Chapter Six: My Grace is Gone
“So that was all?” Luna asked. “He just told you Aleks was bad for you, kissed you, and walked down the street?”
Ginny took a sip of her tea before she spoke. “Yes, he just took off after. I know I shouldn’t get caught up in him again, but it’s hard not to.”
“That’s true. But maybe this was supposed to happen? It’s terribly romantic to think that he is a knight in shining armor!”
“Please,” Ginny snorted, “Draco is more of a Grindelwald than a Lancelot. He believes that he is where he needs to be. Clearly, he is having major issues stemming from the War.”
“There’s your problem,” Luna told her.
“What? What is?”
“You’re trying to analyze him,” she pointed out. “And he told you that was the last thing he wanted. He needed someone to understand that he needed to make up for everything…did he ever really tell you what happened to him?”
Ginny’s thoughts drifted to the many conversations her and Draco had shared. She had held nothing back and told him about everything that had upset her. The Chamber, Riddle, and the basilisk. Hell, she even told him how she’d secretly apologized to Filch for the whole Mrs. Norris being petrified incident.
Then she’d explained how frightened she was during the War. She had fought as best as she could, but she still felt like she hadn’t done enough. Draco had stared at her in shock; he told her how everyone knew she was a great asset to the Order. Without her, people would have died. Her work healing people had led to her later going to Healer school and eventually to become a Head Healer. Even if she hadn’t been healing people, she had inspired others with her silent strength.
Draco had admitted that he’d watched her in battle. He was unable to tear his eyes away from her. When she had gently asked him what he’d been frightened of during that time, his entire body language changed. His face screwed up slightly, as if in pain, and his body steeled for some invisible blow. He had tensely asked her if they could discuss it another time. She had agreed then because she didn’t want to upset him. But they had never broached the subject again.
“No,” Ginny said, snapping back to the present. “I really haven’t a clue.”
“I could ask Theo if you’d like. Or try to.”
“Theo? Luna Lovegood, what exactly have you been keeping from me?” Ginny exclaimed.
“Not much, I swear! He asked me to dinner, we’ve been seeing each other, and we’re not serious. Yet.”
“Wow, that’s fabulous! The three of us will have to get together soon.”
“Oh, yes,” Luna said in her usual dreamy fashion. “Even though we’ve just begun seeing one another, I have a feeling Theo will be around for quite some time.”
From there, the conversation turned to mindless chatter and gossip. It helped to distract Ginny from everything else. They parted ways at the front of the tea shop, and Ginny leisurely made her way back to her flat. She noticed a familiar figure outside her building, but she had no idea why he was there.
***
He was utterly incapable of thinking about anything other than Gin. She consumed his every thought. From the when he woke up to the time he attempted to fall asleep; it really never stopped. He even dreamed of her. He couldn’t escape it.
Kissing her again was not what Draco had meant to do when they’d met—he just wanted her away from Aleks. But it had happened, and it had caused feelings he’d repressed to come springing up again. She was a slow delicious potion that seemingly stopped his pain, but he knew too much would lead to his downfall. His own supply of foxglove. Beautiful, graceful, and deadly.
Nonetheless, he needed her as much as he needed to breathe. He couldn’t abandon his newly found faith though. It was still new, and it wasn’t right to not explore it more. Two days after his kiss with Ginevra, he went to see his priest.
He had spilled the details of everything: Ginny, Aleks, the guilt he felt from his previous actions, his father’s expectations, and how he was so confused about what he should be doing.
“You are very different from a normal man considering this lifestyle, aren’t you? I could tell from the moment you came into the church. You’ve never been close to God; I feel as if you come from another world almost.”
“You could say that,” Draco had told him, shocked by this man’s assumption (which was correct).
“At first, I had thought you were a young chap who visited the church for holidays. You told everyone Happy Christmas and gave them gifts, but you never understood the meaning. I know now that you do, Draco. You understand that it is best to live a life mimicking that of the Lord.”
“I understand, yes. But I think it’s too late to start doing that in a way that is perceived as normal. I have to dedicate myself to it whole-heartedly.”
“Just because something is normal doesn’t mean it is ineffective. You have obviously met the Devil himself. And you briefly were submissive to him, correct?”
If Draco wasn’t so sure this man was a Muggle, he would have pinpointed him as a Legilimens. “I did. And I believed in him so much that I’m ashamed to admit it. Then, I turned to a man who seemed to manipulate everyone too but did so for a greater good. He played God too. But that was also wrong.”
“To worship a false God is wrong. Seeing the error of one’s ways, though, brings us back to salvation. You have lived in a microcosm of Christianity. One side is good, and one is evil. Both have servants of their respective leaders; they act as your angels and demons. You had to choose which role you would play: Lucifer or Michael? For others, they knew their place, but you didn’t know where to go. You picked the right side, but only just. Draco, you were very close to falling prey to your Satan’s manipulative and seductive ways. You had enough faith to choose goodness. You didn’t know it was faith that led you to that decision, but it was. Now, you have to decide what to do with that faith. Not everyone has to become a priest. You believe you need to in order to atone for your sins. But you lack the grievous sins you believe hang over your head.”
“Do you really think so?” Draco asked the man with nervousness in his voice. Ginny had told him time and time again that nothing was his fault, but it felt good to hear it from someone who didn’t know everything.
“I do. You completed your penance the moment you chose your side. Any person will tell you that. The question is whether or not you have enough faith in them. Will you take their words for what they are: the truth?”
***
“Ghazi, what are you doing here? How do you even know where I live?” Ginny asked. She didn’t want to admit to herself how frightened she was by this. A patient, especially one as unstable as him, showing up at a Head Healer’s door was never a good thing.
“I pulled a few favors,” Ghazi said frantically. “But I’ve just had a breakthrough, and I couldn’t wait until our next session.”
“Alright,” Ginny began calmly. “What is this amazing realization that couldn’t wait? And that was urgent enough for you to show up at my home.”
“I’m not in love with Fluffers! We’ve stopped seeing one another.”
“That’s wonderful, Ghazi! How does your wife feel about it? She must be excited.”
“Oh, not at all. I’ve realized I was just using Fluffers as a replacement for my feelings for you.
Ginny had heard of this happening to other Head Healers and even Muggle psychiatrists. She had just hoped it would never occur with one of her own patients.
“I’m flattered, Ghazi, but this is just erotic transference. It happens with many people. But you aren’t in love with me.”
“Oh, yes. It is erotic. We obviously have a connection; that’s why we see each other so often.”
“We see each other in a safe, professional environment because I am trying to help you with your problems. Please don’t mistake it for anything else.” She began to back away from him.
“No, we are in love,” he told her aggressively. Simultaneously, he reached for her arm. “Don’t deny it. It won’t work with me.”
“Don’t touch me. If this continues, I will have to cancel our sessions permanently.”
“Please do! Then we can finally be intimate. I know you hate to do that with clients.”
“But you’ve already been a patient. The line has been drawn. I’m terribly sorry.” With that, she Apparated directly into her flat. It had enough wards around it. Especially after the Aleks incident.
How was it possible that two men were basically stalking her? Then she knew what the next step was. Well, first she’d contact the Aurors and tell them about her issues with crazy men. The next was to Floo Draco. She could only hope that he would answer her.
“So that was all?” Luna asked. “He just told you Aleks was bad for you, kissed you, and walked down the street?”
Ginny took a sip of her tea before she spoke. “Yes, he just took off after. I know I shouldn’t get caught up in him again, but it’s hard not to.”
“That’s true. But maybe this was supposed to happen? It’s terribly romantic to think that he is a knight in shining armor!”
“Please,” Ginny snorted, “Draco is more of a Grindelwald than a Lancelot. He believes that he is where he needs to be. Clearly, he is having major issues stemming from the War.”
“There’s your problem,” Luna told her.
“What? What is?”
“You’re trying to analyze him,” she pointed out. “And he told you that was the last thing he wanted. He needed someone to understand that he needed to make up for everything…did he ever really tell you what happened to him?”
Ginny’s thoughts drifted to the many conversations her and Draco had shared. She had held nothing back and told him about everything that had upset her. The Chamber, Riddle, and the basilisk. Hell, she even told him how she’d secretly apologized to Filch for the whole Mrs. Norris being petrified incident.
Then she’d explained how frightened she was during the War. She had fought as best as she could, but she still felt like she hadn’t done enough. Draco had stared at her in shock; he told her how everyone knew she was a great asset to the Order. Without her, people would have died. Her work healing people had led to her later going to Healer school and eventually to become a Head Healer. Even if she hadn’t been healing people, she had inspired others with her silent strength.
Draco had admitted that he’d watched her in battle. He was unable to tear his eyes away from her. When she had gently asked him what he’d been frightened of during that time, his entire body language changed. His face screwed up slightly, as if in pain, and his body steeled for some invisible blow. He had tensely asked her if they could discuss it another time. She had agreed then because she didn’t want to upset him. But they had never broached the subject again.
“No,” Ginny said, snapping back to the present. “I really haven’t a clue.”
“I could ask Theo if you’d like. Or try to.”
“Theo? Luna Lovegood, what exactly have you been keeping from me?” Ginny exclaimed.
“Not much, I swear! He asked me to dinner, we’ve been seeing each other, and we’re not serious. Yet.”
“Wow, that’s fabulous! The three of us will have to get together soon.”
“Oh, yes,” Luna said in her usual dreamy fashion. “Even though we’ve just begun seeing one another, I have a feeling Theo will be around for quite some time.”
From there, the conversation turned to mindless chatter and gossip. It helped to distract Ginny from everything else. They parted ways at the front of the tea shop, and Ginny leisurely made her way back to her flat. She noticed a familiar figure outside her building, but she had no idea why he was there.
***
He was utterly incapable of thinking about anything other than Gin. She consumed his every thought. From the when he woke up to the time he attempted to fall asleep; it really never stopped. He even dreamed of her. He couldn’t escape it.
Kissing her again was not what Draco had meant to do when they’d met—he just wanted her away from Aleks. But it had happened, and it had caused feelings he’d repressed to come springing up again. She was a slow delicious potion that seemingly stopped his pain, but he knew too much would lead to his downfall. His own supply of foxglove. Beautiful, graceful, and deadly.
Nonetheless, he needed her as much as he needed to breathe. He couldn’t abandon his newly found faith though. It was still new, and it wasn’t right to not explore it more. Two days after his kiss with Ginevra, he went to see his priest.
He had spilled the details of everything: Ginny, Aleks, the guilt he felt from his previous actions, his father’s expectations, and how he was so confused about what he should be doing.
“You are very different from a normal man considering this lifestyle, aren’t you? I could tell from the moment you came into the church. You’ve never been close to God; I feel as if you come from another world almost.”
“You could say that,” Draco had told him, shocked by this man’s assumption (which was correct).
“At first, I had thought you were a young chap who visited the church for holidays. You told everyone Happy Christmas and gave them gifts, but you never understood the meaning. I know now that you do, Draco. You understand that it is best to live a life mimicking that of the Lord.”
“I understand, yes. But I think it’s too late to start doing that in a way that is perceived as normal. I have to dedicate myself to it whole-heartedly.”
“Just because something is normal doesn’t mean it is ineffective. You have obviously met the Devil himself. And you briefly were submissive to him, correct?”
If Draco wasn’t so sure this man was a Muggle, he would have pinpointed him as a Legilimens. “I did. And I believed in him so much that I’m ashamed to admit it. Then, I turned to a man who seemed to manipulate everyone too but did so for a greater good. He played God too. But that was also wrong.”
“To worship a false God is wrong. Seeing the error of one’s ways, though, brings us back to salvation. You have lived in a microcosm of Christianity. One side is good, and one is evil. Both have servants of their respective leaders; they act as your angels and demons. You had to choose which role you would play: Lucifer or Michael? For others, they knew their place, but you didn’t know where to go. You picked the right side, but only just. Draco, you were very close to falling prey to your Satan’s manipulative and seductive ways. You had enough faith to choose goodness. You didn’t know it was faith that led you to that decision, but it was. Now, you have to decide what to do with that faith. Not everyone has to become a priest. You believe you need to in order to atone for your sins. But you lack the grievous sins you believe hang over your head.”
“Do you really think so?” Draco asked the man with nervousness in his voice. Ginny had told him time and time again that nothing was his fault, but it felt good to hear it from someone who didn’t know everything.
“I do. You completed your penance the moment you chose your side. Any person will tell you that. The question is whether or not you have enough faith in them. Will you take their words for what they are: the truth?”
***
“Ghazi, what are you doing here? How do you even know where I live?” Ginny asked. She didn’t want to admit to herself how frightened she was by this. A patient, especially one as unstable as him, showing up at a Head Healer’s door was never a good thing.
“I pulled a few favors,” Ghazi said frantically. “But I’ve just had a breakthrough, and I couldn’t wait until our next session.”
“Alright,” Ginny began calmly. “What is this amazing realization that couldn’t wait? And that was urgent enough for you to show up at my home.”
“I’m not in love with Fluffers! We’ve stopped seeing one another.”
“That’s wonderful, Ghazi! How does your wife feel about it? She must be excited.”
“Oh, not at all. I’ve realized I was just using Fluffers as a replacement for my feelings for you.
Ginny had heard of this happening to other Head Healers and even Muggle psychiatrists. She had just hoped it would never occur with one of her own patients.
“I’m flattered, Ghazi, but this is just erotic transference. It happens with many people. But you aren’t in love with me.”
“Oh, yes. It is erotic. We obviously have a connection; that’s why we see each other so often.”
“We see each other in a safe, professional environment because I am trying to help you with your problems. Please don’t mistake it for anything else.” She began to back away from him.
“No, we are in love,” he told her aggressively. Simultaneously, he reached for her arm. “Don’t deny it. It won’t work with me.”
“Don’t touch me. If this continues, I will have to cancel our sessions permanently.”
“Please do! Then we can finally be intimate. I know you hate to do that with clients.”
“But you’ve already been a patient. The line has been drawn. I’m terribly sorry.” With that, she Apparated directly into her flat. It had enough wards around it. Especially after the Aleks incident.
How was it possible that two men were basically stalking her? Then she knew what the next step was. Well, first she’d contact the Aurors and tell them about her issues with crazy men. The next was to Floo Draco. She could only hope that he would answer her.
Author notes: Don't forget to review please! I want to know how everyone is feeling about the story. Is it progressing too quickly or not fast enough? As always, I still need a beta.
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