beside me. I needed you to hold me and comfort me.” She paused, and her expression became serious and sincere. “Draco, I love you so much, and I can’t live without you. I missed you so much, and I won’t let you go.”
Draco breathed a sigh of relief. “Ginevra, I love you too, but what about your family? I am not going to be the reason for a rift between you and your family; I can’t force you to make a decision like that.” Draco pulled Ginny onto his lap, and wrapped his arms around her. “I want you to be happy, but if you can’t be happy with me in your life, then I understand.” Draco had done a lot of thinking himself last night.
“Draco, what are you talking about?” Ginny was positively flustered. “You know that my family thinks that it is wonderful that we are together; they realize that we are deeply in love, and want me to be happy.” Ginny sank into his arms, and sighed, “Sure, we didn’t know what they would think, but why would you think that they would disapprove? My parents would never force me to choose between you and them.” Ginny knew that her parents and Draco had argued last night, but why was he asking her such a silly question?
“I’m sorry Ginevra, I love you and I want nothing more than to be with you. I looked all over the castle last night to tell you that, but I couldn’t find you.” Apprehensively, Draco continued, “I just assumed that you went to Ron when you ran off yesterday. I thought that he wouldn’t want us to be together any more if he knew we had a row.”
“No, silly, I went to the Astronomy Tower. I just wanted to be alone and think, but,” Ginny leaned down to meet his waiting lips, “all night I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” Once again, Ginny sighed with pleasure, wondering how she was so lucky to be loved by Draco.
After making love, they both promised to never worry about such silly problems ever again. Holding each other close, they realized that worrying about the future wasn’t worth the uncertainty and separation that they had experienced earlier.
Later that morning, Draco and Ginny entered the Great Hall hand in hand, and saw Ron sitting at the Gryffindor table waving them over. “I wonder why he wants to speak to us,” Ginny murmured to Draco, wondering why Ron was in such a good mood.
“Draco, Ginny, sit down,” Ron said, pointing to two empty seats opposite himself and Harry. “How’s it going?” he added, nonchalantly.
“Fine, thanks,” Ginny replied warily, “Now do you want to tell me what’s up?” ‘Why in Merlin’s name is Ron was acting so sociable with me and Draco,’ she wondered.
“Hey little sis, what’s with all the questions?” Ron asked jokingly. “I just thought that it would be nice to have breakfast with you and your boyfriend. What’s wrong? Did you guys have a row or something?” he asked with a smile.
“No, sorry Ron, it’s nothing… I just couldn’t sleep very well last night, that’s all.” Ginny replied sweetly. That answer seemed enough to satisfy Ron, and he went back to eating his breakfast. “You’re awfully quiet this morning, Harry, is there something wrong?” Ginny asked, trying to make conversation.
“Oh, sorry Ginny, I was just wondering if I could ever find someone that loves me the way that you love Draco.” Harry answered pensively.
“Trust me Harry, there is someone out there for you,” Draco responded. “But let me give you one piece of advice. Once you find her, don’t ever let her go; or else, you will never recover.” He slid arm around Ginny’s waist and pulled her close, so that he could feel her body next to his.
“Thanks Draco,” Harry said sincerely. “Don’t worry; I’ve been waiting for so long to find someone that loves me that I won’t give myself the opportunity to screw it up. You know,” he continued, “I’m really happy for you two; you’re an extremely lucky guy, Draco, to have a great girl like Ginny.”
“Thank-you Harry, that is really sweet.” Ginny told him, smiling.
“You know, it’s true Ginevra; I do have a really great girl. I don’t deserve you.” Draco whispered as Ginny kissed him on the lips and wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him nearer.
“Ginevra? Ginevra!” Ginny could hear someone calling her name. When she woke up, she saw Draco lying on his side in front of her, looking panicked. “I have been looking for you all night Ginevra, why did you run away like that?” Draco stroked her hair, but waited for her answer.
As Ginny’s eyes adjusted to the light, she smiled remembering her wonderful dream. “I was just dreaming about you Draco, it was a brilliant dream…” Ginny explained, her mind disappearing into her dream world again. “We were together, and we were happy. Our families approved and even Harry envied our love and devotion to each other and was happy for us. We had no problems, no stress, no worries, no pain; we were just together and in love, and there were no obstacles keeping us from being together.”
“Ginny I’ve had the same dream, but this is reality!” Draco exclaimed. “Here, not everyone is happy, least of all you, and I am responsible for that.” Draco had done a lot of his own thinking the previous night, and decided that he could never be with Ginny; there were too many hurdles that they would never be able to overcome. However, unbeknownst to Ginevra, it was not Draco’s decision, but someone else’s.
“What are you talking about Draco, you have never caused me any pain! In case you don’t remember, you saved me from it!” Ginny sat up, looking confused.
“No Ginevra, I have forced a falling-out between you and your family.” Draco hung his head sadly. “I am not going to make you choose between us, I can’t make you do that. Ginevra, if you choose me, you will forever miss your family. And if you choose your family, we will both be heartbroken. Whatever you decide to do, I am going to be the cause of years of angst and regret for you. There’s nothing left to say; we cannot be together anymore.”
Ginny’s face fell when she heard those words coming from Draco. ‘This can’t be happening, this has to be a nightmare…’ “You don’t even know what my decision was Draco!” she exclaimed. “I love you and I don’t care what my family thinks. We can be happy together, and eventually everyone will have to accept our relationship.” Ginny was now pleading with Draco.
“But we don’t live in that dream world Ginevra!” Draco shouted, becoming frustrated with Ginny’s careless attitude. “We’re living a life where everyone disapproves of us being together, and are trying to keep us apart!” His heart was aching as he watched the pained expression of Ginny’s face. ‘I can’t give in and let Ginevra be hurt. If only she knew how much I love her and want to be with her. But she can never know, it has to be this way, for her own safety.’ He just wanted to hold her in his arms, whispering into her ear that everything would be all right, that it was just a big misunderstanding.
Ginny’s heart was breaking with every word that Draco spoke. “You’re wrong Draco!” Ginny cried, trying to make Draco to understand and change his mind. “I want us to be together and you want us to be together; that’s all that matters!” For the first time, Ginny hadn’t the faintest clue of what Draco was feeling when she looked into his eyes. ‘Why is Draco doing this?’ she wondered. ‘There has to be some way that we can be together, there has to be another chance for us.’
“I am sorry Ginevra, there is no other option. I just want you to be happy, and that can never happen as long as we are together.” Draco explained, trying his best to stay strong and not give into her perseverance. ‘If only I could tell her my suspicions of Lucius and how guilty I’d feel if I separated her from her family. But I can’t. I love her too much to drag her from the people she loves, just so that she can die for my sake.’
Ginny finally broke down into tears, as she couldn’t hold back her emotions any longer. Draco was also at his breaking point, and knew that he could not deny his love for her any longer if he stayed.
“Goodbye Ginevra,” Draco said coldly as he turned and left, leaving a broken-hearted Ginny, alone, and sobbing. ‘I can’t look into her eyes and watch her fall back into depression. If she knew why I was doing all of this she wouldn’t let us stay apart. So, this is the end for us.’
As Draco reached the corridor below the Astronomy Tower, he found Lucius waiting for him, smirking. Lucius had obviously heard everything that had occurred, and was enjoying the pain that his son was experiencing.
“Well done Draco,” Lucius said clapping slowly, mocking the despair of the situation. “I don’t believe I could have done it better myself. I am glad that you accepted my advice last night.”
“Shut up Lucius,” Draco snapped, matching his father’s tone. “I am not in the mood for you. You’ve had your way, so there is no other reason for you to be here.”
Draco had not realized how much pain he would be causing himself by trying to save Ginny. As he walked on, he thought, ‘I am so sorry Ginny, I promised you that I wouldn’t let my father keep us apart, but I failed miserably. Please forgive me, Ginevra, for I had no other alternative.’ Suddenly, he stopped, with a look of horror. He had done exactly what he had promised he would never do to Ginny; he had caused her more pain than Harry ever had. Even worse, after he had lied and denied his feelings for her, he did nothing but watch as his words ripped her soul to shreds.
“You made the right decision Draco. I’m surprised that you weren’t selfish. That is something Malfoys never do, and I am convinced you never learned it from me,” Lucius drawled, still smirking at his son. “Well, now that you are no longer burdened by that disgusting piece of trash, there is nothing preventing you from joining the Death Eaters. I shall plan your initiation as soon as possible.”
Draco whipped around to face his father. “Just because you think I obeyed you by breaking up with Ginevra does NOT mean that I will do your bidding forever. I will not follow your ridiculous Lord or join your stupid Death Eaters!” Draco shouted, losing control of his emotions.
“Don’t be so quick to make such idiotic decisions, Draco,” Lucius sneered, looking down at his son with contempt. “If you don’t join the Death Eaters, then your muggle-lover girlfriend will die!” He laughed, enjoying the pain stricken expression on Draco’s face. “Honestly Draco, have I taught you nothing? Haven’t I warned you time and time again not to cross me? Well,” Lucius shrugged as he walked away, “I can tell by the look on your face that you will take me up on my offer. Be prepared to serve the Dark Lord, my son,” Lucius said with pride as he strode down the corridor, impressed by his ability to control his only son.
Draco stood still and watched his father’s swaggering figure disappear around a bend in the corridor. He shook his head, muttering, “And that disturbed human being considers himself my father.’ Draco suddenly listened carefully, and realized that he could no longer hear Ginny’s sobs. He half-turned towards the direction of the Astronomy Tower, longing to hold Ginny in his arms and to soothe her fears away. But he stopped himself, knowing that her safety depended on his resolve to do as Lucius had commanded.
An old and very familiar wave of despair swept over Draco as he turned and walked away from the tower. For the first time in his life, he had been in love and had loved back. He had been completely understood by a beautiful redhead who wasn’t afraid of dealing with her own problems as well. He had been alive when he was in Ginny’s arms. But as Draco rounded a corner in the corridor, he squared his shoulders as a soldier does when headed towards a certain death. His life with Ginny was now just a dream, and no matter how much they both wanted that dream to be true, it could never be.
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