Author's Notes:
The world and characters of this fic belongs to JK Rowling. The plot, title and some lines are a rip-off of the Howard Hawks' movie "His Girl Friday". Yes, it's Draco as Cary Grant, and why not? Many thanks to mrsFelton88 for her beta.
And thank you for your reviews!
*
So caught up in planning her article, Ginny didn't realise something was different in the press room until she had taken two steps inside. It was so quiet... and everyone was hugging the walls and studying their feet.
Everyone, that is, besides Hermione Granger.
Hermione hadn't changed much in ten weeks, either. As a matter of fact, Ginny was beginning to feel like the ten weeks away had all been a dream. After all, here she was, running around doing Malfoy's job for him, and everyone else just took her for granted and Hermione was using her best teaching voice and pointing her finger at the wall of owls.
"I won't accept another owl in here until you tag and neuter all of these, Keddle! I know I sent you the new Health and Safety in British Owleries scroll, in fact I sent you three copies, and you signed for them, and here I find that despite all our notices, you people keep on co-habiting with between seven and fourteen owls at any one time, and also you prepare and consume foodstuffs on the premises!"
"It's only a take-out chicken vindaloo!" said Parvati.
"According to Section Eighteen... Oh, hello, Ginny."
"Hermione. I was going to come by, but-"
"Oh, never mind me, I'm only your best friend and never mind that I've spent the last ten weeks fielding increasingly desperate owls and house elves from Malfoy and Harry both, and never mind-"
"Is Harry still pining for Ginny?" asked Parvati, quick-quotes in hand. Hermione huffed.
"I decline to comment, Parvati Patil. This should not be taken to mean that I either support or reject your claim. At this point-" At that point, Ginny grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into a corner.
"I spent seven years sharing a bedroom with the woman, and now she talks to me like a bloody manual," muttered Parvati.
"Hermione! What are you doing here?" whispered Ginny.
"To make sure the owls were being cared for in a safe and responsible manner, of course. Also, because Harry asked me to."
"Look, you tell Harry that I am not married to him any more, and-"
"Oh, that's not why he asked me to come."
"-the decision to split up was mutual, and we agreed that it was one of those youthful follies-"
"Ginny! Will you please shut up? I'm not here because Harry is still pining for you. Despite what you and Malfoy believe, the world does not revolve around you."
"I never said-"
"Oh, shush, just be a nice girl and play along, will you? For my sake, if not for Harry's."
"What the-"
But Ginny never got to finish her sentence. Hermione broke free of her and took a few rapid steps towards the middle of the room.
"No, Ginny, you can't stop me from saying this!" she said loudly. "Long have I wanted to protest the callous behaviour of the so-called Gentlemen of the Press! Long have I sat in silence as the headlines glared at me, the dark ink proclaiming guilty men innocent, innocent men guilty! Slanderous facts slathered on paper within reach of young children, and support for unhealthy care of owls and other magical birds!"
"I take good care of the Feathered Ones!" cried Keddle. "I was featured in Owls Tonight, even!"
"I will not be silenced! What you are printing in your papers hurts innocent wizards every day - wizards who have families and small children and one or two pet rats. Wizards who fought against Voldemort and almost lost their lives doing it. Wizards like, to name a name at random, Kevin Whitby!"
"Oh, come off it, Granger," said Simon Capper. "It's over and done with, everyone knows the Wizengamot wants Whitby in Azkaban."
"Yeah, and if you're so worried about Whitby, why don't you ask your best mate Harry Potter to save him, huh?" said Carmichael.
"Harry stays out of these things, he knows the people have to decide for themselves. We fought Voldemort because he wanted to rule us all single-handedly, why would you want Harry to be like him?"
"Because we know Harry'd make a rather better job out of it?" said Ginny. Hermione shot her a quick you're not helping-look, so she shut up.
"So we're to print stories in Whitby's defence because... Hermione Granger said so?" said Daphne.
"No, but because you all know he's innocent! And because you believe in the British Wizarding Democracy!"
"There's no such thing!" cried Simon.
"Well, we don't have Free Press, either. And yet, here you all are." Hermione drew a breath, and now Ginny didn't know if she was play-acting or not. "Look, all systems of government work only because the people in them believe in the system. It's like an elaborate mass psychosis, everyone is thinking it's all set in stone, but if enough people start thinking, hey, maybe this isn't how we want the system, to work, maybe we want it to work differently - well, that's when you suddenly have a broom closet to call your own, right in the heart of the Ministry of Magic!"
"She's lost me," said Parvati.
"I think we have a press-room because Harry Potter liked the idea," said Carmichael.
"I treat the Feathered Ones like my own children, I don't see what Health and Safety has to do with anything," said Keddle.
Hermione put her hand over her eyes and sighed.
"Ginny, lead me out of here. The ignorance is killing me." She grabbed Ginny's arm and hung on to it like it was the last Butterbeer in the pantry. Then she dragged Ginny out the door with considerable strength.
*
"Ouch! Did you have to drag me like that?"
"I thought it looked very dramatic."
"Melodramatic, more like. What the hell was all that about, anyway?"
"That's for me and Harry to know about and for you to guess. I know the Prophet is going to back Whitby, your job is to make sure the other papers do it too."
"Excuse me, my job is writing articles for my boss, who happens to be Draco Malfoy, not Harry Potter! The Prophet is not under your thumb yet, Hermione!"
"Oh, I know, I know. Free Press, and all that."
"Yes!"
"...Not that we have Free Press."
"You tell Harry that Draco will have Whitby cleared of all charges by this time tomorrow, and no thanks to any of your meddling!"
"That's really kind of him. I'm so happy for you both, by the way." Hermione was smiling in the slightly superior way that Ginny had never quite mastered and was secretly in envy of.
"You are? Why?"
"That you're back together, I mean. It's been too long since we had a good fight about Malfoy and his bloody paper."
"We're not back together! I'm marrying Neville!"
"Neville Longbottom?"
"He loves me and we're moving to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogochto raise badgers! I mean, unicorns! Children! I said children!"
"Oh dear me, badgers would probably be better. They're more self-sufficient."
"Hermione..."
Hermione smiled and gave her a quick hug.
"Whatever you say, Gin. We do miss you when you jaunt off - Harry gets a new grey hair every time. I have to rush off. We'll do lunch soon, okay? I'll tell Harry you have a tan!"
She Apparated away, leaving Ginny with her mouth open, too late to reply to anything. Blast the woman, she hadn't told her what Harry was up to, and why Ginny should do what Harry wanted her to do, and whether she really knew what Harry wanted her to do!
However, doing Harry's bidding would annoy Malfoy, she was sure of that. And Ginny lived to annoy Malfoy...
*
Back in the press-room, she shook her head slowly.
"She was really upset. Poor Hermione. She believes Kevin Whitby innocent, and I'm afraid she'll go and do something stupid..."
"Like what," said Simon, "go jump out a window? She's a witch, she can fly."
"And anyway, we're underground, you can't jump from these windows," said Daphne.
"Maybe she's going to massacre the Feathered Ones!" said Keddle, clutching a couple to his chest.
"..."
"Well, I hear that's what Muggles do when things don't go their way. She's Muggle-born, after all."
"Hey, Lav is Muggle-born and she would never hurt an owl!" said Parvati.
"That's what you know," said Keddle, darkly.
Ginny grabbed Parvati's wand-arm before someone got hurt.
"All I'm saying, is that if Hermione Granger says someone is innocent, I'll listen to her. She's the smartest witch in the Ministry, isn't she?"
Everyone nodded, more or less reluctantly.
"But never mind, Malfoy will be happy if it turns out that the Prophet was the only paper to have supported Whitby, after he's released and pronounced innocent..."
"Oh yes? Well you can just tell Malfoy-" but Carmichael was interrupted by Neville's voice from one of the fireplaces.
"Ginny? Ginny, are you there?"
"Neville!" Ginny rushed to the fireplace. "What is it? Where are you?"
"...Uhm."
"Uhm?"
"Well, you see... Ginny, I never meant to, I swear I didn't! I was only trying to help! She said she had no money, that she was from the country and didn't know her way around London... I didn't know she was a-! A-! I didn't know!"
"She was a what? Who is she? And where are you?"
"I'm at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement..."
"The what? How did you-? Wait, did Malfoy make you do something stupid? What did the rat-bastard do, I'll hex him until he has no hair left, the little-"
"No, really, Ginny, Malfoy had nothing to do with this. I had just left his office, the papers are all signed, I have them, at least, I had them, in my - anyway, I was just outside the Ministry, waiting for you..."
"Yes, what? What's wrong, Neville? Why are you at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement? What did you do?"
"I swear, Ginny, I did nothing! Only I'm arrested... for Indecent Exposure!"
The world and characters of this fic belongs to JK Rowling. The plot, title and some lines are a rip-off of the Howard Hawks' movie "His Girl Friday". Yes, it's Draco as Cary Grant, and why not? Many thanks to mrsFelton88 for her beta.
And thank you for your reviews!
*
So caught up in planning her article, Ginny didn't realise something was different in the press room until she had taken two steps inside. It was so quiet... and everyone was hugging the walls and studying their feet.
Everyone, that is, besides Hermione Granger.
Hermione hadn't changed much in ten weeks, either. As a matter of fact, Ginny was beginning to feel like the ten weeks away had all been a dream. After all, here she was, running around doing Malfoy's job for him, and everyone else just took her for granted and Hermione was using her best teaching voice and pointing her finger at the wall of owls.
"I won't accept another owl in here until you tag and neuter all of these, Keddle! I know I sent you the new Health and Safety in British Owleries scroll, in fact I sent you three copies, and you signed for them, and here I find that despite all our notices, you people keep on co-habiting with between seven and fourteen owls at any one time, and also you prepare and consume foodstuffs on the premises!"
"It's only a take-out chicken vindaloo!" said Parvati.
"According to Section Eighteen... Oh, hello, Ginny."
"Hermione. I was going to come by, but-"
"Oh, never mind me, I'm only your best friend and never mind that I've spent the last ten weeks fielding increasingly desperate owls and house elves from Malfoy and Harry both, and never mind-"
"Is Harry still pining for Ginny?" asked Parvati, quick-quotes in hand. Hermione huffed.
"I decline to comment, Parvati Patil. This should not be taken to mean that I either support or reject your claim. At this point-" At that point, Ginny grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into a corner.
"I spent seven years sharing a bedroom with the woman, and now she talks to me like a bloody manual," muttered Parvati.
"Hermione! What are you doing here?" whispered Ginny.
"To make sure the owls were being cared for in a safe and responsible manner, of course. Also, because Harry asked me to."
"Look, you tell Harry that I am not married to him any more, and-"
"Oh, that's not why he asked me to come."
"-the decision to split up was mutual, and we agreed that it was one of those youthful follies-"
"Ginny! Will you please shut up? I'm not here because Harry is still pining for you. Despite what you and Malfoy believe, the world does not revolve around you."
"I never said-"
"Oh, shush, just be a nice girl and play along, will you? For my sake, if not for Harry's."
"What the-"
But Ginny never got to finish her sentence. Hermione broke free of her and took a few rapid steps towards the middle of the room.
"No, Ginny, you can't stop me from saying this!" she said loudly. "Long have I wanted to protest the callous behaviour of the so-called Gentlemen of the Press! Long have I sat in silence as the headlines glared at me, the dark ink proclaiming guilty men innocent, innocent men guilty! Slanderous facts slathered on paper within reach of young children, and support for unhealthy care of owls and other magical birds!"
"I take good care of the Feathered Ones!" cried Keddle. "I was featured in Owls Tonight, even!"
"I will not be silenced! What you are printing in your papers hurts innocent wizards every day - wizards who have families and small children and one or two pet rats. Wizards who fought against Voldemort and almost lost their lives doing it. Wizards like, to name a name at random, Kevin Whitby!"
"Oh, come off it, Granger," said Simon Capper. "It's over and done with, everyone knows the Wizengamot wants Whitby in Azkaban."
"Yeah, and if you're so worried about Whitby, why don't you ask your best mate Harry Potter to save him, huh?" said Carmichael.
"Harry stays out of these things, he knows the people have to decide for themselves. We fought Voldemort because he wanted to rule us all single-handedly, why would you want Harry to be like him?"
"Because we know Harry'd make a rather better job out of it?" said Ginny. Hermione shot her a quick you're not helping-look, so she shut up.
"So we're to print stories in Whitby's defence because... Hermione Granger said so?" said Daphne.
"No, but because you all know he's innocent! And because you believe in the British Wizarding Democracy!"
"There's no such thing!" cried Simon.
"Well, we don't have Free Press, either. And yet, here you all are." Hermione drew a breath, and now Ginny didn't know if she was play-acting or not. "Look, all systems of government work only because the people in them believe in the system. It's like an elaborate mass psychosis, everyone is thinking it's all set in stone, but if enough people start thinking, hey, maybe this isn't how we want the system, to work, maybe we want it to work differently - well, that's when you suddenly have a broom closet to call your own, right in the heart of the Ministry of Magic!"
"She's lost me," said Parvati.
"I think we have a press-room because Harry Potter liked the idea," said Carmichael.
"I treat the Feathered Ones like my own children, I don't see what Health and Safety has to do with anything," said Keddle.
Hermione put her hand over her eyes and sighed.
"Ginny, lead me out of here. The ignorance is killing me." She grabbed Ginny's arm and hung on to it like it was the last Butterbeer in the pantry. Then she dragged Ginny out the door with considerable strength.
*
"Ouch! Did you have to drag me like that?"
"I thought it looked very dramatic."
"Melodramatic, more like. What the hell was all that about, anyway?"
"That's for me and Harry to know about and for you to guess. I know the Prophet is going to back Whitby, your job is to make sure the other papers do it too."
"Excuse me, my job is writing articles for my boss, who happens to be Draco Malfoy, not Harry Potter! The Prophet is not under your thumb yet, Hermione!"
"Oh, I know, I know. Free Press, and all that."
"Yes!"
"...Not that we have Free Press."
"You tell Harry that Draco will have Whitby cleared of all charges by this time tomorrow, and no thanks to any of your meddling!"
"That's really kind of him. I'm so happy for you both, by the way." Hermione was smiling in the slightly superior way that Ginny had never quite mastered and was secretly in envy of.
"You are? Why?"
"That you're back together, I mean. It's been too long since we had a good fight about Malfoy and his bloody paper."
"We're not back together! I'm marrying Neville!"
"Neville Longbottom?"
"He loves me and we're moving to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogochto raise badgers! I mean, unicorns! Children! I said children!"
"Oh dear me, badgers would probably be better. They're more self-sufficient."
"Hermione..."
Hermione smiled and gave her a quick hug.
"Whatever you say, Gin. We do miss you when you jaunt off - Harry gets a new grey hair every time. I have to rush off. We'll do lunch soon, okay? I'll tell Harry you have a tan!"
She Apparated away, leaving Ginny with her mouth open, too late to reply to anything. Blast the woman, she hadn't told her what Harry was up to, and why Ginny should do what Harry wanted her to do, and whether she really knew what Harry wanted her to do!
However, doing Harry's bidding would annoy Malfoy, she was sure of that. And Ginny lived to annoy Malfoy...
*
Back in the press-room, she shook her head slowly.
"She was really upset. Poor Hermione. She believes Kevin Whitby innocent, and I'm afraid she'll go and do something stupid..."
"Like what," said Simon, "go jump out a window? She's a witch, she can fly."
"And anyway, we're underground, you can't jump from these windows," said Daphne.
"Maybe she's going to massacre the Feathered Ones!" said Keddle, clutching a couple to his chest.
"..."
"Well, I hear that's what Muggles do when things don't go their way. She's Muggle-born, after all."
"Hey, Lav is Muggle-born and she would never hurt an owl!" said Parvati.
"That's what you know," said Keddle, darkly.
Ginny grabbed Parvati's wand-arm before someone got hurt.
"All I'm saying, is that if Hermione Granger says someone is innocent, I'll listen to her. She's the smartest witch in the Ministry, isn't she?"
Everyone nodded, more or less reluctantly.
"But never mind, Malfoy will be happy if it turns out that the Prophet was the only paper to have supported Whitby, after he's released and pronounced innocent..."
"Oh yes? Well you can just tell Malfoy-" but Carmichael was interrupted by Neville's voice from one of the fireplaces.
"Ginny? Ginny, are you there?"
"Neville!" Ginny rushed to the fireplace. "What is it? Where are you?"
"...Uhm."
"Uhm?"
"Well, you see... Ginny, I never meant to, I swear I didn't! I was only trying to help! She said she had no money, that she was from the country and didn't know her way around London... I didn't know she was a-! A-! I didn't know!"
"She was a what? Who is she? And where are you?"
"I'm at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement..."
"The what? How did you-? Wait, did Malfoy make you do something stupid? What did the rat-bastard do, I'll hex him until he has no hair left, the little-"
"No, really, Ginny, Malfoy had nothing to do with this. I had just left his office, the papers are all signed, I have them, at least, I had them, in my - anyway, I was just outside the Ministry, waiting for you..."
"Yes, what? What's wrong, Neville? Why are you at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement? What did you do?"
"I swear, Ginny, I did nothing! Only I'm arrested... for Indecent Exposure!"
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