The first time she had seen him do it, she had just stared in awe. It was too ridiculous, and far too silly, for any man with even a shred of dignity. But after several minutes of careful observation, she was certain that her husband had gone around the twist at some point in recent history. Perhaps he had got hit in the head, or even hit with an especially powerful Confundus charm. There was a world of possibilities as to why or how, but she decided to dismiss it for now. Without a word, she ran back into the bedroom, got back in bed, and wrapped herself up in the duvet as she laughed uncontrollably.
And then it happened again a week later. She had got out of bed as he was dressing for work and stood in the door. He was at it again, and this time she had to cover her mouth to suppress her giggles. It was the exact same thing, the exact same routine, and he was so wrapped up in it that he hadn’t even noticed her watching. Once again, thoughts raced through her mind, the most pertinent of which being, ‘What in the bloody hell is wrong with my husband?’ She ran off to bed to laugh alone.
After the third time she’d walked in, she was certain that he had gone completely mad. Her husband certainly always had his quirks, and he’d always been quite the unique individual, but who did such things? Obviously, it was part of his morning routine. He would shower, brush his teeth, shave, get dressed, and give himself a pep talk in the mirror. She listened very carefully to his ‘conversation’ as she tried to pinpoint the best time to reveal her presence.
“Alright, Draco, you can do this,” he said, his eyes fixed on his reflection as he ran a comb through his slick blond hair. “You’re going to go into work today, and you’re going to be great.” He cocked his head to the side, analyzing his profile as he continued to comb. “You’re going to go to your meeting, you’re going to impress the Head of Muggle Cooperations, and you’re going to close the deal.”
Ginny bit her lips shut, finding his self-encouragement strategy both cute and entertaining. She continued to listen, wondering what else he needed to talk to himself about.
“And then there’s the anniversary surprise for Gin,” Draco continued. “You’ve got to pick it up by noon, have it ready for two.” He gave himself a stern look. “After last year, it’s got to be perfect, Draco. Six years, mate – she’s worth it. And if you do a good job, she’ll shag you. That’s for sure.”
She couldn’t decide if she should be excited by the idea of a surprise, touched by him saying she’s worth it, or concerned by the thought that he was talking to the mirror about how to get shagged.
“After you get the gift, mate, you have to get her out of the house,” he said after a moment. “You’ve got to set the place up with the candles and the flower petals and the soft music on the wireless – all that rubbish that’s important to her. Remember, Draco, that there is only one objective.”
The redhead in the doorway arched an eyebrow, finding that she was rather curious as to what her husband’s ‘objective’ was. But even more so, she was interested in why he could only talk to himself about it. They had always prided themselves on an open, honest relationship -- from when they had first got together, until they were married, and into the years following. Somehow, she actually started to feel badly. He was talking to himself about shagging her, so obviously he still felt some sort of attraction to her, but by the same token, he did not even notice that she was standing in the doorway listening. She had not even been trying to hide!
Resigned, she turned and was planning to return to bed, but was halted by the next thing out of Draco’s mouth.
“The objective is to tell her about the affair,” he said, his voice wavering slightly. “I know, I know, it’s going to be difficult – but if you just explain to her about how attractive the new secretary is, I’m sure that she’ll come around. It might make her a bit upset, and of course it does make you a right git for telling her you want to end the marriage on your wedding anniversary, but it’s got to be done. That’s why you have to get shagged first. “
Her eyes began to well with tears. Her husband was leaving her!
“I promise you, mate, once you get into her knickers, she’ll be much more easily talked to. The woman is a mad harpy, so you’ve got to be careful.”
Tears ran down her cheek, and she turned to walk back to bed. She took two steps before she stopped, her husband’s words stopped her again.
“I mean, what kind of wife spies on her husband while he’s getting ready for work? That’s right; I see you, Ginny Malfoy.”
Ginny turned to see Draco’s eyes fixed on her. He had a smirk on his face so pompous that she was honestly considering whether or not she should give him a good slap.
“Funny thing about mirrors, love,” he chided playfully. “You can see more than your own reflection.”
Embarrassed that she had been caught, and even more so that she had believed any of the rubbish that spouted from his lips, she tried to turn away, but he wouldn’t let her.
“Gin,” he cooed patronizingly, “you ought to look at me while I scold you.”
“I don’t want to,” she said, pouting. “How long did it take for you to realize I was watching you.”
His smirk grew. “About a half of a second after you got there,” he answered amusedly. “You’re not exactly discreet, love. I heard your footsteps and I heard you cackling. And, for the record, I heard you the first time you saw me talking to my reflection – you know, the day I was practicing my speech.”
She was about to say something indignant, but stopped as she pondered his explanation. Her expression softened gradually until she finally cracked a smile. Rather than allowing herself to laugh at the absurdity of thinking her husband would talk to the bathroom mirror about how the best way to break the news to his wife about having an affair and wanting a divorce, she hauled back and punched him in the arm as hard as she could. “You’re a sodding bastard, you know?” she said, not entirely unkindly.
Draco reached out and grabbed her around the shoulders, pulling her in to him as he planted kiss after kiss on her forehead. “You’ve tamed me so much that I suppose you’ve forgot that I’m really a Slytherin.” He touched a gentle hand to her cheek. “You, love, will never be sneakier than me.”
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