Chapter 14
Regrets


When Ginny woke hours later, she felt better than she had in years. Everything was right; the warmth she felt, the soft sound of her partner's breathing, his smell, even the way his arm had snaked itself around her. 'Of course it's perfect. It's Draco, not Harry.' Then it hit her. 'Harry isn't even cold in his grave and I have slept with someone else! This is wrong! How could I do this?' She then slowly and carefully extracted herself from Draco's sweet embrace and got out of the bed. 'Oh Merlin, I never meant to do this to either of them!' He looked so rested, and looked younger than he had in years. 'I love you, but this is just too soon. Please forgive me.' She then bent down and kissed his brow. She quickly gathered her clothing and Apparated back to her room at the estate.

Once there, she stepped into the adjoining bathroom and started a shower. Before stepping under the water, she breathed in Draco's scent that clung to her body.

Once in the shower Ginny reviewed the night before. She didn't regret sleeping with him, not for a second. But it was too soon, and it wasn't fair to Draco when she was still getting over Harry. She knew she wasn't ready to move on just yet, but after years of thinking about, missing, and longing to be with Draco, she didn't need much to push herself over the edge.

The sex had been fast and full of passion! It was exactly what she expected after years apart. She knew the next time they were together they both would go a lot slower and enjoy each and every second of it.
She was not surprised to find herself crying in the shower. She felt totally selfish. What she did was mean; not just to Harry, but to Draco, too. He would be thinking she was ready for the next step with him, but she wasn't. She hated the fact that she loved both men. They both deserved better than what she was doing. Should she not be grieving for Harry for a long time? Instead she had jumped into bed with Draco at her first chance.

Now she and Draco would have to have a long talk. She could only pray his understanding would continue, but at the same time she realized he was Draco Malfoy,who is known to be selfish. She totally expected him to feel like she was trying to play head games with him. She expected this to end any chance she ever had at happiness with him. She couldn't face him today. She wanted them to last at least one day. And if she didn't face him, they wouldn't have to talk about this yet and she wouldn't have to lose him just yet.

However, Scorpius had spent the night with Albus, so Draco would be coming around to collect him. She guessed with the amount of champagne she had the night before she could claim to be sick in bed with a hangover. James was more than old enough to keep an eye on everyone. She put her plan in motion; a simple plan to just stay in bed! She knew it wasn't mature, but it just seemed easier. No one could fault her for one day.

When Draco woke he was disappointed to find Ginny had left, but he quickly realized she probably didn't want the children to get the wrong idea. As he replayed the night before in his mind, he noted it wasn't his smoothest conquest ever, but he knew that every feeling that was there was genuine. It may have been all too quick, but there would be many more chances to make up for it later.

When Draco arrived at the house, James answered the door. “Happy New Year, James,” he greeted.

“Yeah. You're here for Scorpius. I'll find him.” The teen turned away, leaving Draco standing at the door.

“James, is your mother around?” Draco asked.

He turned back to Draco. “You let her drink too much Muggle alcohol last night. She's in bed not feeling well. Don't you know that stuff is strong? Merlin, even a third year knows that!”

“Well, seeing as how I am the only one other than your mother to have had a hangover, I believe I should check on her.”

James' eyebrows touched his hairline. “She's in her bedroom!” was what he said; however the tone he used said, 'You're not going anywhere near my mother while she is IN her bedroom!'

“James, I'm only going to check on her,” Draco assured him.

The boy's eyes narrowed. “She loves my dad.”

Draco couldn't decide who James reminded him more of, Ron or Harry. “I know, James. Believe me, I know.”

James stalked off.

Draco headed to the master suite. He knocked softly on the door and then waited. After receiving no reply, he softly called, “Ginny? I just wanted to check on you.”

She burrowed down into the blankets.

The door slowly opened and Draco stuck his head in. She looked like she was sleeping. He entered the room, closing the door behind himself. He then came and sat on the bed. “Ginny.” Draco paused. “James said you have a hangover. Do you need anything?”

Ginny pretended to wake up. “Draco?” she murmured.

“How are you feeling?” Draco asked.

“Shitty,” she moaned.

“I figured as much. Can I take the kids out for supper while you sleep?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“How about you? Do you want anything?”

“Sleep!”

He flashed her a smile. “I'll take them to dinner and maybe even a Muggle movie so you can sleep.” He then rose, but before he turned to leave he asked, “This hangover, would it have something to do with regrets about last night?”

She knew she had a dumbfounded look on her face. She also knew, no matter what, she would not lie to him. “Yes,” she admitted.

He took a calculated look at her as she sat up in bed. “What is it you're regretting?”

She sighed deeply and said, “I shouldn't have-”

“Ginny, I didn't force you,” Draco stressed.

“I never said you did!”

“Then what?” he asked. “You're sorry we made love?”

“Yes- no! I'm not sorry; it was everything I expected, but...”

“It was too soon,” he finished. She only nodded. “How long were you not going to talk to me?” he asked as he sat back down on the bed.

“Just today.”

“Why?”

“Because. You have every right to be upset with me, and I wasn't ready for that yet!” she admitted.

“Ginny, I waited twenty years for you! Do you really think I would walk away?”

“I thought you would think I was playing head games.”

He shook his head. “Even last night, part of me knew I should have stopped and made sure you were OK with it, but I was selfish. I just knew I wanted you, and as long as you weren't stopping me I was not about to pass up the chance to make love to you.”

“I'm not being fair to you?”

“No, but Ginny, I'm a Malfoy and I will take what I can get when I can get it. I also love you, and I might not like waiting, but I will wait.”

She eyed him up and down. “How do you know exactly what I'm thinking?”

“Because I know you, Ginny. When you're ready there will be many nights to make up for lost time.” He then bent down and kissed her cheek. “I love you, even when you have put no effort into your appearance,” he teased.

She caught his hand before he pulled away. “Thank you for being so understanding; not only of me, but of James, too.”


One week later, everyone was back in England. Draco was in his office when Lucius entered. He and Narcissa had spent the holidays on a private, tropical island the family owned.

“Father, you're back,” Draco greeted.

“Yes. I see you, like me, felt the need to come to the office and check on things.”

Draco nodded. “Yes, everything seems to be in order.”

“It's all about having the right people working for you.” Lucius walked over to the wet bar that Draco had in the office and poured himself a glass of water. “How did your holiday go?” he asked, eying his son.

“Good. Really good,” he smirked.

Lucius seemed to understand what Draco wasn't saying. “And Ginevra and her children?”

“Albus and Scorpius are- well, I don't think I have ever seen anything like the two of them. Closer than brothers. Lily is Ginny all over again, but James, her oldest, well... For the sake of the children, we kept things totally platonic; however I swear that boy saw right through me! He seemed to have a hate on for me from the second I met him and never missed the chance to point out my faults to Ginny.”

Lucius gave a knowing nod. “Sounds like someone else I know.”

“What do you mean?”

“Draco, I heard from both your mother and from Severus how you treated him while I was in Azkaban. You had always liked him until I was gone. You saw him as replacing me, but not in your mother's heart; only as the Dark Lord's right hand. Now this James, he's how old?”

“Fifteen next week.”

Lucius nodded. “Trust me, Draco, when you want something badly, you're very easy to read. The young man has lost his father and now sees you moving in on his mother. I would guess he doesn't want to think of her with anyone but his father, and there is also the idea that if someone else comes into her life, where does that leave him?”

“I could never ask her to turn her back on her children!” Draco swore.

“I never said you would, but you are dealing with a teenage boy; they don't always think as an adult would.”

“So what do I do?”

“There's not a lot you can do. He needs to see for himself what's going to happen.”


At the same time, Ginny sat at her kitchen table opening a letter from the man who had taken over Harry's position.

Mrs Potter,
I found the enclosed letter between the desk and the wall of the office. It was addressed to you.
Paul Williams

Ginny looked at the enclosed envelope. Her name was written in Harry's messy handwriting. She stared at it for ten whole minutes before her shaky hands slowly opened it. After unfolding it, she found more of her late husband's messy writing:

My dearest Ginny,
I don't know where to start. I hope I get the chance to tell you this in person, but at the same time I don't want to leave it to chance.

Ginny, I love you with all my heart, and you make my life worth living. I remember when I thought I was going to let Voldemort kill me. I walked right past you, and you looked up as if you knew I was there. At that moment my biggest regret was not being able to stop and hold you one more time. I was so lucky; I got so much more in the end. I got you for my wife. I got to hold you every night. You made me the happiest man alive, wizard or Muggle.

But Ginny, I have known for years that for you there was someone else, and I have known who that someone was; Draco Malfoy. I have asked myself time and time again when and why, but that really doesn't matter. Somehow you still loved me, too. And if I thought for a minute you weren't happy with me, I would have let you go. But you were happy. We were happy.

I know that staying with you, knowing how you felt about him, was selfish. I am sorry for that, but Ginny, we have children. Honestly, looking back, I knew that day he came to the house, but I wasn't willing to admit it until later. By then we had James. Please don't hate me for being selfish, but you truly made my every dream come true.

However, last week we found out I'm dying, and I need you to know I love you. I also understand that you need to be happy yourself, even if it is with Malfoy. I know you don't need my blessing, but I still want you to know your happiness means a lot to me. If you and he can be happy together, then please be happy. Just don't expect Ron to be jumping for joy over this.

I love you no matter what!
Harry

Reading Harry's letter felt like it reopened the wound his death had left in her heart. Some might say that his staying with her was selfish, but she understood it and never could hold it against him. This letter proved to her that he did care about her happiness. He made sure she knew he would be okay with her being with Draco. She closed her eyes, hoping to stop the tears that were burning her eyes.

She knew he understood, but it didn't stop her from the guilt she felt over having made love to Draco. She was not in control of her own body enough to wait a reasonable amount of time after Harry's passing. She fell into bed with her husband's biggest rival at her first chance. She couldn't help it; she felt like a whore. She also wondered when this feeling would go away.

Ginny was embarrassed by her actions and feelings. She knew that since Harry's death, she seemed to be more ruled by her emotions than she had been at any other time in her life. She decided to try to avoid the things that most affected her emotions. Even though Harry had left her and the children in a very good financial state, she decided to find something to take her mind off her personal issues. She really didn't feel like writing for the paper again, since she felt the press had betrayed her trust when she finally came out of hiding after Harry's death.

She finally chose to write a book about her time playing for Holyhead. She could focus on the game and team life, but she would start with her beginnings at learning to fly in secret and very briefly touched on playing in school.

Author notes: Please feed the author with a review!

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