Chapter 8- I’m OK
“K- Kaya?”
The pretty blonde looked up from where she was stretched out on the floor running lines with Ginny. “Yes?”
“P- Patrick asked me to give this to you.”
Kaya glanced over the note, then shot Patrick a death glare across the room. “Hold on a second, I’m going to write him back. Do you have a quill?” The boy pulled one out and handed it to her, and Kaya quickly scrawled a message, then scribbled Patrick’s out for good measure. She handed the quill back to its owner and gave him an impish grin and a wink. “Alrighty, then. Thanks, Babe.”
Ginny watched the boy walk away with slightly weak knees, and a slight frown spread across her face. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?” Kaya’s blue eyes were innocent, her perfect smile still in place.
“That. Flirt with everyone like that?”
Kaya tossed her gold-spun hair over her shoulder with a laugh. “Why not?”
“Kaya.”
“Aw, lighten up,” Kaya said, pouting her dusky lips in a playful frown. “I was just playing around.”
“Well, I don’t find it amusing, and I don’t Blaise would, either.”
“Oh, come on, Ginny, Blaise and I aren’t even an official couple. It’s not like you never flirt. As a matter of fact, I don’t think Draco would appreciate the fact that you flirt with Blaise on a regular basis.”
Ginny’s cheeks went pink, but her gaze remained steady. “Kaya, you flirt with every guy in the school, but you don’t get close to any of them. Why?”
Kaya sighed and turned away, her brow furrowed in anger and . . .worry? “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Ginny sat up straighter, surprised to have hit a nerve in her new friend. “What is it, Kaya? Just tell me.”
“I said I don’t want to talk about it, Gin!”
“But, Kaya, I-”
Kaya flipped around, blue eyes shooting sparks. “Drop it.”
Ginny dropped it.
On a rare leisure day, Ginny, Blaise, and Draco sat eating lunch together under a tree beside the Lake.
“Where’s Kaya, Gin?”
Ginny shrugged, deep in thought, and Blaise answered for her. “She had a bunch of homework for this week that she hasn’t done yet, so she’s trying to catch up.”
“I’m worried about Kaya,” Ginny announced suddenly, looking up at her companions for the first time. “I think she’s hiding something.”
Draco raised an eyebrow at his girlfriend. “Like what?”
“I. . .don’t know,” Ginny admitted, frowning. “That’s what makes me so curious. But whatever it is, it keeps her from letting any guys get close to her.”
Blaise snorted. “That’s what you think.”
“I don’t mean physically, Blaise,” Ginny said impatiently, sighing at his one-track mind. “I mean emotionally. Haven’t you noticed how she flirts with everyone, but doesn’t let anyone see farther than her pretty face? I think she’s been seriously hurt in the past.”
Blaise shook his head, bewildered, but Draco looked thoughtful.
“I think I know what you mean. I’ve noticed, too, I guess, but didn’t bother to connect the dots.”
“Well I want to know,” Ginny said determinedly, throwing down her napkin and standing. “Come on, we’re going to go find a certain Kadence Montespan.”
“Once upon a time there was a girl
In her early years she had to learn
How to grow up living in a war that she called home
Never know just where to turn for shelter from the storm
Hurt me to see the pain across my mother's face
Every time my father's fist would put her in her place
Hearing all the yelling, I would cry up in my room
Hoping it would be over soon”
Ginny, Blaise, and Draco, having looked every possible other place, had poked their heads into the Practice Room to find Kaya sitting in the windowsill. She was quite oblivious to their presence, plucking the strings of a guitar and singing, her voice hoarse.
“Bruises fade, Father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my Mother, for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake, I look back at yesterday
And I'm OK”
Ginny stepped hesitantly into the room, eyes on her friend, hoping against hope that what she was hearing was just a song.
“I often wonder why I carry all this guilt
When it's you that helped me put up all these walls I've built
Shadows stir at night through a crack in the door
The echo of a broken child screaming 'Please, no more'
Daddy, don't you understand the damage you have done?
To you it's just a memory, but for me it still lives on”
Draco stepped inside, sensing the pain flowing off Kaya; this was all too real to her.
“Bruises fade, Father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so, so afraid
Strength is my Mother, for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake I look back at yesterday”
Blaise was halfway across the room before Ginny could lay a hand on his arm, unable to just stand and watch any longer. Kaya strummed the guitar strings harder, her voice raw and emotive.
“It's not so easy to forget
All the lines you left along her neck
When I was thrown against cold stairs
And every day I'm afraid to come home
In fear of what I might see there”
Kaya threw her head back, tearing the words out of her throat, tears streaming down her face; this was her legacy.
“Bruises fade, Father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my Mother, for all the love you gave
Every morning that I wake, I look back at yesterday
And I'm OK
Oh, I'm OK”
The guitar dropped to the floor, and Kaya finally turned and saw the trio watching her. Blaise held out his hand, and Kaya threw herself at him, burying her face in his shoulder, trying to get away from the memories.
“Help me,” she choked out, crying harshly against him. “Please. . .I just want to forget.”
Blaise rubbed Kaya’s back slowly, fighting to keep his voice from cracking. “I know, sweetheart, I know.”
“He made me feel so. . . so weak. I was just a little girl; there was nothing I could ever do to stop him. I almost died once.” Kaya’s voice was soft and harsh, cracking from overuse and the constant effort of holding her emotions at bay. “He threw mom against a wall, and she cracked her head and went unconscious. I thought she was going to die, and I stood between her and dad, and he just went right on swinging.” Kaya stopped, unable to continue. She sucked in a deep, shaky breath through her nose and swallowed hard. “Eventually, he passed out, and when mom woke up she saw me.”
“I’ll kill him,” Blaise said quietly, dangerously. His hands had balled into fists. “What a bast-”
“Blaise,” Ginny breathed, looking at him sharply.
“It’s alright, Gin,” Kaya said, raising a hand to stay her friend. “Blaise, I don’t hate him like you think I must. I can remember better times from when I was really young, times before he became-” She stopped again, biting her lip. “He was a good man. It was the demon in the bottle that made him what he was.”
Blaise wasn’t convinced. “Still, to do what he did. . .”
“I don’t blame him, Blaise; I pity him.” Blaise looked unbelieving, and Kaya smiled very slightly. “I have to live with the pain; he has to live with the shame.”
“Does he. . .” Ginny hesitated, then decided there was no more delicate way of putting it. “Does he still drink?”
Kaya shook her head, stretching her aching legs. “Not since that night. The Healer at St. Mungo’s really lit into him, told him he was a terrible father and if he hadn’t passed out when he had, I’d be dead; she almost went to the Minister himself. Dad just sat down, put his head in his hands, and cried. He swore to never drink again, and as far as I know, he never has. Mom couldn’t handle seeing him anymore, though, so she left him. I haven’t seen him since.”
“How do you know he doesn’t still drink?”
“I get letters, the occasional visits from friends of his. I can tell he misses me, but he’s too trapped in guilt to really make an effort.” Kaya pushed herself up from the cold stone, wincing as her stiff muscles straightened. “I need to go sleep for a week, guys. Thanks for finding me.”
“K- Kaya?”
The pretty blonde looked up from where she was stretched out on the floor running lines with Ginny. “Yes?”
“P- Patrick asked me to give this to you.”
Kaya glanced over the note, then shot Patrick a death glare across the room. “Hold on a second, I’m going to write him back. Do you have a quill?” The boy pulled one out and handed it to her, and Kaya quickly scrawled a message, then scribbled Patrick’s out for good measure. She handed the quill back to its owner and gave him an impish grin and a wink. “Alrighty, then. Thanks, Babe.”
Ginny watched the boy walk away with slightly weak knees, and a slight frown spread across her face. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?” Kaya’s blue eyes were innocent, her perfect smile still in place.
“That. Flirt with everyone like that?”
Kaya tossed her gold-spun hair over her shoulder with a laugh. “Why not?”
“Kaya.”
“Aw, lighten up,” Kaya said, pouting her dusky lips in a playful frown. “I was just playing around.”
“Well, I don’t find it amusing, and I don’t Blaise would, either.”
“Oh, come on, Ginny, Blaise and I aren’t even an official couple. It’s not like you never flirt. As a matter of fact, I don’t think Draco would appreciate the fact that you flirt with Blaise on a regular basis.”
Ginny’s cheeks went pink, but her gaze remained steady. “Kaya, you flirt with every guy in the school, but you don’t get close to any of them. Why?”
Kaya sighed and turned away, her brow furrowed in anger and . . .worry? “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Ginny sat up straighter, surprised to have hit a nerve in her new friend. “What is it, Kaya? Just tell me.”
“I said I don’t want to talk about it, Gin!”
“But, Kaya, I-”
Kaya flipped around, blue eyes shooting sparks. “Drop it.”
Ginny dropped it.
On a rare leisure day, Ginny, Blaise, and Draco sat eating lunch together under a tree beside the Lake.
“Where’s Kaya, Gin?”
Ginny shrugged, deep in thought, and Blaise answered for her. “She had a bunch of homework for this week that she hasn’t done yet, so she’s trying to catch up.”
“I’m worried about Kaya,” Ginny announced suddenly, looking up at her companions for the first time. “I think she’s hiding something.”
Draco raised an eyebrow at his girlfriend. “Like what?”
“I. . .don’t know,” Ginny admitted, frowning. “That’s what makes me so curious. But whatever it is, it keeps her from letting any guys get close to her.”
Blaise snorted. “That’s what you think.”
“I don’t mean physically, Blaise,” Ginny said impatiently, sighing at his one-track mind. “I mean emotionally. Haven’t you noticed how she flirts with everyone, but doesn’t let anyone see farther than her pretty face? I think she’s been seriously hurt in the past.”
Blaise shook his head, bewildered, but Draco looked thoughtful.
“I think I know what you mean. I’ve noticed, too, I guess, but didn’t bother to connect the dots.”
“Well I want to know,” Ginny said determinedly, throwing down her napkin and standing. “Come on, we’re going to go find a certain Kadence Montespan.”
“Once upon a time there was a girl
In her early years she had to learn
How to grow up living in a war that she called home
Never know just where to turn for shelter from the storm
Hurt me to see the pain across my mother's face
Every time my father's fist would put her in her place
Hearing all the yelling, I would cry up in my room
Hoping it would be over soon”
Ginny, Blaise, and Draco, having looked every possible other place, had poked their heads into the Practice Room to find Kaya sitting in the windowsill. She was quite oblivious to their presence, plucking the strings of a guitar and singing, her voice hoarse.
“Bruises fade, Father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my Mother, for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake, I look back at yesterday
And I'm OK”
Ginny stepped hesitantly into the room, eyes on her friend, hoping against hope that what she was hearing was just a song.
“I often wonder why I carry all this guilt
When it's you that helped me put up all these walls I've built
Shadows stir at night through a crack in the door
The echo of a broken child screaming 'Please, no more'
Daddy, don't you understand the damage you have done?
To you it's just a memory, but for me it still lives on”
Draco stepped inside, sensing the pain flowing off Kaya; this was all too real to her.
“Bruises fade, Father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so, so afraid
Strength is my Mother, for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake I look back at yesterday”
Blaise was halfway across the room before Ginny could lay a hand on his arm, unable to just stand and watch any longer. Kaya strummed the guitar strings harder, her voice raw and emotive.
“It's not so easy to forget
All the lines you left along her neck
When I was thrown against cold stairs
And every day I'm afraid to come home
In fear of what I might see there”
Kaya threw her head back, tearing the words out of her throat, tears streaming down her face; this was her legacy.
“Bruises fade, Father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my Mother, for all the love you gave
Every morning that I wake, I look back at yesterday
And I'm OK
Oh, I'm OK”
The guitar dropped to the floor, and Kaya finally turned and saw the trio watching her. Blaise held out his hand, and Kaya threw herself at him, burying her face in his shoulder, trying to get away from the memories.
“Help me,” she choked out, crying harshly against him. “Please. . .I just want to forget.”
Blaise rubbed Kaya’s back slowly, fighting to keep his voice from cracking. “I know, sweetheart, I know.”
“He made me feel so. . . so weak. I was just a little girl; there was nothing I could ever do to stop him. I almost died once.” Kaya’s voice was soft and harsh, cracking from overuse and the constant effort of holding her emotions at bay. “He threw mom against a wall, and she cracked her head and went unconscious. I thought she was going to die, and I stood between her and dad, and he just went right on swinging.” Kaya stopped, unable to continue. She sucked in a deep, shaky breath through her nose and swallowed hard. “Eventually, he passed out, and when mom woke up she saw me.”
“I’ll kill him,” Blaise said quietly, dangerously. His hands had balled into fists. “What a bast-”
“Blaise,” Ginny breathed, looking at him sharply.
“It’s alright, Gin,” Kaya said, raising a hand to stay her friend. “Blaise, I don’t hate him like you think I must. I can remember better times from when I was really young, times before he became-” She stopped again, biting her lip. “He was a good man. It was the demon in the bottle that made him what he was.”
Blaise wasn’t convinced. “Still, to do what he did. . .”
“I don’t blame him, Blaise; I pity him.” Blaise looked unbelieving, and Kaya smiled very slightly. “I have to live with the pain; he has to live with the shame.”
“Does he. . .” Ginny hesitated, then decided there was no more delicate way of putting it. “Does he still drink?”
Kaya shook her head, stretching her aching legs. “Not since that night. The Healer at St. Mungo’s really lit into him, told him he was a terrible father and if he hadn’t passed out when he had, I’d be dead; she almost went to the Minister himself. Dad just sat down, put his head in his hands, and cried. He swore to never drink again, and as far as I know, he never has. Mom couldn’t handle seeing him anymore, though, so she left him. I haven’t seen him since.”
“How do you know he doesn’t still drink?”
“I get letters, the occasional visits from friends of his. I can tell he misses me, but he’s too trapped in guilt to really make an effort.” Kaya pushed herself up from the cold stone, wincing as her stiff muscles straightened. “I need to go sleep for a week, guys. Thanks for finding me.”
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