Once upon a time there lived a princess. She lived in an odd-looking castle far away in a land called Ottery St. Catchpole with her father, the king, her mum, the queen, and her six older brothers, the princes.

The princess loved her life. The royal family did not have any jewels or gold, but they ruled over their little kingdom, The Burrow, happily and without problems, and the princess never wanted for anything, as her parents and brothers spoiled her dreadfully.

One day, the princess was out walking behind her palace in a large field of tall grass. She carried a small glass ball that filled with red smoke whenever she forgot something. It was very useful, for the princess was very forgetful. The princess liked to toss the ball up into the air and catch it, over and over again. It helped her to think.

Right now she was thinking of a handsome knight. He had black hair, so much darker than the red that her royal family was known for, and green eyes, just the color of the grass beneath her bare feet. He belonged to no kingdom, and had no family, but he had proven himself a hero many times over. He had even saved the princess once from an evil serpent that would have killed her. The princess fancied herself in love with this knight, and hoped one day to marry him.

The princess shook her head, her long mane of red hair spreading about her like a blanket, gleaming with the rays of the late afternoon sun. She spun happily, dreaming of her knight and the day he would come to her on his noble steed, Firebolt, and whisk her away into the sunset, when suddenly her Remembrall flew from her hand and into the tall grass.

The princess cried out, for she did not see exactly where the ball landed, and immediately dropped to her hands and knees to look for it.

She searched high and low, but to no avail. The ball was lost. The princess fell to the ground weeping. It had been a gift from her oldest brother, who was currently in the faraway kingdom of France, wooing a beautiful princess of whom our heroine was truthfully not very fond.

"Missing something?" said a voice.

The princess looked around her, confused. She saw no one.

"Down here."

She looked down, and at her feet was a small, furry, white creature.

"Did you just… speak?"

"Quite the intelligent one, you are," said the creature. The princess furrowed her eyebrows, confused. She’d been teased by her brothers before, of course, but never by a…

"What exactly are you?" asked the princess. "A weasel of some kind?"

The rodent scoffed.

"You must be kidding me. You think I am a weasel. Oh, the irony."

Once again, the princess was confused. The rodent narrowed its eyes at her.

"I’m a ferret, you silly bint."

"No one talks to me like that! If my brothers heard you saying such a thing to me, they would—"

"Rip me limb from furry limb, yes, I’m entirely aware. Fortunately for me, I don’t quite care. Now listen to me. You want your Remembrall back, yeah?"

The princess nodded.

"I can find it for you."

Her eyes lit up.

"Really?"

"No, not really. I’m just wasting precious time pretending I can for the sake of my own amusement."

"What?"

"Nothing. Yes, I can find your ball."

The princess, in a fit of joy, reached out and scooped up the ferret in her arms. She hugged it tight. The ferret was not amused.

"Put me down. Now."

The princess did so.

"Sorry."

"Yes. Well. Do you want your ball or not?"

"Of course. It was a gift from my brother, you know. He’s a prince."

"Really? How thrilling. Now shut up for a moment and listen to me."

The princess leaned in closer to the ferret.

"I can get your ball back for you. For a fee."

The princess’ face fell.

"My kingdom is not very rich. We can’t afford to pay you much. I don’t know if it would be enough."

The ferret shook its furry head.

"I don’t want money. "

"Oh," replied the princess, relieved. "Then what do you want?"

"Just to live in that dump you call a castle with you. I want to eat at your table, sleep in your bed, the whole shebang. You’ve no idea just how uncomfortable the great outdoors can be. Nowhere soft to sleep, and finding food is much harder than it sounds. As disgusting as your home might be, it must be better than living in a burrow."

The irony was lost on the princess, and she simply replied, "But you’re a ferret. Aren’t you supposed to be outdoors?"

"I haven’t always been a ferret, dimwitted girl. I was changed into one by a mad old warlock, that one with the crazy eyes."

The princess nodded. The fact that the little rodent even spoke at all never bothered the princess, but this explained the ferret’s large vocabulary and its penchant for insults. She’d never before met a creature so rude.

"So will you accept my proposition? I will find your ball if you will promise to take me into your home?"

"I want my ball back," said the princess. She could have sworn she saw the ferret smirk briefly before it disappeared into the tall grass.

Within moments, it returned, pushing her Remembrall in front of it with its nose.

"Your toy," it said disdainfully, pushing it towards her. The princess snatched up her Remembrall and, without another word, sprinted back towards the palace.

"Wait!" she heard the ferret cry from behind her. "I can’t run that fast!"

"I know!" she yelled back, never breaking stride. "I’m not going to let a stupid, rude creature like you live in my palace!"

The princess reached her home and ran inside, closing the door behind her.

That night, as the royal family sat down to dinner, there came a knock at the door. The princess opened it to find no one there.

"Down here," said a familiar voice wryly. She looked slowly down to find the ferret standing at her feet. "Did you really think I’d just go away? It’s time to fulfill your half of the bargain."

The princess shut the door in its face and went back to her meal.

Just a few moments later, it started knocking on the door again.

"It’s no one," the princess told her family. "Just the wind."

But the knocking continued. The princess became so anxious she barely touched her supper. Finally, the king stood up.

"I’m going to see what that infernal noise is," he said, going to the door. The princess bowed her head and stared into her lap. After what seemed like a very long while, her father returned, the ferret trotting at his heels.

"Princess?" said the king. The princess looked up slowly to face her father. "Is what this creature says true?"

She nodded shamefully.

"You made a bargain with the little fellow? You promised to let him live in our palace? Eat from our table? Sleep in your bed?"

She nodded.

"And then you ran away?"

"Yes," she said, her voice small.

"Princess," said her father exasperatedly. "You must learn to uphold your word."

"I know," she said quietly.

"Starting now. You will fulfill your bargain with this creature. Every last bit of it."

"But—"

"No buts, Princess. Now come on. Let the little ferret eat from your plate."

The ferret hopped up onto the princess’ lap and rested its front paws on the table.

"Thank you sir," it said to her father, and began to eat her dinner. The princess watched, disgusted, as the ferret worked its way through her entire plate, no longer hungry at all. When it finished, it climbed up onto her shoulders and whispered in her ear,

"I’m a bit sleepy from that long run to your palace. Why don’t you bring me to my bed now?"

The princess stood up angrily.

"Must I really let it sleep in my bed?"

Her father raised an eyebrow.

"You promised," he reminded her.

She stomped out of the room and upstairs to her small bedroom. As soon as the door closed behind her, the ferret jumped down from its perch on her shoulders and onto the bed.

"Disgusting," it said, curling up on her pillow. "Of course, don’t get me wrong. It’s much better than the rock I usually sleep on, but honestly, pink? You couldn't have chosen a nicer color, say, green? And what’s the thread count on these sheets? Fifty?"

"I—I—I’m not exactly sure," said the princess.

"Exactly." The ferret looked up at her. "So. Where are you going to sleep?"

The princess looked taken aback.

"It’s my bed…"

"Not anymore, Princess. You promised to let me sleep in your bed."

"You take up half a pillow. You’re not getting the entire bed. Move over, rodent."

The ferret moved an inch to the side. The princess, unfazed, hopped into bed anyways, forcing it to move even more to avoid being squashed.

The princess and the ferret spent an uncomfortable night trying not to touch each other, and as a result, they both were tired and irritable the next morning. The ferret’s sharp claws dug into the princess’ shoulder as they went to breakfast, and she moved with unnecessary speed around every corner in an effort to either throw it off or at least make it uncomfortable. She succeeded.

Upon entering the kitchen, the princess gasped when she saw the dark head of hair at the table. It was her knight! Her bad mood evaporated.

"Princess," he said with a smile when he saw her. "It’s been too long."

The princess almost swooned on the spot. Seeing him made her giddy, and hearing his voice made her head spin. Oh, how she loved him!

"Hello, good sir knight," she said happily, beaming at him. "What brings you to The Burrow?"

"The good company that awaits me," said the knight, his green eyes twinkling. Oh, the Princess just knew he meant her! He had come for her! Perhaps he would take her away from the palace, and they could live in one of their own. Perhaps he had come to marry her, so they could have many babies and live happily ever after!

The queen chose that moment to declare breakfast ready, and so the royal family, plus the knight, sat down to eat. The princess hardly noticed that the ferret had disappeared until she returned to her room after her meal.

"Are you quite finished with your embarrassing display of emotions?" it asked as she closed the door behind her. The ferret was spread out across her pillow, tail brushing idly over the rough cotton fabric.

"I’ve no idea what you’re talking about," said the princess. The ferret scoffed.

"Oh please. What brings you to The Burrow, good sir knight?" it mimicked cruelly in a high-pitched impersonation of her voice. "You are pathetic."

"What would you know about it? And why should you care?"

"Because that "good sir knight" of yours is the reason I am in my current ferrety state."

"What? But you said that mad old wizard with the crazy eye did it to you…"

"Oh, he did. But only because your knight came crying to him with a ridiculous tale of how I attacked him unprovoked or some such rubbish."

The princess’ eyes narrowed.

"I don’t believe you."

"Believe what you want, I suppose. But that’s how it happened. And that’s why I’ll now be taking my meals up here until he leaves."

"And you expect me to bring them to you? I think not…"

"Oh, I think so. We had a bargain, remember?"

The princess sighed.

"Yes. I remember. How could I forget, when it’s coming to be so much of a greater bloody ordeal than I had originally planned?"

Shaking her red hair wildly, the princess stormed out of the room, shutting the door behind her and effectively locking the ferret in.

The princess was informed by one of her many brothers that the knight had left the palace and so, hoping to restore her good mood, she went in search of him. She wandered down to the small village of Ottery St. Catchpole that bordered the palace and walked through the streets, waving at those she knew and smiling at those she didn’t. It was one of her favorite pastimes. She loved meandering aimlessly through the town, watching the peasants go about their daily business. She loved playing spectator to the children throwing a Quaffle in the street, the women buying groceries or potions ingredients from the many vendors, the pretty young blonde who was kissing her handsome knight, the—

"Sir Knight?!" she cried in surprise. Her knight turned and, upon spotting her, blushed bright red.

"Princess, I… I… I can explain…" he stammered. The blonde peasant cowered behind him.

"Sir Knight, I… I don’t know what to say to you," said the princess, still in shock.

"It’s just that, well, I’ve been coming to The Burrow specifically so that I can see her. It’s difficult to be away from her for long. I… I… I love her."

"You love her?" cried the princess.

"You love me?" cried the blonde.

The knight turned to the peasant girl.

"Yes. I love you. And I know it’s wrong, I know it’s not what’s expected of me, but I can’t hide it any longer. I can’t live without you. I—"

The princess didn’t hear anymore, as she was already running back to the castle.

She ran all the way back, though it was several miles and she wasn’t exactly the most fit princess in all the land. But the adrenaline kicked in and she ran without thought, her mind spinning too much to think about what she’d seen or heard. She rushed through the front door and up to her room, ignoring the concerned calls from the rest of the royal family. She slammed her bedroom door behind her and threw herself onto her bed, finally letting her tears fall.

"Excuse me," came a voice from underneath her. She stopped mid-sob and sat up, releasing a very cross ferret from its prison under her chest.

"I don’t much like to be sat on," it said haughtily. The princess hiccupped, too upset to respond. The ferret nudged her with its nose.

"Come on now," it said in a slightly gentler tone. "What’s wrong?"

The princess’ sobs started again with renewed vigor and she chucked a stuffed dragon across the room.

"Or you could just start blubbering on me again," muttered the ferret to itself. "S’what I get for trying to be nice."

"I thought he loved me!" she choked out through her tears. "I thought he kept coming back to see me! But it was all for some stupid peasant girl."

"Oh dear," said the ferret.

"He said he loves her! Her! Not me! What’s she got that I haven’t?"

"His heart, I suppose."

The princess screamed and a heavy book soon joined the stuffed dragon.

"I was only telling you the truth. You said it first, not me," said the ferret.

"Why can’t he love me?" she moaned.

"Well," began the ferret cautiously, for it didn’t want to be thrown across the room. "Perhaps you weren’t meant to be together."

The princess stopped crying to stare at the ferret for a moment in disbelief.

"Of course we were meant to be together!" she yelled, standing up and continuing her rampage. "My family practically raised him! We’ve always known we were meant to be together! Everyone knows that! My mother has been planning our wedding for years! How could we not be meant for each other?"

"Maybe your families meant for you to be together, yes. But would you truly be happy with him, Princess?"

"Yes! Of course!"

"Are you sure? Think about it. Could you live with him for the rest of your life? You don’t even know him."

"Yes I do."

"What’s his favorite color?"

"I—I—I don’t know. Why does that matter?"

"What does he like to do in his spare time?"

"Well, I—I suppose he…"

"You don’t know him at all, Princess."

"I know him in other ways!"

"You know him in exactly the same way everyone else knows him. You know he’s handsome and famous and obnoxiously good. You know he’s got dark hair that's ridiculously messy and ridiculously green eyes and a ridiculously perfect face marred only by that ridiculous scar from that ridiculous Dark Knight who was ridiculously obsessed with snakes. You know he’s a hero. But that’s about it."

The princess sat down on her bed, and the ferret cautiously nudged her side. When she didn’t flinch or push it away, it crawled into her lap and looked up at her.

"I really don’t know him at all, do I?" she murmured, her hands moving down to pet the ferret. It sighed contentedly as she stroked the soft fur on its back. "I just always thought we would be together. It never occurred to me that one of us wouldn’t want to."

"It’s hard," responded the ferret. "That sort of thing gets into your head and becomes practically a part of you. Once it’s gone, you don’t know what to do with yourself. You don’t know what to think, because this part of you that was so huge is missing."

"Exactly," she agreed, fingers scratching that spot behind its ears that felt so wonderful. She picked up the ferret and held it in her arms, close to her face.

"Thank you," she said, staring directly into its grey eyes. "Thank you for being kind to me."

She leaned over and gave the ferret a quick peck on its head.

"No, Princess," it said in an odd voice. "Thank you."

She was surprised when the ferret was lifted out of her arms by invisible hands and remained suspended in the air. A purple mist began to surround it, filling the entire room. It tingled where it touched the princess. It began to grow thicker and thicker, eventually becoming so dense that the princess could no longer see the ferret. Suddenly, there was a loud crack, and the mist began to evaporate. When it had gone, the princess was surprised to see that the ferret had gone as well.

On the floor in its place lay a man, apparently unconscious. He had blond hair so light it shone like platinum, and he wore an expensive-looking green tunic and riding breeches. The princess nudged him with her shoe. The man mumbled something incoherent, but remained motionless.

"Hello?" said the princess. "Are you alright?"

"Mmph," responded the man from his position on the floor.

"I’ll take that as a yes," she muttered to herself. "Who are you, please? And how did you get in my room? What did you do with the ferret?"

The man moved finally, sitting up and looking at her intensely with grey eyes.

"I don’t know how I got here. And what’s this about a ferret? What are you talking about? Where am I? What is this dump? Who are you? Did you kidnap me? Well, you won’t get any of my money, foul woman! How dare you try and hold me for ransom! Don’t you know who I am? What I could do to you? Might I inform you that I am a prince! A PRINCE! And I will make you regret this, you little—"

"STOP!" yelled the princess. This man was much more irritating than the rodent she had recently come to be fond of, although there was something vaguely familiar about his voice. "There’s obviously been a misunderstanding here. I’m just as confused as you are. Now tell me, what’s the last thing you remember?"

The man looked confused.

"I—I don’t know. Did you wipe my memory? You wiped my memory, didn’t you? I can’t believe this! You—"

"Oh shut up," said the princess, who by now was royally hacked off. "Just concentrate and tell me if you can remember anything."

The man wrinkled his pointy nose and closed his eyes. He thought for a moment, then said,

"The last thing I remember is finding that good-for-nothing knight with one of his bloody admirers. He was talking about some girl."

He appeared to think some more.

"Yes, I remember. I told him any girl would have to be completely mental to want to kiss his ugly face, and then that mad old wizard just appeared out of nowhere. Pointed his wand at me, and said, "Let’s see if anyone would ever kiss this ugly face, you filthy little rodent!" Then he… he…"

"He what?" prompted the princess.

"He turned me into a ferret…" said the man softly. "He turned me into a ferret, and then he said that until someone did kiss my ugly face, I could stay that way…"

"Oh my," said the princess, beginning to piece together the rest.

"And then I…" The man looked at her, recognition dawning in his eyes. "And then you… We made a bargain… and then I… and then… all the yelling… you threw the… and then you kissed me."

He stood up, and the princess was surprised to find that he was quite a bit taller than her, not to mention quite good-looking.

"It was just a thank you for making me feel better," she mumbled, blushing and looking down to the ground. "Nothing at all, really. It didn’t mean anything."

The man—er, ferret—er, prince, stepped closer to her. His hand gently lifted her chin so that she was once again looking at him. He really was handsome.

"Do you think it could mean something?" he asked, his face inches from hers. The princess’ heart was beating wildly, and her stomach flipped as though filled with tiny Snitches, flapping their golden wings inside her belly.

"I—I—" she stammered dumbly.

The prince laughed.

"I won’t take no for an answer," he whispered, closing the distance between them and kissing her.

When they finally broke apart, the princess smiled at her prince.

"I wasn’t planning on letting you take no for an answer," she said shyly, before pulling him down for another kiss.

Needless to say, the princess and her ferrety prince lived happily ever after.
The End.
shmeilia is the author of 3 other stories.
This story is a favorite of 12 members. Members who liked A Ferrety Tale also liked 1165 other stories.
Leave a Review
You must login (register) to review.