Thank you for the birthday gift (I'll save opening it until our scheduled lunch tomorrow); I'm writing this as your inadequate owl gasps for life in the corner. I figure I've at least time for a lengthy thank you note and perhaps a read-through of Hogwarts: A History before the decrepit old thing recovers enough to take the letter back to you. Where on earth did you get such a tatty owl? Or is it another of your charity cases? Perhaps I'll return the gift I've ordered for your birthday and buy you a nice eagle owl instead. Two months is plenty of time for me to train it to peck out your husband's eyes on sight, I believe.
As to your letter last week- I can't believe you sent me that trash. Honestly. Do I look like your bosom buddy? Have I, unbeknownst to me, grown breasts? God, woman. As a testament to my insanity, I actually have an answer for you: NO.
Potter is not cheating on you. He simply appears to be as asexual as a flobberworm, if your sordid sex timeline is anything to go by (and I have to say, I've contacted St. Mungo's about scheduling a partial Obliviate to get rid of that horrible memory). As to Potter, I've made a number of inquiries and lost six hours of my life that I'll never get back to following that mind-numbingly boring git around for you. Appreciate it- no, scratch that. Be prepared for payback. I'll come up with a suitable punishment for you; perhaps babysitting Scorpius for a weekend would be vile enough…
But I ramble. Mother is looking forward to your visit tomorrow for your customary Tuesday luncheon. She natters on about you incessantly, but I'm glad she considers you a friend- she has so few. I am, however, convinced you've struck up this friendship as a pretense to see me, because you're madly in love with me and just waiting for Lily to graduate before you cast Potter aside like week-old refuse. No, don't snort. It's an apt comparison.
Ah, your owl shows signs of reviving. Until tomorrow,
It was so lovely to have you over yesterday for our little luncheon. I am struck by how much your beautiful daughter resembles you, though I am somewhat flabbergasted by the behavior between her and Scorpius. I just don't understand children these days, I suppose.
My son tells me it's called "pulling pigtails", which is patently ridiculous. Had Lucius ever pulled my hair in school, I would have slapped him soundly and refused to ever speak to him again. Lucky for me my dear husband had impeccable manners at Scorpius' age. I blame Marin for the boy's inability to restrain himself.
Speaking of, Draco finally had word from her this morning. She's in Singapore looking for bathing costumes. Honestly; I thought the woman was dead or had run away. Three days without a word. She's lucky Draco tolerates her nonsense, though I don't understand why. He'll only tell me that he'll put up with her as long as "the redhead is willing to keep to her sham of a marriage." He says the same thing every time; it's a very strange way of speaking about one's wife and marriage, but my son is as stubborn as a mule. You think I'd be used to it by now.
In any event, I had a lovely time. Please feel free to bring Lily with you next week as well. I am most interested in observing this pulling of pigtails; perhaps there's something I can glean to spice things up with Lucius. You're never too old to learn new things, Ginny. You must remember that. Life is all about change and adaptation.
My fondest thoughts,
OH GOD. Your mother just sent me a letter mentioning her sex life with your father. I need the name of the medi-wizard that you contacted for that partial Obliviate. Now.
I just found a stack of letters from you in my wife's desk. So help me, if I find one shred of evidence that you've been dallying with my wife, I'll flail the skin from your body, douse you in lemon juice and then roll you in salt. She's my wife. You've got your own. Back off!
PS- Now you've gone and done it, you bastard. She's stormed out of here when I confronted her, likely to fling herself into your waiting arms. I'm going to kill you, just you wait.
To Draco Malfoy:
My daughter asked that I send you a letter, but an inter-office memo to you will have to do. I think your father is a malevolent, lying piece of filth, but you seem to have tried to put your life on the straight and narrow, so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here.
Ginny has temporarily left Harry. She and the children are staying at the Burrow with Molly and me while they cool off. They had a blazing row about him searching her belongings, and she said to tell you "the redhead is considering her sham of a marriage." If that means what I think it does, I'll have your job. My daughter will not give up twenty-odd years of a relationship because you came sallying in during a rough patch. Convince her to do the right thing, because she won't listen to me.
Deputy Minister of Magic, Muggle Affairs
Your father has kindly explained the current situation to me. Don't make a lasting decision in the heat of the moment. You owe yourself and your children the courtesy of weighing all the facts before you come to a decision, and those facts should involve only five people: You, Potter and the children. Your parents, me, society- none of us matter. Whether you stay with Potter or not is about how you and your family feel.
The children agreed to take this to you and swore they wouldn't try to open it. I jinxed it, just in case. If their hands are blue, please punish their lying little arses appropriately. If not, I hope they have a lovely time with you at Ron and Hermione's for your birthday party.
I know it's been some weeks now since we spoke, but I wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I still don't know what I'm going to do, but I think it's important that we meet soon to discuss things. If we let this silence carry on much longer, there won't be any relationship left to try to repair. I know you are still furious with me, but the truth remains. I am not sleeping with Malfoy. Draco Malfoy and I are just friends, as I am friends with his mother. It all started because of Lily and Scorpius, and that is the truth. On that note, do not yell at Lily about breaking up with the boy. She fancies herself head over heels in love with him. The harder you push, the tighter she'll cling to him. Give it time; they'll likely outgrow one another, as most school age couples do.
I do still love you in some ways, so there's still a chance we can work things out. Please respond when you have a moment.
Mrs. Molly Weasley,
I hope this finds you well. I know you and I have not spoken in many a year, but I felt, all things considered, that you were the best person to contact. Given Ginny's situation at home, I believed it imprudent of me to have her over to Malfoy Manor for tea, as was our custom. Please tell her that I miss her most fondly, and that my thoughts are with her.
My primary reason for writing was Scorpius. The boy is languishing about, bemoaning the fact that he hasn't seen Lily in "ages". Children are so melodramatic sometimes, but I can't stand to see him so miserable. I would like to invite you and Lily over for a Saturday tea, if you would be so kind as to accept. Lily is a lovely child, and I miss her. Should you like to bring them, the boys are welcome as well. Scorpius tells me that after their one spectacular fistfight, he, James, and Albus get on splendidly.
My best regards,
We're all back at school (well, not James, but you already knew that, because he graduated. Wait, we talked to him too by owl, so this letter is actually from all of us, even though James isn't here at Hogwarts-
Mum, this is Lily. Al was dithering on about things that don't matter. He, James and I have all talked, and we've decided that we want you and Dad to stay apart. Things were awful these last couple of weeks once we went home. Everything was awkward and quiet and it felt like the other boot was waiting to drop. James promised to write to Dad as well. We think you guys should split. I think you should marry Mr. Malfoy. He's hot (well, he looks like Scorpius, so that makes sense-
Mum, it's Al. Lily's getting all cross-eyed over her boyfriend again. We don't care if you marry Mr. Malfoy (He is nice though; we met him when Grandmum took us over to the Malfoys' for tea) or not, but you and Dad need to talk. We love you both so much, but we're not children any longer. We know when two people are forcing themselves together for their kids' sake. We just wanted you to know that we'd much rather you'd be happy.
Love you! And kisses to Dad! (from Lily)
I love you too,
We need to talk. I have something important to tell you. Harry and I have made a decision, and I think it's important that I relay that information to you in person.
Author notes: Oh yes, that last one is totally ambiguous on purpose, but you don't want a clear-cut ending, do you? *grins and ducks the tomatoes being thrown* I didn't think so.
What's that, you ask? Why, that's the review box. Type in it and press the little button. Cursing at me is quite acceptable. I hope everyone had happy holidays and is prepared to have a fabulous new year!