Chapter 41: Weighing the Cost
After all the commotion, it was hours before there was any time to gather one's thoughts and work through the emotional events of the evening. There were Healers to be summoned, Ministry officials to brief, and Aurors to set on guard around the Ministry network -- all on the look out for a wizard who was long-thought to be dead. When all the work was finally done and the weary were finally allowed to rest, his first thought was simply to find her.
It took a bit of doing to finally track her down, but he finally found her standing in the ruins of her father's former study. She was looking around it, wide-eyed in the dark, the picture of a lost little child, surrounded by charred and broken debris. Upon hearing his footsteps, she turned to meet him, her eyes shining with tears and a hopeless look of anguish upon her face.
"Harry, after everything that I've lost in the past 24 hours, I really don't want to do this right now. I couldn't stand losing you, too," she said, her voice shaking moderately, but it didn't crack as she was terrified that it might. She was trying hard not to break down. She'd been standing in the broken room -- on that, granted, she had never enjoyed as it normally accompanied her father's lectures about Guatemala -- but nevertheless, it was a place of comfort that was now shattered. Just like her family. These thoughts had been plaguing her as she stood in the dark, feeling utterly alone.
"Gabrielle, what are you talking about?" Harry asked wearily, as he stepped forward and gathering his fiancée into his arms, resting his head on her shoulder with a sigh of exhaustion.
"Now you know what my family is. What happens in this house. That...that I've been lying to you about it all," she stammered, unable to believe that Harry was holding her, instead of scorning her like she had so expected.
"Gabrielle..." Harry sighed.
"I didn't want to lie to you! I didn't think you'd accept me if you knew that my family was a bunch of Dark wizards, and with you being an Auror and the Ministry about to pass the new Act on Dark magic that would make my family a bunch of criminals in your eyes, I didn't know what to do! All that we wanted was for her to stop with the Act!" she cried out, as quickly as possible. Harry pulled back and stared, unblinking, into the red and tear-streaked face of Gabrielle.
"Gabrielle," he tried again to interrupt.
"I didn't know that any of this was happening, or what she was able to do! When the attacks on the unicorns started, it didn't matter any more if the Act wasn't signed for my family's benefit -- all that mattered was that we still be able to perform the right spells to keep them safe! Then the night came when we knew that we wouldn't be able to stop them anymore, and we didn't know what we were going to do! They stopped almost immediately as soon as she used her magic to strengthen the spells! It seemed like everything was all over! No more lying, no more scheming, no more acting like a typical Malfoy in order to keep you in the dark about what my family is!" she wailed.
"Gabby, my family is a bunch of horrible Muggles who hate magic and would be much happier if I never existed. It doesn't matter -- it never mattered. I've known all along that you were a Malfoy, and the Ministry has always been rather aware of what they've been up to, most of which we could never actually prove, mind you. It doesn't matter," he said soothingly.
"You've known? This whole time, you've known?"
"It's how we met, Gabrielle. The night we met in Hogsmeade, when Malfoy and I had that...um, well, fight, it was because he wouldn't come right out and tell me the whole truth. We were trading information -- he was telling me about the state of the unicorns (we need to make sure they were safe, after all), and I was updating him on the progress that Ginny was making getting new countries to support her new Act. I've known all along what's been going on, and it never mattered," he answered. She stared back at him, shocked.
"It never mattered?" she asked distantly. Suddenly, her face seemed to perk up and she blinked in realization. "This entire time, I've been making myself SICK over how to tell you about what to do if she passed that stupid Act! To the point where I got Draco to help me try to throw her off and distract her so that she wouldn't be able to get it through to the Bulgarian Minister! And you knew! Why didn't you tell me?"
"Why didn't you just tell me? I figured if you weren't going to bring it up...girls can be a bit touchy about that kind of thing, I really wasn't looking forward to there being a scene, you know," Harry said, slightly sheepishly under her sudden anger.
"Harry Potter, we need to make sure that we don't keep silly secrets from each other any more."
"Sounds like a deal to me, Gabby."
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She had slowly drifted awake, leaving the blissful darkness that had been her reality. Blinking painfully in the dim light, she tried to move, tried to see where she was and what had happened. She tried to speak, but found that her voice was hoarse and it was difficult to form any words. Her body felt heavy, and her eyes burned with the need for more sleep.
"Ginny, you're awake!" Hermione's voice, thankfully hushed, filled the room. Ginny turned her head, and was surprised to see herself in the bedroom she'd been staying in at the Malfoy house. She could see Hermione and Ron hovering near the bed, as if they'd been standing vigil together for a long time. She fought against the exhaustion plaguing her body, and sat up.
"How long have I been asleep?" she croaked out, scanning the room, searching for a gray pair of eyes that sometimes shined silver in the right type of lighting.
"Four days, Ginny. We were starting to get worried, but the MediWizards assured us that you were just sleeping off the effect of over-exerting your power. I'm glad you're awake!" Hermione answered, sitting down on the bed next to her.
"Four days," Ginny groaned, as her head began to spin from the effort it took her to sit up.
"we've been going crazy, waiting for you to wake up. It's all that Harry could do to keep the Ministry officials away from you this long. They're dying to question you, about what happened that night. Malfoy has been roaring at them all afternoon, every time they take a step down this corridor. That alone should have been enough to wake up, the bloody inconsiderate git," Ron explained, mumbling the last comment more to himself than anyone else.
"Why do they need to talk to me?" Ginny asked, squinting as she tried to make out the facial expressions of her brother and his friend in the dim light of the room.
"They're just wondering about Neville disappearing...with the magic blast and all, the don't rightly know how he could disappear like that. They're just hoping you might remember anything that could help them find him," Hermione explained, her voice gentle and cautious. It was obvious that she was hiding something from her. Ginny was silent for a moment, as she thought back to the night in question.
"No...he was standing in front of me, and I...created the blast...and then everything went black, until Draco woke me up afterwards. I didn't see him leave," Ginny said, her voice shaky and hoarse. She caught a veiled look pass between Hermione and Ron. "What is it that you two aren't telling me?"
"Ginny! We're not keeping anything from you!" Ron squeaked, his voice high-pitched as he attempted to feign insult. Ginny narrowed her eyes and glared at her brother, giving him the full effects of her icy look. He began to squirm. Hermione watched her friend as his sister glared at him, and knew that he was going to break soon.
"Oh for heaven's sake, Ron. Ginny, they need to know if Neville is still alive, and they think that you're the only one who would know it. If you tell them that Neville got away before it went off, then they'll keep searching for him. But if you think that...he didn't get away, then...they can call off the search," Hermione said, her voice faltering at the end. Ginny felt her blood run cold as she remembered the horrifying moments before she'd fainted that night.
"You mean, they think I killed him, just like I killed Danika," Ginny said, her voice soft.
"Oh Ginny, there was no way for you to know that she was still in the area, or even that your magic could be that powerful!" Hermione said, trying to be comforting.
"I lost control, and I didn't think of the consequences. Don't try to explain away a life, Hermione," Ginny snapped, her voice cold.
"She's not trying to --" Ron tried to interject.
"Would you guys mind? I would really like to be alone right now. I think I need to get some more sleep, I'm still really tired," Ginny cut him off, stone-faced and cold. They stared back at her, in surprise, before standing up and exiting without a word.
She managed to keep her expression blank until she heard the door click shut behind them. As soon as she knew that she was alone, she sank back down into the pillows, and curled herself up into a tiny ball, squeezing her eyes shut. Trying as hard as she could to block out the sight of Darien carrying his younger sister's lifeless body towards them.
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The next time she woke up, the room was very dark and silent. The heavy shroud of exhaustion that had made every movement so difficult the last time she was awake seemed to have mostly dissipated. She was still weak, but she was more alert than before.
She sat up in the bed, her mouth incredibly dry. She needed water. She reached around in the dark, hoping to find her wand so she could get some light in the room. After searching the surface of the nightstand next to the bed, she gave up looking for it. Closing her eyes, as the weight of guilt seemed to increase, she concentrated on her magic, and the lamp atop the table flickered softly, creating a dim light in the room.
A small rustling sound startled her, and she jumped. It took her eyes a few moments to adjust to the light. She saw the slight light from the lamp reflecting on the round lenses of Harry's glasses.
"Your turn to sit and watch me, Harry? To make sure that I'm not going to do anything crazy?" Ginny said waspishly.
"Just thought you might want a friend to be around when you woke up. I know every time I woke up in the hospital wing at Hogwarts, especially after the TriWizard tournament, it was always easier to face the world again if there was a friend sitting nearby," Harry said, simply. Ginny stared at him for a long moment, unable to avoid the startling parallel he'd made; he was comparing his experiences to hers. Didn't he know any better? He'd never killed anyone -- with one notable exception, and then only because he'd been left with no other choice. It was Voldemort, after all, and everyone was very pleased with that. But she'd lost control, and Draco's coursing was now dead.
"Harry, things for me are slightly different. Of course you had your friends around, you were a hero waking up after wining. After what I did...you could hardly make any comparison," she said, looking away from him.
"That was not your doing, Ginny," Harry said, taking pains to make his voice clear. His green eyes glittered at her in the dim light as he stared at her, determined make his point.
"Then why did you all blame me?" she asked softly. Harry sighed.
"Gin...what I said...it...the reason I said it--"
"It's alright, Harry. You were just echoing what everyone else was thinking. 'What have you done?' I think I would be wondering the same thing...except our roles would never be reversed, Harry. You're the hero, here. I just cost people their lives," Ginny sighed bitterly, looking away.
"I never felt like one -- except after the Chamber of Secrets, and I had Ron to share that with. It was the first -- and only time -- that I felt like I'd saved someone. It seemed like I ended every school year in the hospital wing. My fourth year was the hardest. Everyone wanted to know what happened, and they all stared at me like I was about to go mad and murder the whole school. It was very lonely," Harry said, his bright eyes seeming to stare straight through her, even as she was turned away from them.
"I guess I know what you mean," she mumbled. Silence fell over the two for a long time, before Ginny felt the need to speak. "How have you done it all these years, Harry?"
"Done what?"
"Weighed the costs. You've done great things, you've saved our world a few times. The first time, you were a baby and the cost was your parents. You saved me, and the whole school from shutting down, but the Basilisk nearly killed you. You defeated You-Know-Who for the last time, and it was Neville that died...all these great things, but there has always been a sacrifice along with the good. How do you justify that? Being the hero, when the costs are eating you up inside?" she asked, her voice breaking at the end. Her eyes were burning, she had to look away from him.
"You can't justify it. It never gets easier to take," Harry answered, his voice heavy with emotion. Ginny looked up at him. There was an unreadable expression on his face. "I'm sorry I stopped going to visit Neville's grave with you, Ginny. It just got too hard."
"I thought you forgot."
"You never forget. As you said, it eats you up inside."
"I know. That's why I had to go every year."
"I understand what you must be feeling right now. Cedric -- god, Sirius -- would still have been alive today if it weren't for mistakes that I made. That's why I said what I said...because I know what it's going to be like for you from now on. The feeling that you're going to have to live with for the rest of your life...I never wanted anyone, especially you, to have to feel that way," Harry said, his voice heavy and tired. Ginny looked up at him with wide eyes that reflected something that made her seem old and empty. Harry sighed at the sight, overwhelmed with sadness that someone so bright and lively would have to face it. He gave her a small smile, before standing to exit the room. As he opened the door, he paused and turned back to Ginny.
"We should have been there with you. We shouldn't have left you behind that night."
"I should have stayed behind. I should have made myself part of it. The same way Neville should have," Ginny said softly, before looking away again. Harry exited her bedroom in silence.
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Draco closed his eyes and he felt his body begin to relax. The soft breeze was drifting through the trees, and the soft and comforting sound of the unicorns - his unicorns - joined with the sound of the forest. The iridescent light of the forest was back, fueled by the magic of the silvery creatures that were now finally safe. The peace had returned; the beauty was reinstated and it was once again a sanctuary.
He was about to sit down under the oak tree near the pond, where he could watch the moon shine off the waters as the herd lay around the edge, sleeping. There was an air of sadness about them now, as two of their numbers had left them forever, but it wasn't sorrow that clung to them. Just a simple sadness that would eventually drift away. Unicorns couldn't remember sorrow for very long; they were creatures of the light and it would help to renew them.
He could feel her as soon as she stepped across the tree line into the clearing. The forest knew here now, it welcomed her presence gratefully, remembering how she had drawn out the poison that Longbottom had infected it with. The unicorns stirred as she drew near, but after recognizing her, they simply returned to their peaceful sleep. He turned to look at her, surprised to know that she was awake.
"You should be sleeping, Virginia," he said, as she walked forward almost blindly. He walked to intercept her, concerned by her stoicism. She ignored his comment, stopping in her tracks as she stared up at him. Her pale face was marred by bruises earned during her flight from Neville, but it wasn't that which caught his attention. Her brown eyes were starring at him, the expression on her face mirroring confusion and sorrow.
Her eyes were shining, brimming with years worth of unshed tears. He walked forward until he was right in front of her. Reaching out, he cupped her face with his hands, gentling raising it to look up at him.
"Ginny, everything is alright now," he whispered. Her lower lip trembled, and her liquid brown eyes were pleading with him. "It's okay."
She moved away as the tears overflowed. She backed away from him, until her strength gave way, her face crumbled and the first sob escaped her lips. She reached out to hum, touching his fingers. Draco was unsure of what to do - he'd never seen her break down before. She'd even said that night at the graveyard that she didn't cry, and had proved it by remaining dry-eyed as she'd told him the story of the night that haunted her.
Once the first sob came out, the rest followed as if a dam has been broken. She doubled over, blindly reaching out with her hands as she sank down to the ground. Instinctively, Draco knelt down beside her, and pulled her onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around her, and stroke her hair as she cried six years worth of tears.
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