Her eyes were cast downward, as though afraid to let the whole world see what emotions they held. The sadness, the confusion; and the yearning for a world that she had been part of but had fled.
She walked on, a witch in her early twenties, blending in with Muggles. She had changed her identity from the moment a most grievous mistake she had committed had been revealed. And every moment hence, she had regretted.
She starved for something, something that was her choosing; something that would make her content. She wished for a way to bring back all she had lost. But such was impossible and she had no choice but to accept her existence. One that was empty, bewildered and lackluster.
She stopped by the bus stop, marveling at the fact that she could no longer wave her wand hand to provide transportation. Nor did she wish for Apparition or Floo-ing, those would have been so easy to trace.
For she so needed to remain hidden. Hidden from the world that had scorned and exiled her. From the world that held the person that had she believed had loved her yet had left her. She wanted nothing but to punish herself. And what more worthy punishment than to be alone, tormented by thoughts; taunted by memories. In her heart, she knew she deserved it and so she allowed herself to be drowned. She was no longer hoping for a hero to save her. All she really wanted was salvation.
Yet, would salvation be found at the end of a life of oppressed and depressed feelings? Nothing could answer her for she could only hope.
Turbulent and troubled, he stared long and hard at the view that was before him. He was staring so intently yet he was seeing nothing. All he saw was darkness, mist and fog in formation, a mirror of his emotions.
On the edge of that cliff he stood, brilliant and stalwart, seemingly ready for any tragic event or violent attack that would come his way. No one was to know that he had faced the most terrible thing that he could have faced and he had failed to survive.
He had been pained and had caused pain. He had allowed himself to succumb to the fear of losing all he had when he had no idea that he would lose all he really needed. And that had hurt— the realization that he had pushed away something he wanted that was being given freely.
He made a move as though to leave his haunt. And haunt it, he did. He was there every lonely afternoon, replaying the events that had destroyed his faith in his twisted ideals and those of his family, who had planted them in him. But he also remembered how it had caused him to renew his faith on other people; that maybe hope and love did exist.
He started toward his family’s legacy, a brooding, depressing mansion that stood in the middle of nowhere, Unplottable and guarded by numerous spells and enchantments. To him, it was his place of birth, his place of growth and lately, his place of torture and torment.
It housed the people who had told him to forget the slight lapse in his part. Those who had told him to bury it in the deep recesses of his mind; to never again call it back. They would have been surprised and angered to learn that he disobeyed those orders. But he neither cared nor respected their opinion. All he cared for was one thing: the one thing he probably never would have.
And, yes, it truly hurt now to look back and relive the joy, for he missed its presence. He also knew that though he had fallen in love with the wrong person according to the standard of the society he lived in; there was no denying that it had made him what he was now— a better human being. It didn’t matter that the love, though selflessly shared, had been founded in the midst of hate, mistrust and disorder, all of which eventually led to pain and betrayal. It had, whatever anyone could say, still been love.
And love, though probably something he didn’t deserve, was what kept him going. Hoping that he would see her again and vowing that he would not die until he told her he loved her and that needed her. Only then would he find his salvation.
She arrived in her boring Muggle flat, not noting the drab surroundings that she was forced to endure each day. Noting the lack of the love of a big and boisterous family that she was a member of. She already knew this and to fill the void, she refused to acknowledge it. But it was there— the pain of absence.
She didn’t bother to cook dinner. Hunger was beyond her, so she padded to her room, fell face down on the bed and proceeded to sleep in that state- disheveled, distraught and dirty.
The next morning dawned bright and as Ginny had forgotten to pull the curtains close the night before, she had the misfortune of getting a heavy, unexpected dose of the sun’s cruel, early morning, wake-up rays.
Getting up, cursing the sun and its dazzle that contrasted with her life in general, she went out to the kitchen, looking for something to drink. Crying usually parched her throat and as she had done a lot of that the night before, she needed to clear the clogging as soon as possible.
After getting the much-needed liquid down her throat, she took a bath and dressed to get to her boring job at the office. How she got a job was beyond her. She just was able to. After all, Professor McGonagall had been kind enough to draw a “mock” diploma of her graduating college with a degree in… she couldn’t remember. All she knew that it enabled her to work in a Muggle office. Learn how to use a computer, and other Muggle things.
When she got off the bus at her stop, she walked up to the tall building that had given her her source of income for the past three years or so.
As she was entering the building, she felt different. As though someone was looking at her but when she turned around, she saw no one. Putting it all down to paranoia, she went inside to earn her keep.
That night when she arrived at the apartment complex she lived in, Ginny opened the door and immediately felt something wrong. As though something was there that didn’t really belong. She was afraid to look up for fear that she was right, praying all the while that she was being paranoid when—
“Ginny, is that you?” asked a voice that Ginny had thought she never again would hear. She looked up and came face to face with him. The person who had inspired numerous emotions in her; emotions that, just lately, she had been able to block off.
In just a moment, it all had come out tangible and real emotions that she had tried to erase; and she resented him for it. “How did you find me? Why?”
“I had to find you. It took me everything, I have numerous connections. And I saw you enter the building this morning—.”
“So that was you! It wasn’t just my paranoia!” Ginny exclaimed, thinking back on that moment that morning.
“Yes, I couldn’t believe my eyes. For so long, I had been looking for you and when I saw you there. Well, I must say I was shocked. I had to find out. Fortunately, our family, though Muggle-haters, have businesses in connection with that part of the world. After all, it’s very lucrative.”
Ginny just stared at him, not trusting herself to speak. She shook her head, hoping that she was dreaming and he was merely an illusion.
Draco ran his hands through his hair. The tension was too great that he went towards her, arms held as though he wanted to touch her. Ginny, noticing what he was planning to do, let out a strangled cry and blurted out, “If you take another step near me, I swear I'll –”
She was cut off when Draco suddenly grasped her shoulders and looked as though he wanted to shake some sense into her. “Why, Ginny? It’s been to long since we saw it each other. It was, what? A year after your graduation? Why do you turn from me so?”
”Why? You ask me why as though you have no inclination of why I resent your appearance after so long a separation? Why? You want to know why? Well, because you left me without a goodbye or a letter of explanation! Because you left me with hurt feelings and a bruised ego! Because you left me to fend off the guilt of entering into a relationship that everybody frowned upon! That’s why!” She had shaken herself free from his grasp and turned away from him, to hide that her tears were threatening to fall.
"What would you have done if I didn't leave? Would you have stayed with me? Would you have gone on in a relationship that was doomed to fail? Would you still have loved me if all these years we had spent together, freely and carelessly?" Draco asked, his throat tight with emotion.
“Yes! For the love of God, yes, I would have. But you didn’t give me that choice. You left me without a word and yet here you are, trying to place blame on me. You didn’t give enough credit to believe that I would have tried to make it work with the person I love. That’s thick, Draco. You became just like every other guy I had gone out with. No, you’re worse. And to think that I allowed myself to believe that you could have been different.” Ginny, tears falling from her face looked at Draco and dared him to deny her claim.
“But it was hopeless. My father would have killed you for polluting my brain, as he claims. That’s if my mother didn’t beat him to it,” said Draco, trying to reason with the lady before him.
“Oh? Is that what you were thinking of when you left me all alone? My safety?” Ginny responded sarcastically. “You didn’t think of the fact that you might lose your inheritance and be forced to live in poverty as I have all my life? How silly of me, of course you were so selfless that you thought only of your love for me.” Ginny raised her eyebrows, bemused and angry at the same time.
“I do love you, with all my heart, I love you,” Draco answered, ignoring all her other comments. Ginny, on the other hand, still had the skeptical look on her face.
He made a move towards her and grasped her hands with force as she was trying to withdraw them. He looked at her in the eyes and said, “You can deny it all you want, but in the end you know it's true."
Ginny smiled the briefest of rueful smiles then sighed, returning the look he gave her. “I’m not denying it Draco. I know it’s there, otherwise, you wouldn’t have gone looking for me as you had done,” she said, as she pulled her hands from his, “but it will never work. We’d have to find someone else. Someone that will fit in with our society. Your society,” she said, pointedly.
“No, Ginny. I forgot that a long time ago. I don’t care for them, not anymore. Can’t you see? I’m here because all I care for is you. All I need is you. Please. I don’t need anyone else.” Draco’s eyes looked at her, the pleading and beseeching evident.
“Yes, you need me… I know that; I accept that. You have nothing much to lose anymore, if what you say is to be believed. But what about me, Draco? Did you, for a minute, think about me? I need someone else. Someone that can make it possible for me to face my family again.” Suddenly, Ginny choked at this as she remembered the family she loved so much and the one she had turned away from, in shame; in remorse.
She continued, “Someone I can introduce to them without fear of their disapproval; their astonishment. Let me go, Draco. I was willing enough to fight for you before. But now, it’s too late.” She shook her head and looked down at her hands.
With tears in her eyes, she kept going, still looking at her hands, “I waited for you for three years, and in the end I'm still disappointed.”
Draco looked as though he was about to protest when Ginny held up her hand and said with force, “Not in you, but in me,” she said, pointing at herself. “For realizing that all the time I had been hiding, I had been waiting for you. Waiting for you to come and say you’ll fight for me. Luckily, now I know that what I need is to forget you. To look for someone else. So I’ll not be so disappointed that I made a mess of my life. A mess of the life that I value too much. A life that doesn’t belong with you.”
Throughout most of her speech, Draco had been shaking his head. He looked at her and suddenly said vehemently, “No. I love you. I’m not just willing to fight for you now, but I’m willing to die for you if the must arrives.”
Suddenly, his voice turned desperate as he said, “I don’t want us to be separated again, Ginny. I won’t be able to bear it. You might think I’m crazy but I won’t let you go. No,” he said, shaking his head, “If I can't have you, then no one can."
He stomped his feet on the ground, frustration very much evident. “I can not and will not bear the thought of you with someone else, Ginny. Don’t you love me anymore?” he asked her, the tears clogging up his throat as he tried to explain his side to her.
Ginny was silent for a moment and she answered after what must have been a long and complex thought process, “I did love you. With all my heart. But that got flushed down the drain the minute you didn’t fight for me. The minute you returned to your family and left me to the scorn of the people I fought to be with you.”
Draco shook his head then laughed a hollow, dead laugh. “You’re evading my question, dearest. I asked if you still love me. I know you do. You disappoint me. You’re not honest, you’re trying to fight the one thing I know you want,” he said in a brutal and harsh manner.
Visibly shaking from his cruel attack, Ginny, in a sarcastic voice replied, “That's all I can ever do, then, isn't it? I disappointed my friends and family, I disappointed myself, and now I disappointed you. Bad Ginny, lying to protect herself. Lying to save the last shred of her dignity. Lying to salvage everything that she had after you took away everything. No, Draco,” she said in a quiet, defeated sort-of voice, “you know, I think that maybe it's you who disappointed me."
Ginny shook her head, cutting off the answer that Draco was about to give. “I never asked for this to happen. I never wanted things to be like this. But you brought all this on yourself. Yes, Draco. If that is what you want to know. Yes, I loved you, I still love you and I probably will until who knows when. But love is not important anymore. What’s important is that I need so much more. I’ve been so discontented that I know that what I want is not just being with you. I don’t want to hurt my family, my friends— the other people besides you, who are important to me. You can say anything but nothing can possibly change my sentiments.”
Draco, no longer trying to hold back tears that were freely falling down his face said, “I love you, and I'm going to wait for you even if it takes years. Do whatever you want. Escape me, for all I care. But when you come back, I'll be right here waiting.”
“Don’t say that. It’s useless. I don’t want to love you anymore. I can’t help it. I do. But I know it’s so wrong. Why do you keep saying things so hurtful, so true that I want nothing but to kiss you and say that everything is going to be all right? Why can’t you just leave me alone? Why can’t you just let go?” Ginny responded, clearly confused by the direction their talk was going in.
“Let go? I did that years ago. I couldn’t accept it then, I wouldn’t accept it now. I couldn’t, for the life of me, live with the pain of leaving. I can’t let go again, Ginny. Letting go would be like killing myself. Again. I had gone through near-death these years without you. I can’t stand to feel it again. And I won’t.” Draco shook his head.
“Draco—” Ginny, broke off as the tears kept falling and falling. Draco, pained to see her so hurt, wrapped her arms around, willing to take all the pain from her.
“Say yes, dearest. Say that we’ll be together from now on,” Draco said tenderly as he pushed back the hair that was falling down her face as she leaned on his chest.
Through the fabric of her shirt and even while leaning against, she shook her head and said, “But it is impossible Draco. I want to. But…”
”But what?” Draco asked, all tender and soothing voice. “Don’t you think it’s time we both stopped thinking of others and started thinking of ourselves?”
Ginny lifted her head from the comfort of his soft shirt. The look that seemed intent on saying no faltered and an emotion that he couldn’t quite identify. She looked at him for a moment, cocked her head to the side and thought long and deep. Then she sighed in a defeated amused manner.
She shook her head again yet this time, she had a playful smile on her lips and she said, “I don’t think so Draco. I can’t just think of myself. I have to think of others, too.”
“But—” Ginny broke off his speech by putting two fingers over his lips.
“Why think about just me? Little old boring me? When I could think of…”
“Of?” Draco asked, playfully, sure that he got her point.
Author notes: That's it.. Hope you liked it.. I will be leaving it to you now..
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