The room was filled with armed Order members. While Ginny understood the need for caution logically, her heart shattered at the sight. The feel of River squeezing her hand in support brought her back to herself, and she lifted her chin. She could steel herself to her duty. It wasn't that hard. She had been determined to do so for some time.
Questions were fired back and forth, but Ginny tuned them out. Most of them were for Tonks anyway, and she was too busy reorienting herself.
"Ginny!" Hermione cried behind her.
Ginny slowly turned, dropping her arm from Tonks'. She kept River's hand clutched tight in hers.
"It's been three months!" Hermione continued, pushing her way to the front. Ginny had never been so glad to see her, but somehow couldn't bring herself to leave center stage just yet. "We've thought the spell didn't work and that we've lost you."
Ginny thought of the sage's words, that Hermione had pulled aside a library and set in motion a collective of sorts that would keep word of her throughout the ages. Would she have done such a thing within three months?
What a silly thought. Of course she would.
"I can let the others know you're safe. We've been keeping word out to look for you," Hermione continued. Ginny could see that she was nervous; Hermione was at her most silent or her most chatty if she was nervous.
"I'm fine," Ginny said. She looked at River briefly, and the other girl let go of her. She stepped forward and hugged Hermione. "Have you set aside people looking for me?"
"Of course! Their main purpose was actually the library," Hermione said briskly. "We managed to salvage Hogwarts' library after the attack. I couldn't just leave it there after all that. Who knows what's buried in the Restricted Section that they'd want?"
"You should keep it separate and safe somewhere," Ginny said with a nod. "Don't even tell them I'm back, or else they'll lose their vigilance."
"Oh, heavens, you're right," Hermione said, blinking with surprise. "I won't tell Hannah that you're back, then. She and Justin took the library and hid it somewhere." Hermione looked over Ginny's shoulder, where she could see the others. River was watching them closely. "Who are all of them? What are they doing here?"
Ginny sighed. "It's a bit of a story. Once the others are done with questions, I'll tell you."
Hermione searched Ginny's face. "Are you all right?"
Ginny blinked in surprise. "Of course I am."
She nodded and pulled away. "All right. I'll wait. I'll let Ron and your Mum know. They're away at the moment. We didn't expect to hear from you."
"We'll go over everything," Ginny said, and watched as Hermione left the room. She returned to the circle, where she could see Mal getting more and more impatient.
"Not everyone enjoys stories," River murmured.
Ginny thought of the diary from her first year, and all the damage it had done. She thought of the newspapers and gossip columns through the years. She thought of Harry's potions book from last year, with its notes in the margins.
"No. Especially not the good ones."
River nodded, and Ginny found comfort in the fact that someone could understand her.
There was some measure of quiet once everything was settled. Ginny had been afraid to ask what had happened to Draco in the three months since she had been gone. No one had known that he had meant anything to her, and she didn't want them to. He was her secret, jealously guarded and kept close to her heart. It didn't matter if he would shatter it with a glance, or grind her beneath the hell of one expensive boot. She had already tried for the fairy tale and had watched it fall away from her half formed. Harry had been her girlhood dream, but a disaster of a romance. She had tried to say that it was the war, but couldn't fool herself for long. Her ideal of Harry didn't exist. He was a seething ball of emotion that didn't have room for someone else's messy psyche interfering with his. He didn't have room for the reality of her, just the illusion of her. Ginny now knew that she couldn't live with a sham of a relationship.
River sat beside her in the room that she had been assigned. Ginny had ostensibly been the tour guide in the room assignments, having known this older headquarters building before she had left. Their new headquarters was a network of rooms and hallways branching off from a center one by means of portkey doors and complex webs of spells that Ginny had never understood. It made their headquarters more spread out and harder to find, since it was impossible to find any one central knot of Order members.
"You don't have to feel responsible for us," River murmured, looking at her fingertips. She was shivering with cold, and the skin beneath her nails was slightly purple with it. "I'm sure we'll be able to find our own way. And once we've done whatever it is we're meant to do, the spell will allow us to return properly."
"You're taking this awful calmly."
"How else could I be?" River blew on her fingertips. "I knew this might happen. But you had to come back and do what needed to be done. Your destiny cannot be left unfulfilled."
Ginny caught hold of River's hands and rubbed them in hers. "We'll have to get you a coat. It's winter in this part of the world."
"This is the winter of our discontent."
"That sounds familiar."
"From history. It's all history. Like the surface of the moon where they walked not long before in your time, or the land between here and the mountains. There is history in the air, and we shape it as it moves."
"Why do you talk that way?" Ginny asked, knowing she had asked it a dozen times on Serenity.
"I think in metaphor. I can't help but speak in the same semblance of language."
"The others aren't comfortable with you," Ginny said, looking down at River's hands. "I think that's part of it."
"The other is what these hands are capable of. They were trained to do many frightening things, Ginny. Don't forget that."
Ginny looked River in the eye. "Maybe that's why you're here."
River blinked in surprise. "Me?"
"Yes, you. You speak in riddles and you know things. You can do things. Jayne said that a mercenary wouldn't be frightened of the things you can do with weapons. Maybe that's why the spell brought you here, so you can help us."
"You spoke of me to Jayne? Why?"
Ginny blinked. "Um... Well, Kaylee and I were talking about boys. I said you didn't have one."
"No. Boys aren't good for me," River said with a definite shake of her head. "Boys would be scared of me. Men might not fear me, but boys would. Boys would run and hide." She stood up and smiled definitively at Ginny. "We should find your silver-eyed boy. You should see him again and speak with him. You've been lonesome for his company for some time. He's here somewhere, isn't he?"
"I don't know," Ginny murmured. "But we can find out while we find you better clothes for the weather around here."
"Yes. Shivering would waste too much energy and my flesh would shrink."
"Um. Yeah. That, too. Come on."
Ginny led River through the portkey corridors, knowing where Central Processing would be. She was bound to find some warm clothing for River, as well as nice enough jacket that would keep her warm. The room had blankets for the evening, but if River was going to do any kind of exploring with her, she needed a jacket.
They had fun going through Central Processing's stores, finding things that fit River better than any of the hand me downs she currently owned. "Here, this should look great on you," Ginny said, handing over a red sweater with yellow flowers embroidered on the hem of the sleeves. As River took it from her, Ginny thought she could see a flash of silver blonde hair out of the corner of her eyes. She whipped around, then froze in place.
"Talk to him," River whispered gently, giving Ginny's back a push.
Ginny found herself stumbling forward, looking for that flash of silver blonde. He was here, he was all right. He hadn't gotten himself killed and he was still affiliated with the Order. Maybe things would work themselves out and the twisting, tangling feeling in her gut could finally be silenced.
"Draco," Ginny said once she found him. She was just a touch breathless, as if saying his name had been a forbidden talisman.
His eyes were flat gray instead of stunning quicksilver. "I thought I heard that you'd returned," he said, his voice completely emotionless.
Ginny's heart fluttered wildly in her chest, a caged thing yearning to break free. He feels that to protect you is to push you away, River had said a lifetime ago. "I'm glad to see you here," she said, her own voice cool. It betrayed none of her panic, though she knew her freckles had to be standing out against her too pale skin.
His eyes flicked across her face for the briefest of moments. "You should get back to your family. They were worried."
"They know I'm here. Hermione saw me when I returned. We had to be debriefed, and I had to help River get settled in better."
"River?" Draco asked, brow crinkling. "A new operative?"
"Something like that. Part of the help I've brought back. We're friends."
Draco's face shut back down. "You have a lot of those."
"She's here, if you want to meet her. She's really only just arrived, so she only knows me."
"How generous," Draco said, tone unreadable. "I'm on my way out."
"Stay a moment, please," Ginny asked, hoping the desperation didn't show itself in her voice. "I would like it if you met her. It can be terribly lonely here."
His eyes flashed the warning his lips would never make. "No, I can't."
"Just a moment," Ginny asked, reaching for his hand. It fell through her fingers, and she felt as if she had touched ice. "Please, Draco."
His eyes moved just past Ginny for a moment. "It seems she's found us."
River dropped her chin onto Ginny's shoulder. "Draconis domesticus dificile. Moth wings drawn close to flame, burning up from the outside in."
"River, this is Draco."
He eyed River warily as she moved gracefully around Ginny, who had remained standing still almost awkwardly. He nodded at her, and watched as she extended a hand in greeting. He didn't move, intending to let her falter and withdraw the offer.
Instead, she lifted an eyebrow at him. "Is it not proper to extend a similar round of greeting and felicitations for opportune meetings? Even if it is not heartfelt, it is expected."
Draco responded to the gentle chastise, which sounded as arch as his mother's tones would have been. She was a cultured one, even if she didn't appear that way now. "Forgive me, this is hardly a most proper introduction."
Ginny bristled and River stepped forward with a deep curtsey. "Ma Foi is forgiven. C'est bon, all is well is once more." She smiled sunnily at the two teens in front of her, as if she was unaware of the tension between them. "Perhaps we may dine together this evening, and speak of times other than these? It would prove most distracting and beneficial for a introductory meeting. And perhaps there shall be other tales to tell?"
"I've other plans this evening," Draco replied, backing up slightly. He didn't like how River intruded a hair too close for his liking. Ginny instinctively hovered just outside his invisible shell, unsure whether or not he would rebuff her for trying to come closer.
"You don't have any," River said flatly, shaking her head. "And truly, I would like to hear more of this time and place. There is bound to be many places where my knowledge is deficient and would improve from the telling."
"That's hardly my place, is it?" Draco began, backing up a full step. "I've got to go."
"Coward," River hissed so softly. Draco almost thought he imagined it, and stared at her turning back, dumbfounded. She looked at Ginny's stricken face. "Perhaps I was in error when I told you what I did. We should shift our attentions elsewhere. Maybe I've been wanting something special for a change, but this isn't it."
Draco bristled at the veiled insult. "You..."
River grasped Ginny by the hand and pulled her back into the racks. Draco watched them disappear from view, too stunned to make a move.
I've lost everything, he thought, feeling his stomach drop out from under him. He didn't know why and didn't care.
Mouth dry, he went off in search of Hermione. She was a Mudblood, and it galled him to no end that he would have to go through her. But she would know where Ginny was staying and planning to be.
And she would likely know who this River person was.
Ginny waited until they had left Central Processing and were safely ensconced in River's room before opening her mouth to vent. Her mother would have been proud; Molly was constantly telling her that she had to hold her tongue more.
"You were getting desperate," River said, cutting off her rant. It was eerie and uncanny, but it completely defused Ginny's argument. "It would have completely shut him down and driven him further away."
Ginny pushed River's new clothes aside and sighed. "I just can't get this right. Merlin, this must be perfectly laughable."
"You're seventeen and in love," River said, voice sad. "He's eighteen and sure he's all wrong for you. Why should you have expected it to go easily? All worthy things require effort. He won't value you if you offer yourself so cheaply."
Ginny groaned and covered her face in her hands. "You sound like my mother telling me not to date boys."
"You need something to compare this to, so I would not offer such impractical advice," River said, voice crisp. She paused thoughtfully. "Though this is quite contrary to the marital expectations I would have had to fulfill. I'm not sure what this says about me, that I'm so willing to push them aside as well."
"What would you have to have done? Sit and wait?"
"I would have married someone socially and financially appropriate that my family had beneficial ties to. The alliance is fiscal and kindred related, as well as for mutual profit. My emotional ties would not have been necessary." River sighed. "A girl can dream, though. I might have been tied to someone nice."
"All this tying up," Ginny sighed. "Can't these things ever be simple? All I want is something real, something mine and just for me."
River shook her head. "Emotions are wily, intangible things."
Ginny shook her head. "Look at me. I promised myself I'd never pine over someone ever again, and what am I doing? Pining. And ignoring you. Come on, let's get these things on you so you can stop shivering like a leaf."
I am a leaf on the wind, River thought, allowing Ginny to pull off the thin red dress from her slender frame. Watch me soar.
"You told me that ghosts are visible here," River murmured, shivering in the cold.
"Did you see one at the shop?" Ginny asked, rummaging through the pile for something appropriate for River.
"No, just thinking."
"Oh. They look like faint blue images of what they used to be. It's awful chilly when they float through you."
"They can't manifest as solid?"
"Nope." Ginny picked up a red wool blouse and a white skirt with large red roses on it. "Loud, but it suits you." She smiled as River pulled on the clothing quickly. "If that skirt was gold, I'd say you were in Gryffindor colors."
"I'd rather be like a flame."
Ginny thought on that for a moment. "Bright until the end."
River's smile was wide and genuinely pleased. "Exactly."
"Okay, let's go meet my mum. I warn you, she'll want to plump you up right quick. But I think you'll like her. She's nearly everyone's mum now. My dad was off doing something for the new Ministry, and it sounded like he was still gone."
River smiled at Ginny and put on the dark brown jacket that was offered. She still had her same combat boots on, since they hadn't found any shoes that fit. Ginny had resorted to tailoring charms, which had helped them stay in place better. River hadn't found the dancing shoes that Kaylee had promised she could have, but it was only a matter of time.
With magic, there was always enough time.
Everyone was clustered in the main gathering hall. Some witches and wizards spared no time in trying to glean impressions of the future. The Serenity crew for the most part was mindful of the fact that they had no idea what kind of impact they were making on reality. "I could even unmake my own grandparents if I say the wrong thing!" Jayne said at one point. "And I don't know what that stuff is in the glass, but if there's more of it..."
"Butterbeer? There's loads," one man said. He had red hair, freckles across his face and an easy grin. Jayne thought his name was Charlie, but couldn't remember his last name.
"Good. Keep it comin'," Jayne had said cheerfully. "I can tell you 'bout stuff, but I don't know if it's worth a good goddamn."
"Well, I didn't think it could hurt to try."
Mal and Zoe were more taciturn, and often leveled icy glares at others that tried to interrupt their whispered conversation. Kaylee and Simon were chatting with a pair of redheaded twins, a spacey blonde girl and a boy with brown hair, full teeth and an easygoing demeanor. Inara was speaking with an older woman with a Scottish accent. Inara appeared enchanted by the conversation. Ginny and River were seated near Ron, Hermione and Molly. Silver eyes tracked Ginny's every movement, every smile. She never looked up at him.
He got up from his seat in the back corner of the dining hall and slipped from the room. He wasn't very hungry in a place like this. He knew he was watched by at least a dozen Aurors, waiting for him to slip and do something stupid. He knew that nobody trusted him. He knew he had made a mistake, and they were all still punishing him for it.
Draco locked himself into his empty bedroom. The room could have belonged to anyone. There were no personal belongings in the room; he had left almost everything behind. There was a Gringotts key on a chain around his neck, a Dark Mark on his arm and the memory of a kiss seared onto his lips.
He looked into the mirror above his sink in the alcove bathroom. His eyes were the color of a winter's sky, overcast and threatening to storm. He thought of warm chocolate brown eyes asking him the questions he had been too afraid to answer. He thought of how they looked when he had pushed her away. Three months had done nothing but sharpen the memory, and he had memorized every expression on her face.
When I dream at night, I see your eyes holding me still. I hate the way they make me feel, he thought, pushing away from the mirror. She didn't know, couldn't know. And if he had his way, she would never know.
His eyes were like ice, and his hands felt almost frozen into claws. He could tear his throat out, and no one would care. He had sacrificed everything he had ever known. His mother was in hiding, somewhere only McGonagall knew, and even then that bargain had been difficult to make. I can't be certain of your loyalties. You care for your family, but I don't think you would ever count our number among them. What would it take for you to betray us as well? she had asked, eyes piercing through to the empty core of him. She had waited for him to say something, to use his rhetoric skills to deny her.
He hadn't. He had simply sat there, eyes focused on the bridge of her glasses. I have no way to prove myself, he had said simply, voice soft and as passive as he could ever make it. He didn't know how to break his own arrogance. I want my mother safe, and I want out. The Headmaster... Draco had licked his lips and looked away. He had been right. I didn't know what it meant. Everyone made it sound important. I wanted to be important. I was supposed to be important, and it never happened that way.
McGonagall had nodded crisply. Evil always lies, Mr. Malfoy, she had said. It reminded him of being in her Transfigurations class. I expect you to do your part in this, but I cannot promise you that you will be trusted. You walk a dangerous path, and I do not envy your position. Her voice had sounded almost sorry, and he had looked up at her then. It is a difficult thing to betray your conscience. I am glad that you haven't yet crossed that bridge, as empty a victory it feels at this moment. Looking back one day, you will be glad of it. But youth doesn't have the same value for steadfastness as the aged do. But I for one am glad that you have found a core of strength within you. You'll need it for the days to come.
He had believed her, damn him. He had thought he could do this.
"I can't do this," Draco told his reflection.
He was startled to see River standing behind him, bent bobby pins in hand. "I broke your locks," she said quietly. She didn't look sorry, and didn't apologize.
"Why are you here?"
"She needed me," River said simply, shrugging. "You told her you didn't love her when you do, and you tell her she's useless when she isn't. You touched her skin and thought she was beautiful but she shouldn't mean a thing to you." She watched as all semblance of color fled from Draco's skin with her pronouncement. He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. "And so you've learned to be as faithless as the generations before you, telling yourself you would be content with keeping apart. You thought it would bring comfort."
"What are you doing here?" Draco managed to choke out.
"And it was always horribly convenient before, wasn't it? The lack of emotion? Detachment serves its purposes at times."
Draco rushed forward, but she effortlessly flipped him around and away from her. He landed harmlessly on the bed. He hadn't even thought to use his wand, and was cursing himself for his foolishness now. He drew it, and found that River hadn't moved a muscle.
"Don't rip the wings from your butterfly," River murmured, voice gentle.
"What are you on about?" he demanded, voice drawn and haggard.
"Or perhaps you think her a moth. Perhaps you are a moth as well. He might get burned but he's in the game, and he can't go back. He's struck by the flame and can't deny the need, but he would deny himself and let it devour him whole."
"You're talking nonsense," Draco said, voice harsh. "Speak some sense."
"Ginny," River murmured, watching Draco's face go still. "You've hurt her."
"She's better off without me," he said grudgingly. If she was a friend of Ginny's, then maybe she would just accept it and go away.
She didn't.
"You're sorry you kissed her? You're sorry you met her? You're sorry you made her fall in love with you? Then you a sorry boy indeed. I shouldn't have thought you a man, then."
Draco flushed. "What do you want?"
Her face softened. "She deserves to be happy, doesn't she? And if you make her happy, why would you deny that? Why would you deny it to yourself?"
"You don't understand what you're talking about."
She shook her head and headed for the door. "I know only too well. Do you?"
"Wait! How did you get in here?" He watched as she opened the door and stepped into the hallway. "I warded that door myself. You shouldn't have been able to get in."
Her smile was enigmatic. "Don't you know? I'm a witch."
He watched her disappear in amazed silence.
***
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