Your Heart in My Hands
Author: Holly
Summary: As Draco contemplates the inevitable, Ginny lies in his arms, oblivious to his inner turmoil. DG one-shot.
Disclaimer: None of the characters of Harry Potter are mine. Obviously.
You say you love me for the millionth time, but it feels as amazing as it did the first time those words crossed your lips.
I believe you, because I know you’re too innocent to know any better. And Merlin knows, Gryffindors never lie in matters of the heart.
I tell you I know, and I kiss you softly. You’re so small in my arms, so fragile, and I know in that moment, that I alone have the power to break you. You have opened yourself to me, and I could destroy you.
I do not deserve this power. I do not merit the control over your heart that you have given me. You look at me, and your eyes speak of trust, hope and love- words I had lost belief in until I found you.
You are so innocent, so beautiful in your dreams and wishes for the future. And you tell me you want me to be a part of that. I smile, and you accept that as confirmation of my willingness to spend my life with you.
And gods I wish I could tell you I would. I wish I could promise you forever and mean it. Because, I think that if I could, I would spend my life with you. You showed me love, you saved me from myself, and I want to tell you I will be with you forever.
But I cannot.
My life has not shown me love, only distrust and hate. I know nothing of compassion other than what you have shown me. No one else on this earth trusts me completely, except you. I have never been loved, other than by you.
These are excuses, but they are all I have. I want to love you forever. I want to stay with you, marry you and grow old with you. But I cannot.
When I first pledged my allegiance to the Order, it was you who welcomed me. You smiled, and I almost felt that there was some hope left in our bleak world.
But I have learnt never to hope.
I thought that by joining the Order I could make a difference. I could show my father, show Dumbledore, show everyone that I was different. I wasn’t just another Slytherin on the path to glory and murder. I thought I could find peace, and acceptance.
Instead, I found you, and it has been both the greatest blessing and the utmost pain in my short twenty years of life.
You ask me what I’m thinking, and I am honest with you. I tell you that I’m thinking of you, and you smile, pleased with my answer. You start tracing figures of eights on my bare chest with your index finger and I bite back the uncharacteristic tears that are threatening to fall.
You ask if we should tell the others of our relationship. Your eyes are apprehensive as you search my face for an answer, and I know you still fear my indifference. I cup your face in my hand, and assure you that you may tell them everything whenever you see fit.
I deliberately leave myself out of my promises.
I know that you will tell them alone. That when you do, your face will be streaked with tears. That you will never forget me.
Gods Ginny if I could save you this pain I would.
You smile at my response and close your eyes. Tightening my hold on you, I watch you silently until you sleep. Each second ticks away too quickly, and I count down the minutes with dread.
In less than two hours I will leave you forever.
But I will never stop loving you. I wish I could tell you that, but I know you are dreaming happily by the smile tugging at your lips, and I cannot bring myself to wake you.
Why did it have to come to this? Have I not repented my sins? Have you not suffered enough in your short life? Why must we find love now, when it is so soon to be taken from us so cruelly?
I brush a stray hair from your face, and hold the shining auburn strand between my fingers for a moment. Your hair, your face, your body, your eyes…. There is nothing about you that does not intoxicate me, and I would gladly spend the rest of my existence lying here, watching you.
I close my eyes, trying to quell the utter despair that is tempting me to wake you. I cannot. I will not make you suffer this night. Tonight you are safe and warm and loved, and you know nothing of the horrors tomorrow will bring.
I will keep you safe, at all costs.
I know I should leave you some note, or letter, but there is nothing I can say that would ease your pain. Albus will tell you tomorrow, and although it will break your heart, you will be alive, and you will be safe, and that is the best I can do for you.
If I could spare you this, I would. If I had known what would become of us, I would never had kissed you that day in Scotland. I would never have held you as you cried over your brother’s death, and I would never had made love to you when you asked me to. I would never have smiled at you.
If I had known that by depriving myself of your sweet beauty and love, I could save you the pain of tomorrow, I would have done it gladly.
Christ Ginny, I am a changed person, and it is all because of you. The old Draco would never have loved, never have cared, and never have agreed to give my life away as I am about to. You are the reason that I am alive, and you are the reason that I will die.
I whisper I love you into your hair as you sigh in your sleep, and I slowly, and unwillingly untangle our limbs. I climb slowly from my bed- our bed- and have to restrain myself from climbing back in next to you and never letting go. I dress silently, and turn back to you.
I lean over you, and kiss you for the last time. To my dismay your eyes open slowly, and you ask where I’m going, your voice laced with sleep. I close my eyes, fighting the utter despair I feel, and attempt to keep my voice as normal as possible as I say that I am going to work. You ask if it is not too early, and I tell you to go back to sleep, that everything is ok. This does not answer your question, but you trust me, and smiling lazily, you brush your lips against mine sweetly and gently, and fall swiftly back into sleep.
I feel such pain I had never known possible, and I almost stumble as I back away from you, from my love, and my life and head for the door.
Potter is standing outside, his face grim, and his eyes lowered. He does not meet my eyes, and I am grateful. He asks if I am ready, and I can barely reply. He nods, and we apparate.
I have left you for the last time.
We reach the headquarters, and Remus, Albus and Snape await us. I see concern in all of their eyes, and I cannot bear it. Every fibre of my being wants to apparate home immediately. Home to you. But I know where my duty lies, it is with you. And I have to do this- for you.
I nod heartlessly as Albus tells me how sorry they all are. I cannot meet their eyes. He hands me a small book which is to be the portkey. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry as I see the title- it is your favourite novel. I do neither, and nod once more. Potter grips my shoulder and tells me he wishes it were him. We both know he is lying.
Remus tells me that they will look after you, and Albus assures me you will be safe. I nod again, unable to trust myself to talk about you without crying.
Snape says nothing, only looks at me, his eyes full of pity, and something I have wanted for many years- pride. It means nothing to me now, as I imagine you waking to find me gone.
I mumble a thanks to them all- I don’t know for what- and take hold of the portkey. As I feel the familiar tug at my navel, I reach for my wand, and try to suppress the utter hopelessness I feel.
You told me that love conquers all. You told me that hope never dies. You told me you loved me.
You promised me forever, and I know that can never be.
As I open my eyes, and find myself in the midst of a Death Eater gathering, I remember your fiery hair, your sparkling eyes and your gentle laugh. I meet the eyes of my father, and I grip my wand tighter.
This is the end. I will die today, and you will wake to find Potter in our room. He will tell you where I am, and you will try to follow. Whether you do or not, it will be too late. I will be dead.
But I will never stop loving you Ginevra Weasley.
And loves light blue
Led me to you
Through all the emptiness that had become my home
Love's light cruel
Introduced me to you
And that moment I knew I was out of hope
Kill me
I begged and love said no
Leave me
For dead and let me go
Kill me
I cried and love said no
Kill me
I cried and love said no
Love's icy tomb
Dug open for you
Lies in a cemetery that bares my name
Love's violent tune
From me to you
Rips your heart out and leaves you
Bleeding with a smile on your face
Kill me
I begged and love said no
Leave me
For dead and let me go
Kill me
I cried and love said no
Kill me
I cried and love said no
Loves light blue
Took me from you
And that moment I knew I was out of hope
Again
Kill me
I begged and love said no
Leave me
For dead and let me go
Kill me
I cried and love said no
Kill me
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