A nice start to my 2010 D/G exchange experience! I was pleased to see Wolfstar in the beta credits, because she's a great beta and you are extremely lucky to have her! As Katz said in an earlier review, you've opened the story up with the opportunity to take it in many different directions, which is always a great way to start a fic. I especially enjoyed the last line of chapter one:
She felt a wand jab her in the nape of her neck, and its owner whispered, “Move.”
I thought this gave the entire chapter a bit of an edge. I also agree with what Jack Tamara said about Ginny admiring her enemy's behind! I love that and think it's entirely possible! Although she would never admit it to him, Ginny has always struck me as the kind of girl who appreciates a fine piece of art :)
Now, some constructive criticism, which I think you need to learn how to take and use to your advantage. I think what Katz was trying to say about 'knowing' your characters, is not just to have written them, but to really understand them and relate to them. It's the best tool for writing. Right now I feel like you're missing a bit of depth and presence in the story, so that could be something to consider. There were a couple of things I thought you might be unaware of - 'disappear' is misspelled in the opening description and the spacing throughout the two chapters seems to be quite uneven. I know this may be an FIA problem, as I've had problems with spacing before, so I just wanted to draw your attention to it.
Good luck with the rest of your writing!
Good! It would be cool to see exactly how it is that Ron and Harry came to discover Draco was interested in helping the good side- I imagine it would have to be something big to overcome their suspicions of him.
I love this idea (Email will be coming your way the second the next chapter is posted)
...and the action intensifies. I think I loved both the D/G lip action in the past AND the fact that Hermione was so smart in pointing out the clock. It just seemed like a very Hermione thing to do, and I thought it fit her very well. Good job.
1: Thanks Jack.
2:I'm glad you like action (because obviously there is more to come)
3: As much as I don't like spoilers (ALERT) watch for stuff like that in the final chapter, as there is more of it.
STT- Nice first chapter. You've given us a bit of a background, and established that our dear Ginny is in quite the situation. :-)There are a lot of different directions you could take this, and I am interested to see them. The only advice I have for you is this: KNOW your characters. Before you write them, know how they will react to different stimuli. For instance, is your Ginny fierce and ready for a verbal spar, inquisitive, shy, seduced by the darkness? Is Draco a repugnant, sneaky Slytherin? Does he confide in people, or does he struggle alone? I feel as if the characters shift between a few different personae, and it makes me feel as if you haven't quite made up your mind about how you want to write them. Once you make up your mind about who they are- we can get more involved and attached to them. Really can't wait to see where this goes- I love fics involving Death Eaters.
Uhhhh. Katz, they were already written before this was posted, I've been working on this since the start of August. Character developement is moderate. Just So You Know.
Fantastic start. I can't wait to read more; the jumping timeline seems particularly interesting.
Oh, you're going to love the next chapter then.
Thanks for reading,
Very nice start STT :) I'm looking forward to seeing where this is going (and I do hope that Draco gets to be just a little bit evil here...muahahahaha!)
And there's some evil in this, don't you worry.
Now, I'm going to read your stuff.
Ooh, it sounds like Draco Malfoy might have an obsession with Ginny Weasley. I actually don't know how I reached that theory, but I think it has something to do with the fact that he called her by her first name and it seemed like he WAS going to say something important. Then again, maybe I'm wrong, and this is just some good ole' D/G bantering going on. Favorite line of the chapter was definitely, "“It’s really a shame that Malfoy is such an enormous arse,” she mused, “because his arse is really rather nice.” It would just be like Ginny to admire the enemy's behind. The last line did give me shivers though. I hope it's Draco, just because I seem to have an unhealthy obsession where Draco is really evil, but ultimately is nice to Ginny. Anyways, good job on this chapter, and please update soon!
Don't you worry, you'll be seeing much of his madness in the next parts. Also the ending is quite... Not giving anything away, sorry.
lol I didn't think I was quite that fast. Congrats on getting posted!
Author's Response: I had no idea either, I was amazed. Again, thanks so much for your efforts, I owe you at least one now (if not more)