Summary: . I cannot imagine tomorrow, I cannot even remember yesterday. All I know is this moment, this harsh realisation that I will never see you again. DG- companion piece to Your Heart In My Hands- read that before this please!

I wake, and as I try to adjust to the light, I have a strange sense of foreboding. I dismiss it- I feel this way every morning I wake up without you beside me.

I smile as I remember the soft kiss you placed on my lips before you left this morning. Lazily I turn toward my clock, and nearly scream as I notice two figures standing in the corner of the room.

I only relax a little as I recognise them; Harry and Dumbledore. Usually I would be happy to see them, but this is your bed I lie in, and our relationship is not yet known.

When I meet their eyes, any fears of them knowing of us are replaced by trepidation of what has made them appear so solemn.

I wonder where you are.

They do not ask me what I am doing in your apartment, in your room, in your bed. They seem to have expected me to be there.

I have never seen Harry so solemn, with one exception. He usually tries to hide his worries from me- to him I will always be Ron’s little sister, and he tries to veil to horrors of the world from me. The last time he looked this way was when Ron was killed by your father. I hate to see him this way.

I wonder, with dismay, if Luna is dead. I cannot imagine the carefree, slightly eccentric wife of Harry to have been killed, but it is one of the few things that would explain Harry’s face. I rise from the bed to go to him, when I realise I cannot be right.

It would not explain his presence- or Dumbledore’s- in your rooms.

Severus. It has to be Severus. He is your godfather, Hermione’s husband. I close my eyes, and am glad you are not here to hear the news. Biting my lip, I realise you may already know. His death would be very hard on you.

Albus speaks for the first time, breaking the slightly unreal silence in the room. He tells me there was a Death Eater meeting this morning, and that one of the Order infiltrated it. Seven Death Eaters were killed, including your father. The member of the Order died.

Tears well in my eyes as I think of Severus- so changed since finding love- crying out ‘Mione’s name as he fell. He gave his life to the Order many times, but I never thought it would claim it. Surely he had suffered enough?

I think of you, and despite my commiseration for Hermione, I am relieved it was not you.

A cold chill grasps my heart, and I almost forget to breath.

I do not know where you are.

I meet Dumbledore’s eyes, and see nothing that reveals your location to me. I turn to Harry, and he steps toward me, pure empathy radiating from him.

I shake my head. I will not listen, I will not hear it.

I look at the floor, and speak for the first time, my voice somehow even despite the raging storms inside of me.

I ask them to tell me you are at work. That you are safe at 12 Grimmauld Place. That you will be back in our bed tonight.

That it was not you at the Order.

They cannot.

A strangled cry escapes my lips, and I beg them to tell me you are safe. I scream, and cry and call your name, all the while demanding they tell me where you are.

I will not believe you are dead.

My legs fail me, and I fall back onto the bed.

Harry steps towards me, and I lash out desperately. He wants to comfort me, and I will not let him. You are not dead. I do not need comfort. Mione needs comfort, Harry does. Molly needs it for the loss of Ron last year. Colin, for the loss of his brother. Remus, Neville, Lavender, they need it.

I do not.

I do not need comfort, because you are at work, you are locating the enemy, not confronting them. You are safe, and you are not lying on the floor of a Death Eater lair. You are alive and well and you want to spend the rest of your life with me.

Memories of last night’s conversation flood back into my brain. We spoke of our future. You cannot be dead. You would not have left to fight, not have risked your life.

Harry tells me you did it for me.

Did you?

Did you leave me here, lying on our bed, feeling safe and loved and happy, and go to your death? How could that possibly have been for my benefit? Did you not know that every time you left my sight I wanted to cry. That waking up without you broke my heart?

That to loose you would ruin me?

How could you risk everything, and then say it was for me?

Don’t you know there is nothing left for me if you are not here?

Albus takes my hand, and looks deep into my eyes, and I feel my soul is bared to him. He sees my pain, my anger, my denial and my love. He places his other hand on my shoulder and tells me why you fought. Why you went to your death.

Gods Draco did you not know I would risk it? That I would not care if your father sent ten thousand Death Eaters after me, that death would be nothing compared to this?

You are, regardless of death, my life.

Harry and Albus will not leave, even as I insist I need to be alone. They do not trust me to face another day.

In a way they are right to. I cannot imagine tomorrow, I cannot even remember yesterday. All I know is this moment, this harsh realisation that I will never see you again. That you will never hold me, or make love to me. That we will never fight again, and that I will never worry over your affection for me.

In dying, you proved, beyond any doubt that you loved me.

I hope you know I always knew.

While the others may fear I will try and follow you into death, they are wrong. I know your sacrifice was for me, and although I wish you never made it, I can only honour your love and your death by living.

I wish… there are too many wishes. I cannot ask for one more day with you, one more night in your arms, as one more would not be enough.

Eternity is too much to desire, and all I want. It was never possible, always unfathomable, and yet an eternity without you now seems all to real.

Lucius wanted me dead. You killed him, and died in the process. You avenged your mothers death, Ron’s, and countless others, but you did it only with me in mind.

In retrospect it is all too clear to me what I failed to recognise last night. As I replay the night in my mind, I can see that your smile never quite reached your eyes, that your forehead creased when you thought I was not watching. That you held me even tighter than usual.

If I had woken earlier, if Albus and Harry had not seen your body, I would have followed. I would have gone to you.

They tell me it would have been too late, that you died moments after reaching the meeting.

I realise now that I lied to you- inadvertently. I told you that there was always hope, that regardless of what life threw at me, I would always have it.

My hope died with you. My love did not.

Eternity awaits.

"Even In Death"

Give me a reason to believe that you're gone
I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong
Moonlight on the soft brown earth
It leads me to where you lay
They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home


I will stay forever here with you
My love
The softly spoken words you gave me
Even in death our love goes on

Some say I'm crazy for my love, Oh my love
But no bonds can hold me from your side, Oh my love
They don't know you can't leave me
They don't hear you singing to me



And I can't love you, anymore than I do