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timberland homme
The Malfoys in California. Oh, the ideas fanfic gives me.
How about a New Years resolution to finish this story? Great fun love Ginny's logic regarding Malfoy keeping shtum. Perhaps Malfoy could fall for the youngest weasel? Keep up the good work.
I love this story, it's sooo great. but there's one thing that's been bugging me...
her name is Ginevra. not Virginia.
this was realyy good
Sweet! An awesome chapter! I can't wait to see what Blaise's potion actually does!
Hahaha! I love it! "The Boy Who Is the Poster Child for Abortion" Hilarious. You better write more..
Hahaha! I love it! "The Boy Who Is the Poster Child for Abortion" Hilarious. You better write more..
its..um...ok,but its rather short
Hey, that's funny, I'M still waiting on an update for Dragon Rebels, too! What a coinky-dink!!! ^_~
This is brilliant, best first chapter iv eva read on ship, gd gd
i love it, its hi-LARIOUS! it took me far too long to get the california pun, but that only served to make me laugh harder and may i say, lovely job. *-*
Author's Response: Lol, I was sooooo close to cutting that, but as soon as it popped into my head I knew it had to stay. Glad to see it was well received. ~Saint~
There're some very funny lines in here--you've definitely got me smirking a lot, and that's rare nowadays in a world full of lousy fanfiction by "I loff Draco!!!1!" and "Ginny rulz!" type fangirls. The one quip about Draco holding the spoon in a way that would be poncy on anyone else had me cracking up. And Harry as the poster boy for abortion, ha! Very funny. And who couldn't love the way Ginny flipped Harry the bird, and how he reacted to it? Hee. Moving along now... If you're somewhat unhappy with the way your prose is turning out, I have a few suggestions for you. Mostly stuff I picked up in creative writing workshops in college, things I always try to apply to myself under threat of death. I hope it will be helpful for you. For one thing, try and vary your sentences a bit more. This issue, I think, causes the biggest problem for you in this piece. To provide a good example, if you look at the first full paragraph in the story--the one that describes Ginny in the happily sated bliss after a great shag--you would see that almost every sentence starts with the subject. By that, I mean an article like "The" (which precedes the subject) or the actual subject--"Ginny", or any personal pronoun. The effect of doing this, sadly, often leaves an almost sing-songy feel to the prose. Try starting a few sentences with verbs to mix things up a bit, and I think that feeling will completely disappear. It's something that even the best of writers do, and more published authors than I can count. Which is probably why it's one of the first things I point out whenever I'm doing a beta. I'm weird like that, heh. :P Another thing to try is not using the same adjective or catch-phrase more than once in a paragraph unless you absolutely can't avoid it, or are specifically doing it for dramatic effect. Like in the second to last paragraph, you use the exact phrase "gelled back" three times. It might spice things up a bit if you found a slightly different way of saying it. Lastly, the one thing I really took to heart from those classes was that less is often more. No matter how cool something sounds, if you basically said the same thing two sentences ago, it really doesn't need to be repeated. Admittedly, that rule never really sat well with me--for it's always so much fun to come up with different ways of saying the same thing--but damn it, it's right on the mark. That, and the one about being careful not to let too much exposition (aka backstory or character internal monologue) ruin the action in a scene... dear god, it all makes the actual writing harder to do than ever before! But it's worth it in the end. You'll see. ^_^
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the long review. I have the next four chapters already written and I'm too lazy to change them, but starting with chapter six I'll be taking your advice to heart. Thanks again! :) ~Saint~
I like the beginning of this story very much! Keep it coming.
Author's Response: If I weren't so damn lazy it would still coming. Thanks for the review! ~Saint~
I really think this story is good. Lots of funny little jokes... And Ron is very in character. Keep it coming!
Author's Response: Thanks. Ron can be a hard character to write, and I've seen others try valiently and still fail, so thank you! ~Saint~