Name: StormyBliss reviewed
Discovery on Jul 03, 2007 08:58 am
I liked the twist but it was more like it kept me guessing which guy it was the whole time rather than a shock at the end. Great story - I love all your stories tho! Can't wait for more :)
Name: moerae reviewed
Discovery on Jul 03, 2007 08:55 am
This was written well, but you mentioned that the story was supposed to end with a twist. I am not sure what you wanted to be the twist. I was pleasantly surprised that Pansy was Ginny's best friend, but it became apparent very early onto me that Harry was her cheating husband. That fact that he was a war hero, and her family was practically his etc. were definitely clues that this was Harry and not Draco. If you got rid of the fact that her family loves him, you could have fooled the readers with who her actual husband was. Another clue that her husband was Harry is when Draco says her husband can do no wrong. Ginny is taken aback by who she sees in Hogwarts. Instead of her not knowing Draco at all, if you establish a familiarity, it will be easier to confuse the readers if it is actually Draco in Hogwarts. If she remarks she is glad to see him, why did they grow apart etc. it makes the reader wonder who this man is, and when she decides to meet him for lunch it would not be anything out of the ordinary. Also, because the war did not pay off for this man, it is another clue that this has to be Draco and not Harry because if the war had not paid off for Harry, it could only be because Voldemort had won etc. etc.
But sadly, even with all these changes, it will probably still be quite apparent that Draco is the man in Hogwarts because this is after all D/G and we cannot have a story where Ginny goes on to date another guy after leaving her husband Draco. We all love having Harry be the evil cheating git. You could probably really surprise the reader if you make Blaise her husband or Oliver etc. That way if you still have all the details that her family loves him etc etc. the readers would be expecting Harry to be her husband, but you can completely throw them off track.
Hope this helps!
Name: CourtneyFaith reviewed
Discovery on Jul 03, 2007 05:37 am
~Not really your best work, I dont think. But much better than most of the stories I have read. I have enough faith in your abality to keep reading.~
Name: Jordanza reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 08:41 pm
this is good. twisted maybe but deffinatly good!
Name: iluvdeatheaters reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 05:12 pm
I love the twist. I really thought her husband was Draco after you mentioned the expensive things and Pansy being the other woman! Nice job.
Name: deppforever07 reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 01:40 pm
Very well written but I don't think the twist you wanted to work did. If you meant for Harry to appear as Ginny's cheating husband as the twist instead of Draco then for me it wasn't really a surprise. That may have just been me, I seem to figure out that stuff easily. For me the twist was Pansy and Harry hooking up because I see Hermione in many fics as Ginny's best friend, not Pansy. Happy for the review I hope?
Name: hummie reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 11:19 am
i am pleasantly intrigued. i await the next chapter with much expectation - weasleys angry at harry, background on harry and draco - whhhheeeeh! great job so far!
Name: razzle_be_dazzled reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 11:09 am
That was really good. Harry is a loser.
Name: MaybeSchizo reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 10:52 am
It's good, I like it =)
Name: Abby reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 10:50 am
NOOOO dont end it here! PLEASE!!! I love it to much! please!!!!!
Name: Ananyamous reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 10:00 am
I really liked the way it zig-zagged between Harry and Draco as her husband. The Pansy part as her best friend made me think it was definitely Draco, but then the bit about how he could do no wrong kinda gave it away. Nice job.
Name: sweet gurl reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 09:19 am
can u do so kind of sequel please?? :)
Name: Cassiopeia reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 08:30 am
I really liked this story .. especially the twist at the end. Great Job!
Name: Silent Reader reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 05:18 am
I like how his defense to the relationship not ending is: "Think of how upset your mum will be."
Arse hole. Good story.
Name: sweetness150 reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 05:09 am
was great as most of you're work is
Name: killjoy reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 04:41 am
Had me there at first.I was so sure that it was Hermione that Harry was with.And yes I do think that sometimes Molly treats Harry better than her own kids.
Name: ismene reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 03:04 am
it works no worries on that part. i like the twist especially.
Name: adorame06 reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 02:58 am
You are off to a good start. I look forward to reading more!
Name: ExquisiteBeauty reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 02:37 am
Think how upset your mum will be? Well, if that is cockyness right there I dont know what is.
I loved it, even if it was a bit sad that Ginny was cheated on. Well, at least she got Draco!!!
Name: V_is_for_Violet reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 02:19 am
It works ..though i was a bit confused at first as to who her husband was..figured it out though ;)
V.
Name: Hito reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 02:10 am
I liked this one. First I thought it was Draco who cheated, but this twist is really nice
Name: Hito reviewed
Discovery on Jul 02, 2007 02:10 am
I liked this one. First I thought it was Draco who cheated, but this twist is really nice
Name: Anonymous reviewed
Discovery on Jul 01, 2007 11:28 pm
this works =) the draco moments seem more realistic and less plot devicy but that's cool because that's where its going isn't it?
Name: Jeditinkerbell007 reviewed
Discovery on Jul 01, 2007 11:17 pm
i think it works...
i want to know why draco lost everything and harry got everything...
i understand why harry thinks that money is a deal for ginny but i like it even more that to ginny though she has never had money she is still happy to live her life without it...good as a oneshot though probly could been drawn out into a few chapters...
all in all a good read....
xox
Name: SMichaelM reviewed
Discovery on Jul 01, 2007 10:56 pm
I like it. You should continue.