Here's some C&C that might be helpful for you. First of all, the way the plot seems to be headed is very intriguing, and you've done a great job trying to stay true to the characters. There are a few things you could try to make the story itself flow better, however. Since these are just suggestions, please don't feel obligated to go and change everything unless you agree with them. Anyway, the major thing is to try a little more sentence variation. There's two parts to this: 1). Try and vary the length of your sentences more. Although I realize you are trying to emulate J.K.'s style to a certain degree, many of the sentences are of too similar a length in the same paragraph, and it gives the whole story a sort of choppy, even sing-songy feel. I don't think that's the kind of effect you want, and I'm pretty sure that these subtle changes will remedy that feeling entirely. 2). Try not to start every sentence with the subject (aka someone's name, articles pertaining to a person or thing, personal pronouns, etc.). This effect also results in the story feeling choppy. The most free-flowing sentences you wrote were in the sections where Draco was thinking about Harry, and the unfairness of his father's situation. Don't be afraid to take that kind of looseness in prose into the rest of your story. I think it will make it far more absorbing in the long run. Anyway, sorry for the long review, and again, please feel free to disregard any suggestions I've made if they're not to your liking. Best of luck with your writing!

Author's Response: In case I never said it, kaerra, thank you for the advice. I tried to apply it by going back and rewriting the first couple of chapters, and I think it was very helpful (although you may disagree-!). I do appreciate your input; I know you meant well. :D