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Ginny had thought she could do anything for their love…but she couldn’t forget. She couldn’t pretend she hadn’t seen the thing she had. The look of horror on his face as he hurriedly pushed the Death Eater mask under a cloak was imprinted upon her mind like it was yesterday. It had been a fateful year since then.
Every time she saw another death listed in the Prophet, she wondered if it was his. Every time she heard distant screams, she wondered whether he was out there, inflicting them upon Muggleborn wizards and witches. Every time she saw a masked face in the midst of battle, she hesitated… What if it was him? She didn’t even kill in battle any longer, preferring to take prisoners only. However, she pushed away the reasons her mind brought up – she was not trying to protect a Death Eater. She wasn’t.
She had thought she could do anything for their love but break her loyalty to the light. But she couldn’t forget the darkness that was threatening to overpower him.
She could already see it. The good in him was being scoured away by the Darkness he lived with, leaving only cold and hard edges behind. He was becoming ice, unfeeling and unbreakable. He was steeling himself to do things that the man she fell in love with could never do.
She remembered all the tears she had wiped away in empty corridors, even in boys’ bathrooms, a few times. She remembered how he had returned to the Order for a time – how she had been torn for so long between the love of an absent Harry, and his love, real and present - how she had pushed him away for a brief time once Harry returned because she thought it wouldn’t work out between them. She had wasted so much time for them.
Then, after Harry left again, she had gone back to him…because she had thought there was hope. Because she couldn’t stay away. He hadn’t been a Death Eater then, but now…He was leaving at night, and she was never sure where he went. He was quiet and didn’t meet her eyes – he claimed it was stress, but…
She had seen him with those robed men as she was returning from her trip to the Burrow. She had seen the object hastily hidden beneath folds of a robe, and the way the men leered. She knew their faces were familiar, but refused to recognize them for who they were. Death Eaters
She wanted these doubts to disappear, to be drowned by her love for him. But every night when she closed her eyes in the dark, she felt it. She was living a lie. And she knew that someday, together wouldn’t feel right to her. And then, she would break his heart and hers. She would walk away.
She tried to forget that, too—to forget the inevitability of their division. But the wall that they had built up between them reminded her. The fact that she felt better while alone reminded her. Every night, when he disappeared and she was left alone in the dark, wondering, she was reminded that this would all fall apart eventually. There was nothing either one of them could do to hold it together. Unless they changed the very core of their being, this relationship was doomed to fail.
---
Draco walked up to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and tucking his chin onto her shoulder. She smiled, her eyes lighting up, but he could see a shadow in them that hadn’t been there before she found out.
Draco sighed. He guessed that he was lucky she had stayed this long…he had thought she would have left the day she knew. But she had merely nodded and wrapped her arms tightly about him. He had long since lost all hope that he could change. Now his only hope was that she would be able to forgive him.
He had doubts now, though. Every day, the distance between them grew. She wouldn’t tell him about her days, he wouldn’t tell her about his nights. Neither of them trusted the other anymore. Neither of them was comfortable with the other.
Because when love and war conflicted, war always took precedence. Because when it came down to it, they were enemies. Two people on different sides of a war that would decide the fates of both their lives couldn't expect their love to survive, not when winning the war meant one of them was bound to die.
He could still hope, one of the greatest curses of being human, of loving. He did hope. But deep inside, a nagging feeling said that their paths would soon divide.
Together was starting to feel wrong. When it didn’t feel right anymore, the final blow would fall. Merlin, he wished they could be together forever. But time would tell.
Yet he still hoped.
---
When he returned in the morning one day, she was ready…ready to break the lie that had been destroying them both.
“Draco, I can’t live like this anymore,” she blurted out as soon as she saw him.
His eyes changed to cold steel…He hoped…
She ignored the pain in his eyes and continued. “We are living a lie. We can’t trust each other anymore. We can’t even talk. There’s nothing left to stay for."
He looked at her from his position in the doorway. “Damn it, Ginny, I love you. That’s enough to fight for.”
She smiled bitterly, tears running down her face. “Not when we are enemies in a war. Not when we’re killing each other’s loved ones. Not now.”
He said quietly, “All’s fair in love and war. Are you scared of that? Scared that I will use you to get deeper inside the Order?”
“NO! But, Merlin, Draco, I already know so many things about your infiltration that I haven’t even tried to find out…that I have been hiding from the Order to protect you! And we can’t let that happen anymore. If your side wins, I will die, and if my side wins-"
“I’ll be as good as dead,” Draco snarled, finishing the sentence.
Tears streamed down Ginny’s face. “You see?”
Silently, Draco stepped out of the doorway, leaving her path clear. Slowly, painfully, she forced herself out of that room, away from the one man who had ever known all of her.
She turned in the doorway. “Draco, if you were to change sides…?”
He asked gently, “Would I ask you to do that?” She shook her head. “Then don’t ask me, Ginny. You know I can’t.”
She sobbed deep in her throat. He longed to comfort her, but the bridge that had crossed the divide of sides had been broken. She was his no longer.
She walked out the door, breaking into a run. If she stopped now, she would go back…she knew he loved her. But this was war.
Seven months later…
Ginny stared out the window of her flat in London, cupping her coffee mug in her hands and breathing in deeply. Her mother scrutinized her face as she sat across the table.
“Ginny, did I tell you that Harry came back to see us yesterday?”
Ginny looked at her mother patiently. “No, Mum, you didn’t.”
Molly Weasley beamed. “He asked about you, you know.”
Ginny sighed. “That’s nice, Mum.”
Molly frowned. “Ginny! Stop sounding so uninterested! He’s one of the best boys you could ever have, and now that the War’s over…”
“Mum, stop it. If Harry wants to see me, he’ll come by. If not…” Ginny shrugged.
Molly clucked. “That man has always loved you, Gin, and you’re a fool if you let him get away.”
Ginny pressed the palms of her hands against her eyelids. “Mum, just forget about it. I’m just not ready. Can you stop trying to set me up with him?”
Molly’s eyes flashed. “You’re not ready? Ginny, the last man you dated was Harry. What can possibly be the matter with you?”
Ginny sighed. “Nothing at all, Mum.”
Molly pressed her hands against the dinner table, chair squeaking as she lifted herself up. Picking up the dishes and putting them in the sink, she waved her wand to wash them. Then, she turned back to Ginny, hands on her hips and a kind smile on her face.
“Ginny, don’t be stubborn. I know that he left you at Hogwarts, but he was trying to keep you safe. Honestly, dear, he hasn’t looked at another woman since the War ended…with all those girls fawning over him, that should count for something. He loves you, dear.”
But I don’t love him, Ginny thought irritably.
Mrs. Weasley wrapped her arms around her daughter’s thin shoulders and squeezed gently. “I’ll see you next week, dear. Dinner is at the Burrow at seven, okay? Everyone should be there. Besides,” she said with a grin, “I believe Ron and Hermione have an announcement to make to us.”
“A fourth baby on the way, perhaps?” Ginny said with her first smile of the day. She truly was happy that her brother had finally gotten his head on straight and married Hermione during the War.
“I’m hoping, Gin,” Mrs. Weasley said brightly.
Ginny walked her to the front door and showed her mother out. After she shut the door behind her, she closed her eyes, trembling.
I miss him.
She pushed herself toward the sofa in front of a cosy fireplace and collapsed into it, hugging a pillow to her chest and burying her face in it.
Suddenly, a knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. Wiping away salty traces of tears, she waved her wand over her face to put on concealing makeup for the unexpected guest. She pasted a smile on her face and opened the door.
---
He stood tensely as the door swung open. When he saw it was her, he felt relief pounding through his veins.
“Ginny,” he whispered. She looked just as he remembered. Still, the wan shade of her cheeks and the tired look in her eyes worried him. She looked…she looked like she was hurting. He held back a shudder of pain himself.
He had missed her. There was no question about it. Seeing her again only reminded him of everything he had lost. Nevertheless, she had been his only choice. Now she was the only one who could save him from the Aurors at his heels.
He carefully gauged her reaction.
She didn’t look angry…just shocked. “Hello, Draco.” Her voice was shaky. Was that a good or bad thing? He decided that it was good, because it wasn’t her ‘angry’ voice.
The fake smile she had plastered on melted away to reveal a weak grimace.
This was it. This was his chance. “Ginny, I need your help.” He held his breath and waited. The look in her eyes told him that she wasn’t automatically shutting him out.
“The War’s over, Draco. You shouldn’t be here.” Her expression was noncommittal.
Draco pushed away the regret. Did he honestly expect her to just fall into his arms again?
“I know…but I have nowhere to go.”
The silence stretched between the two. Finally, Ginny said, “Come in.” She stepped out of the doorway, and Draco eagerly stepped into the haven.
As he came through the doorway, he looked around. The decoration was minimal, and all the colours were neutral greys, beiges, and blacks. He couldn’t believe Ginny lived here.
“Nice place.” He couldn’t keep the sarcasm from drifting into his voice.
“Don’t do that,” Ginny snapped. “Don’t judge me with one glance. You have no right.”
Turning to the windows, she began shutting the curtains in the sitting room. “You can sit down now, Draco.”
He winced at this subtle reminder that he wasn’t supposed to be here. “I suppose I should tell you why I’m here.”
Ginny sat across from him in an armchair and pulled a pillow towards her, hugging it to her chest. She peeked over the top, looking at him with expectant eyes. Draco fought the laugh bubbling up in his throat. She looked so…innocent. It had been so long since he had seen that in anyone – it had been so long since Ginny left.
You need her. Draco shook his head savagely. Well, I can’t have her. “The Aurors are after me.”
Ginny shrugged. “Of course.”
“Ginny…will you help me?”
---
He asked me to help him. Merlin, what do I do? How can I choose between him and my duty?
“You know I can’t, Draco.”
Draco helplessly said, “Ginny, please.”
Ginny squeezed her pillow with white hands. “Draco, no. I lived a lie for years with you. I’ve only just pulled myself out of the mess I made. I’m not going back.”
Draco hissed, “I’m not asking you to lie! I’m asking you for your help!”
Ginny shook her head. “You’re asking me to hide a Death Eater.”
Draco asked, “Is that all I am to you? A Death Eater?”
I can’t do this. How could he come back? How could he make me do this – make me choose? But…I can’t let him close.
Ginny looked at the wall. “No. You’re so much more. You’re the man who killed Parvati Patil.”
She watched pain flicker over his face, replaced by cold eyes. “If I leave today, the Aurors will catch me. I’ve let them come too close…I stopped running to speak with you. If I leave today, my death will be your fault.”
Ginny shut her eyes, fighting tears. I do what I have to. “Draco, you must go now.”
Silently, he got up from the couch and left. The door slammed shut behind him.
You did what was right. He’s a Death Eater. He’s killed people that you love. She felt despair and regret fill her in a painful mix. Once again, she had walked away from him. Once again, she’d ignored what she could not change.
She felt like she was betraying him all over again. You love him.
I can’t have him.
The next morning…
Malfoy Escapes Aurors
Ginny looked at the paper’s title with a half-smile as she took another bite of her omelette. He never needed her. He only thought he did, just as she thought she missed him.
Don’t lie to yourself. She winced and her smile slipped for a moment. She had to move on. He was living his own life; it was time to live hers as well.
She may love him. She couldn’t deny that. But she would get over it, because she had to. In the end, she couldn’t live a lie. That was the only thing that mattered. They may love each other, but they would never be together.
They were on opposite sides. They were too different.
Sighing, she dumped the omelette and the paper in the rubbish bin. Maybe she would ask her mother for Harry’s address and pay a visit.
Ginny stepped out of the fireplace, smiling brightly at her mother. “Hello, Mum. What’s for dinner?”
Molly laughed as she hugged her only daughter. “I still think the only reason you come here is for my food, Ginny dear.”
“Aw, Mum,” murmured Ginny, squeezing her mother’s hand slightly, “you know that’s not true.”
Molly patted Ginny’s arm and smiled. “Help me with setting the table, love.”
Ginny followed her mother to the kitchen and waved her wand at the plates, causing them to fly across the room and land gently on the table.
“I’m a bit early, I know,” Ginny said as she whisked the glasses to the table as well. “But word ended, so I thought I’d just come.”
“You’re always welcome, love. No need to explain to me!”
Ginny finished with the table and turned to gaze at her mum. “So this news from Ron – any hints on whether my guess is right?”
Molly shook her head. “You know how Ron is when Hermione tells him to keep things private.”
Ginny snickered. “Yes, she does keep him in line, doesn’t she?”
“Now, you hush! I think it’s lovely that Ron listens to his wife so well.”
“Just like you and Dad, right, Mum?”
Molly smacked Ginny’s arm with her hand lightly. “Sometimes you bear a direct resemblance to the twins, Ginny.”
Fred and George walked into the kitchen and chorused, “Did someone say our names?”
Fred murmured, “No, mate – it’s Gred and Forge.”
Ginny rolled her eyes. “Are you two still keeping up with that farce? It’s older than dirt, you know.”
George laughed. “We don’t know how old dirt is…but you would, dear old sister of ours, considering you’ve been around that long.”
They rushed out of the room before Ginny could dash around the counter, so she gave up, simply sharing a helpless smile with her mother.
“Who else is coming, Mum?”
“Well, Ron and Hermione, of course. Charlie will be dropping by, the twins are here, but I think Bill and Percy have work tonight. Fleur’s busy with the baby’s walking – doesn’t want to take her anywhere at this point, understandably.” Molly beamed. “She’s such a good mother, quite surprised me what with her having Veela blood and all.” She sniffed. “But I should have realized the girl isn’t flighty.”
Ginny smiled. Fleur had truly become part of the family, and it was a sad time when Briar, her niece, wasn’t sitting at the table launching applesauce at Fred and George.
“Oh, and Harry will come as well, I think. He wants to hear this news as much and you and me.”
Ginny’s stomach dropped uncomfortably, and she nearly set the knife to chopping the dishes instead of the salad.
I can do this. I should do this. Draco and I are over; I need to be here for Ron and Hermione’s news. I was planning to talk to him anyway. It’s a little unexpected and much sooner than I wanted, but I’ll have to do it sometime, and now – surrounded by family – is as good a time as any.
Just then, the object of her concern walked in the door and froze at the sight of her.
“Ginny?”
“Hello, Harry.”
He grinned, walked behind the counter, kissed her mother on the cheek, and promptly swept her into a hug.
“I’m so glad to see you,” he whispered. “You’ve been avoiding me for ages.”
She swallowed deliberately, gently pushing him back a bit to look at his face and acutely aware of the awkward placement of his hands around her waist.
Draco would be so angry… She blinked. No thinking about Draco.
“I’m sorry, Harry. It’s just – seeing you out there finally finished with the war and safe – and you know, with you travelling all of the past year. I feel as though I don’t know you anymore.”
He nodded, eyes sparkling. “I understand. I’m just glad you’re here.”
Molly gazed at Ginny warmly behind Harry’s back, and Ginny looked away. She’s already planning our wedding – I can see it in her eyes.
“Me too, Harry.”
Molly bustled around them and said brightly, “Dinner’s ready, you two!”
Harry flushed and let go of Ginny, instead taking her arm and guiding her to the table. As he pulled back her seat, Ginny sat down in front of Hermione, who looked both shocked and ecstatic at the sight of them.
“I didn’t see you come in, Ron,” said Ginny, pointedly avoiding Hermione’s excited expression.
“Juscamein,” said Ron, already stuffing his mouth with food using all available appendages.
Hermione hissed, “Ginny, are you and Harry – since when –” She took a deep breath. “What’s going on?”
Ginny grinned. “I should ask you the same. What’s this big news?”
Hermione immediately looked at Ron and began fixing his shirt as he attempted to fight her hands away; they were getting in between him and his food. Ginny grinned. Awkward question number one: Avoided.
After nearly an hour, everyone was nearly finished with their meal. Ron slowly lumbered up, his belly considerable inches wider than before, and looked at the family expectantly.
Everyone quieted, waiting for him to speak.
“We’re having a baby.”
The effect was instantaneous. The twins cackled and elbowed Ron, muttering something about more action in the bedroom. Molly Weasley burst into tears, and Arthur rubbed Hermione’s hand comfortingly as she shut her eyes, cheeks flushed after the twins’ comment.
Harry turned to Ginny and blurted out, “Ginny, would you like to go to lunch with me?”
Ginny, equally delirious over her new niece or nephew, said unthinkingly, “Of course.”
Ten years later…
Ginny looked out of the window over the Hogwarts grounds and smiled. The mist looked beautiful as it floated over the Forbidden Forest. It had been so long since she had come here. Overcome by a wave of nostalgia, she let herself slip into a memory.
Harry glanced at her, and then looked away. He had been doing this for the past five minutes, and Ginny was getting irritated.
“Harry, what is it? Why do you keep looking at me?”
He turned to her in surprise. “What?”
Ginny waited.
“Oh! I – I wanted to ask you if you’d come to the Ministry Halloween Party with me.”
Ginny smiled. After months of casual lunches, it had come to this. Without hesitating, she said, “Sure, Harry. I’d love to.”
He grinned in relief and squeezed her hand lightly.
She winced at herself as the guilt poured back. She didn’t need to feel this; Draco had betrayed her, not the other way around. He had promised he wouldn’t take the Dark Mark, and instead, he had become a Death Eater.
She glanced at the man beside her. Harry was a good man, and he would treat her well. He loved her once, and she had loved him for a long time as a friend. People always said the best loves begin in friendship. She had to give this a chance.
She was glad she had. It had been ten years since that day. Ginny had fallen in love with Harry – with his honesty, his kindness, his nobility. It would never be something that swept her off her feet, but it was enough.
Harry called for her. “Ginny, I brought coffee.”
Smiling, Ginny picked up the paper off the table and glanced at the front page.
“The Headmaster of Hogwarts sneaking down to the kitchen to solicit food from house elves? McGonagall would’ve been so shocked,” Ginny teased.
Harry grinned. “Dobby brought it up for us. After five years of me being here, he knows what we like.”
“Did he bring the paper?”
Harry handed her a steaming mug. “Yes. It has some good news in it, too.”
Ginny grabbed the Prophet from Harry’s hand and glanced at the front page.
Malfoy Caught At Last!
Ginny blanched in surprise and horror.
Harry wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, and for an instant she swore she felt Draco’s breath hot in her ear.
“Angel,” she whispered slowly, in a trance of memories long ago.
Harry asked her quietly, “What’s that, sweetheart?”
She shook her head at him quickly.
He smiled. “Well, it’s finally safe. Malfoy was one of the last Death Eaters that merited catching.”
She turned into his arms and buried her face in his chest. She had been with Harry for ten years now. Nothing could change that…Merlin, they were getting married! It had taken her ten years to decide whether she could live with less than the love she had with Draco. When she had finally said yes, a bit of her heart shattered…but now this was her destiny, her reality. She was going to marry Harry Potter.
Her voice, muffled, came out, “I am so glad you didn’t become an Auror. What if you–" she changed what she was going to say, “were hurt?”
Harry stroked her hair softly. But she bit back the words she had wanted to say. What if you had hurt Draco?
It was then she knew that she had to see him. He had been such a mystery to her – even when she thought she knew him. He nearly killed Dumbledore, then told her he was joining her in the Order, and had finally betrayed the Order to save his mother’s life; she needed to see everything about him. Just one last time, before…well, before her life went on. She had been living in the past for so long, maybe a reminder of it would push her into the present, push her into thinking about her future.
She pulled away from Harry. “I have work to do, Harry. Okay?”
Harry sighed and nodded. She giggled. She knew what he was thinking.
She walked out the door, not heading to her workplace in the Department of Mysteries researching love, but to Azkaban and Draco Malfoy.
She pushed away the lingering feeling that it was there that she belonged, pushed away a hunch that she may never come back here again; she walked off to face the last fear in her life. She was going to face a man who had broken her heart a thousand times over…the man that had ruined her for love from any other.
She couldn't keep away. It was like she was a moth and he the flame. She kept going back to him; it was as if she couldn’t stop herself. Hopefully she would be able to leave him. But she had to find out the truth. What she really felt...was Draco Malfoy the man for her? Was the real lie this engagement to Harry Potter? Or had she just been naive?
So she broke her promise to herself that she wouldn’t return to him. She walked away from a loving, noble man to see a flawed one. Hopefully, she would remember that when she saw him. Hopefully, she would be able to go back to her fiancée.
Ginevra Weasley took a deep breath and stepped into the Azkaban cell of her old love…her betrayer.
He looked at her for a long time. She looked well. The eyes were fiery as he remembered, the hair just as scarlet. She was dressed in black…he supposed it was in mourning for the countless dead. Black suited her.
He pushed away memories of their love that suddenly flooded him as the Dementors left the room. She wasn’t his any longer. He had no right anymore. It was his own fault.
She watched him carefully. His eyes burned silver with shame; this was the life he could never bear, and she knew it. A litany of the dead’s names rang through her head, strengthening her.
“You promised me you would fight for the Order.”
“I promised many people many things.” It wasn’t really an answer and he knew it.
Ginny laughed bitterly. “Did I ever mean a thing to you?”
“I never lied about that.”
“Can I believe that? You pretended to grieve for Narcissa, pretended to follow the Order…”
Draco snapped, “I did do all of those things. I’m not you, Ginny - always doing what’s right. I saved you from rape, murder – even worse – by serving Him. I loved you. That was wrong in itself. You did what was right as always. You betrayed me.”
She glared angrily. “Do you blame me? You followed Him!”
He snarled, “You wouldn’t understand. I never expected you to. That’s why I was so surprised that you came to visit. You have nothing to explain to me.”
She looked at him angrily. “One doesn’t forget the love of her life that easily.”
He spat. “Really? That’s why you’re marrying Potter,” he spat. He looked down. “Over and over – all I see is you betraying me to the Aurors when I came to you to hide from them.”
She winced, and pleaded with him, not knowing why…because he was clearly wrong this time.
“Draco, defeating Voldemort was the most important thing for me. You betrayed that.”
“You expected me to place you before the Dark Lord…while I was second to the Order for you.”
“Because –”
Draco finished. “It was right. Ginny, sometimes you have to make a choice between two evils! Everything isn’t black and white!”
Ginny looked at his eyes, and nearly drowned as memories overtook her.
He pulled away from her mouth, eyes hungry. “Ginny, will you love me?”
“Always,” she breathed. “I believe in you.”
His hand squeezed hers tightly.
He smirked smugly at her dreamy smile. “You may try to forget me, Ginevra Weasley, but you never will. He isn’t everything you need, even if he is what you want. We fit together – we always will.” He wrapped his hands around the iron bars as if they would strengthen him. “I don’t want to watch you marry another man. I don’t want to live here.”
“That’s a coward’s way out.”
“I never claimed to be anything better.”
“I always thought you could be.”
Draco shrugged at her. “You have the wand, Ginny. All I want is for you to do it. You can – I’ve watched you kill my friends.”
Tears ran down her face. “I can’t, Draco.”
He smiled at her sadly. “Can’t you? Are you doing what’s right now…or is this about you? Will my being alive justify your marriage to Potter?” he asked. “You killed me the day you betrayed me – the least you can do is do it properly.”
Ginny shook her head defiantly. “You can’t make me do this, Draco. I have nothing to feel guilty about.”
He turned away.
She looked at him for a long time. As much as she hated him for hurting her, she still loved him enough to spare him from his pain.
“Avada Kedavra.”
Then, too late, realization dawned upon her. He’d never let anyone else have you if he couldn’t. He asked you for freedom, and has condemned you – so that you wouldn’t be anyone else’s.
She laughed helplessly as the Dementors gathered. Once a fool, always a fool.
“Draco!” A shriek ripped from her throat as they dragged her to her new cell.
Every time she saw another death listed in the Prophet, she wondered if it was his. Every time she heard distant screams, she wondered whether he was out there, inflicting them upon Muggleborn wizards and witches. Every time she saw a masked face in the midst of battle, she hesitated… What if it was him? She didn’t even kill in battle any longer, preferring to take prisoners only. However, she pushed away the reasons her mind brought up – she was not trying to protect a Death Eater. She wasn’t.
She had thought she could do anything for their love but break her loyalty to the light. But she couldn’t forget the darkness that was threatening to overpower him.
She could already see it. The good in him was being scoured away by the Darkness he lived with, leaving only cold and hard edges behind. He was becoming ice, unfeeling and unbreakable. He was steeling himself to do things that the man she fell in love with could never do.
She remembered all the tears she had wiped away in empty corridors, even in boys’ bathrooms, a few times. She remembered how he had returned to the Order for a time – how she had been torn for so long between the love of an absent Harry, and his love, real and present - how she had pushed him away for a brief time once Harry returned because she thought it wouldn’t work out between them. She had wasted so much time for them.
Then, after Harry left again, she had gone back to him…because she had thought there was hope. Because she couldn’t stay away. He hadn’t been a Death Eater then, but now…He was leaving at night, and she was never sure where he went. He was quiet and didn’t meet her eyes – he claimed it was stress, but…
She had seen him with those robed men as she was returning from her trip to the Burrow. She had seen the object hastily hidden beneath folds of a robe, and the way the men leered. She knew their faces were familiar, but refused to recognize them for who they were. Death Eaters
She wanted these doubts to disappear, to be drowned by her love for him. But every night when she closed her eyes in the dark, she felt it. She was living a lie. And she knew that someday, together wouldn’t feel right to her. And then, she would break his heart and hers. She would walk away.
She tried to forget that, too—to forget the inevitability of their division. But the wall that they had built up between them reminded her. The fact that she felt better while alone reminded her. Every night, when he disappeared and she was left alone in the dark, wondering, she was reminded that this would all fall apart eventually. There was nothing either one of them could do to hold it together. Unless they changed the very core of their being, this relationship was doomed to fail.
---
Draco walked up to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and tucking his chin onto her shoulder. She smiled, her eyes lighting up, but he could see a shadow in them that hadn’t been there before she found out.
Draco sighed. He guessed that he was lucky she had stayed this long…he had thought she would have left the day she knew. But she had merely nodded and wrapped her arms tightly about him. He had long since lost all hope that he could change. Now his only hope was that she would be able to forgive him.
He had doubts now, though. Every day, the distance between them grew. She wouldn’t tell him about her days, he wouldn’t tell her about his nights. Neither of them trusted the other anymore. Neither of them was comfortable with the other.
Because when love and war conflicted, war always took precedence. Because when it came down to it, they were enemies. Two people on different sides of a war that would decide the fates of both their lives couldn't expect their love to survive, not when winning the war meant one of them was bound to die.
He could still hope, one of the greatest curses of being human, of loving. He did hope. But deep inside, a nagging feeling said that their paths would soon divide.
Together was starting to feel wrong. When it didn’t feel right anymore, the final blow would fall. Merlin, he wished they could be together forever. But time would tell.
Yet he still hoped.
---
When he returned in the morning one day, she was ready…ready to break the lie that had been destroying them both.
“Draco, I can’t live like this anymore,” she blurted out as soon as she saw him.
His eyes changed to cold steel…He hoped…
She ignored the pain in his eyes and continued. “We are living a lie. We can’t trust each other anymore. We can’t even talk. There’s nothing left to stay for."
He looked at her from his position in the doorway. “Damn it, Ginny, I love you. That’s enough to fight for.”
She smiled bitterly, tears running down her face. “Not when we are enemies in a war. Not when we’re killing each other’s loved ones. Not now.”
He said quietly, “All’s fair in love and war. Are you scared of that? Scared that I will use you to get deeper inside the Order?”
“NO! But, Merlin, Draco, I already know so many things about your infiltration that I haven’t even tried to find out…that I have been hiding from the Order to protect you! And we can’t let that happen anymore. If your side wins, I will die, and if my side wins-"
“I’ll be as good as dead,” Draco snarled, finishing the sentence.
Tears streamed down Ginny’s face. “You see?”
Silently, Draco stepped out of the doorway, leaving her path clear. Slowly, painfully, she forced herself out of that room, away from the one man who had ever known all of her.
She turned in the doorway. “Draco, if you were to change sides…?”
He asked gently, “Would I ask you to do that?” She shook her head. “Then don’t ask me, Ginny. You know I can’t.”
She sobbed deep in her throat. He longed to comfort her, but the bridge that had crossed the divide of sides had been broken. She was his no longer.
She walked out the door, breaking into a run. If she stopped now, she would go back…she knew he loved her. But this was war.
Seven months later…
Ginny stared out the window of her flat in London, cupping her coffee mug in her hands and breathing in deeply. Her mother scrutinized her face as she sat across the table.
“Ginny, did I tell you that Harry came back to see us yesterday?”
Ginny looked at her mother patiently. “No, Mum, you didn’t.”
Molly Weasley beamed. “He asked about you, you know.”
Ginny sighed. “That’s nice, Mum.”
Molly frowned. “Ginny! Stop sounding so uninterested! He’s one of the best boys you could ever have, and now that the War’s over…”
“Mum, stop it. If Harry wants to see me, he’ll come by. If not…” Ginny shrugged.
Molly clucked. “That man has always loved you, Gin, and you’re a fool if you let him get away.”
Ginny pressed the palms of her hands against her eyelids. “Mum, just forget about it. I’m just not ready. Can you stop trying to set me up with him?”
Molly’s eyes flashed. “You’re not ready? Ginny, the last man you dated was Harry. What can possibly be the matter with you?”
Ginny sighed. “Nothing at all, Mum.”
Molly pressed her hands against the dinner table, chair squeaking as she lifted herself up. Picking up the dishes and putting them in the sink, she waved her wand to wash them. Then, she turned back to Ginny, hands on her hips and a kind smile on her face.
“Ginny, don’t be stubborn. I know that he left you at Hogwarts, but he was trying to keep you safe. Honestly, dear, he hasn’t looked at another woman since the War ended…with all those girls fawning over him, that should count for something. He loves you, dear.”
But I don’t love him, Ginny thought irritably.
Mrs. Weasley wrapped her arms around her daughter’s thin shoulders and squeezed gently. “I’ll see you next week, dear. Dinner is at the Burrow at seven, okay? Everyone should be there. Besides,” she said with a grin, “I believe Ron and Hermione have an announcement to make to us.”
“A fourth baby on the way, perhaps?” Ginny said with her first smile of the day. She truly was happy that her brother had finally gotten his head on straight and married Hermione during the War.
“I’m hoping, Gin,” Mrs. Weasley said brightly.
Ginny walked her to the front door and showed her mother out. After she shut the door behind her, she closed her eyes, trembling.
I miss him.
She pushed herself toward the sofa in front of a cosy fireplace and collapsed into it, hugging a pillow to her chest and burying her face in it.
Suddenly, a knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. Wiping away salty traces of tears, she waved her wand over her face to put on concealing makeup for the unexpected guest. She pasted a smile on her face and opened the door.
---
He stood tensely as the door swung open. When he saw it was her, he felt relief pounding through his veins.
“Ginny,” he whispered. She looked just as he remembered. Still, the wan shade of her cheeks and the tired look in her eyes worried him. She looked…she looked like she was hurting. He held back a shudder of pain himself.
He had missed her. There was no question about it. Seeing her again only reminded him of everything he had lost. Nevertheless, she had been his only choice. Now she was the only one who could save him from the Aurors at his heels.
He carefully gauged her reaction.
She didn’t look angry…just shocked. “Hello, Draco.” Her voice was shaky. Was that a good or bad thing? He decided that it was good, because it wasn’t her ‘angry’ voice.
The fake smile she had plastered on melted away to reveal a weak grimace.
This was it. This was his chance. “Ginny, I need your help.” He held his breath and waited. The look in her eyes told him that she wasn’t automatically shutting him out.
“The War’s over, Draco. You shouldn’t be here.” Her expression was noncommittal.
Draco pushed away the regret. Did he honestly expect her to just fall into his arms again?
“I know…but I have nowhere to go.”
The silence stretched between the two. Finally, Ginny said, “Come in.” She stepped out of the doorway, and Draco eagerly stepped into the haven.
As he came through the doorway, he looked around. The decoration was minimal, and all the colours were neutral greys, beiges, and blacks. He couldn’t believe Ginny lived here.
“Nice place.” He couldn’t keep the sarcasm from drifting into his voice.
“Don’t do that,” Ginny snapped. “Don’t judge me with one glance. You have no right.”
Turning to the windows, she began shutting the curtains in the sitting room. “You can sit down now, Draco.”
He winced at this subtle reminder that he wasn’t supposed to be here. “I suppose I should tell you why I’m here.”
Ginny sat across from him in an armchair and pulled a pillow towards her, hugging it to her chest. She peeked over the top, looking at him with expectant eyes. Draco fought the laugh bubbling up in his throat. She looked so…innocent. It had been so long since he had seen that in anyone – it had been so long since Ginny left.
You need her. Draco shook his head savagely. Well, I can’t have her. “The Aurors are after me.”
Ginny shrugged. “Of course.”
“Ginny…will you help me?”
---
He asked me to help him. Merlin, what do I do? How can I choose between him and my duty?
“You know I can’t, Draco.”
Draco helplessly said, “Ginny, please.”
Ginny squeezed her pillow with white hands. “Draco, no. I lived a lie for years with you. I’ve only just pulled myself out of the mess I made. I’m not going back.”
Draco hissed, “I’m not asking you to lie! I’m asking you for your help!”
Ginny shook her head. “You’re asking me to hide a Death Eater.”
Draco asked, “Is that all I am to you? A Death Eater?”
I can’t do this. How could he come back? How could he make me do this – make me choose? But…I can’t let him close.
Ginny looked at the wall. “No. You’re so much more. You’re the man who killed Parvati Patil.”
She watched pain flicker over his face, replaced by cold eyes. “If I leave today, the Aurors will catch me. I’ve let them come too close…I stopped running to speak with you. If I leave today, my death will be your fault.”
Ginny shut her eyes, fighting tears. I do what I have to. “Draco, you must go now.”
Silently, he got up from the couch and left. The door slammed shut behind him.
You did what was right. He’s a Death Eater. He’s killed people that you love. She felt despair and regret fill her in a painful mix. Once again, she had walked away from him. Once again, she’d ignored what she could not change.
She felt like she was betraying him all over again. You love him.
I can’t have him.
The next morning…
Ginny looked at the paper’s title with a half-smile as she took another bite of her omelette. He never needed her. He only thought he did, just as she thought she missed him.
Don’t lie to yourself. She winced and her smile slipped for a moment. She had to move on. He was living his own life; it was time to live hers as well.
She may love him. She couldn’t deny that. But she would get over it, because she had to. In the end, she couldn’t live a lie. That was the only thing that mattered. They may love each other, but they would never be together.
They were on opposite sides. They were too different.
Sighing, she dumped the omelette and the paper in the rubbish bin. Maybe she would ask her mother for Harry’s address and pay a visit.
Ginny stepped out of the fireplace, smiling brightly at her mother. “Hello, Mum. What’s for dinner?”
Molly laughed as she hugged her only daughter. “I still think the only reason you come here is for my food, Ginny dear.”
“Aw, Mum,” murmured Ginny, squeezing her mother’s hand slightly, “you know that’s not true.”
Molly patted Ginny’s arm and smiled. “Help me with setting the table, love.”
Ginny followed her mother to the kitchen and waved her wand at the plates, causing them to fly across the room and land gently on the table.
“I’m a bit early, I know,” Ginny said as she whisked the glasses to the table as well. “But word ended, so I thought I’d just come.”
“You’re always welcome, love. No need to explain to me!”
Ginny finished with the table and turned to gaze at her mum. “So this news from Ron – any hints on whether my guess is right?”
Molly shook her head. “You know how Ron is when Hermione tells him to keep things private.”
Ginny snickered. “Yes, she does keep him in line, doesn’t she?”
“Now, you hush! I think it’s lovely that Ron listens to his wife so well.”
“Just like you and Dad, right, Mum?”
Molly smacked Ginny’s arm with her hand lightly. “Sometimes you bear a direct resemblance to the twins, Ginny.”
Fred and George walked into the kitchen and chorused, “Did someone say our names?”
Fred murmured, “No, mate – it’s Gred and Forge.”
Ginny rolled her eyes. “Are you two still keeping up with that farce? It’s older than dirt, you know.”
George laughed. “We don’t know how old dirt is…but you would, dear old sister of ours, considering you’ve been around that long.”
They rushed out of the room before Ginny could dash around the counter, so she gave up, simply sharing a helpless smile with her mother.
“Who else is coming, Mum?”
“Well, Ron and Hermione, of course. Charlie will be dropping by, the twins are here, but I think Bill and Percy have work tonight. Fleur’s busy with the baby’s walking – doesn’t want to take her anywhere at this point, understandably.” Molly beamed. “She’s such a good mother, quite surprised me what with her having Veela blood and all.” She sniffed. “But I should have realized the girl isn’t flighty.”
Ginny smiled. Fleur had truly become part of the family, and it was a sad time when Briar, her niece, wasn’t sitting at the table launching applesauce at Fred and George.
“Oh, and Harry will come as well, I think. He wants to hear this news as much and you and me.”
Ginny’s stomach dropped uncomfortably, and she nearly set the knife to chopping the dishes instead of the salad.
I can do this. I should do this. Draco and I are over; I need to be here for Ron and Hermione’s news. I was planning to talk to him anyway. It’s a little unexpected and much sooner than I wanted, but I’ll have to do it sometime, and now – surrounded by family – is as good a time as any.
Just then, the object of her concern walked in the door and froze at the sight of her.
“Ginny?”
“Hello, Harry.”
He grinned, walked behind the counter, kissed her mother on the cheek, and promptly swept her into a hug.
“I’m so glad to see you,” he whispered. “You’ve been avoiding me for ages.”
She swallowed deliberately, gently pushing him back a bit to look at his face and acutely aware of the awkward placement of his hands around her waist.
Draco would be so angry… She blinked. No thinking about Draco.
“I’m sorry, Harry. It’s just – seeing you out there finally finished with the war and safe – and you know, with you travelling all of the past year. I feel as though I don’t know you anymore.”
He nodded, eyes sparkling. “I understand. I’m just glad you’re here.”
Molly gazed at Ginny warmly behind Harry’s back, and Ginny looked away. She’s already planning our wedding – I can see it in her eyes.
“Me too, Harry.”
Molly bustled around them and said brightly, “Dinner’s ready, you two!”
Harry flushed and let go of Ginny, instead taking her arm and guiding her to the table. As he pulled back her seat, Ginny sat down in front of Hermione, who looked both shocked and ecstatic at the sight of them.
“I didn’t see you come in, Ron,” said Ginny, pointedly avoiding Hermione’s excited expression.
“Juscamein,” said Ron, already stuffing his mouth with food using all available appendages.
Hermione hissed, “Ginny, are you and Harry – since when –” She took a deep breath. “What’s going on?”
Ginny grinned. “I should ask you the same. What’s this big news?”
Hermione immediately looked at Ron and began fixing his shirt as he attempted to fight her hands away; they were getting in between him and his food. Ginny grinned. Awkward question number one: Avoided.
After nearly an hour, everyone was nearly finished with their meal. Ron slowly lumbered up, his belly considerable inches wider than before, and looked at the family expectantly.
Everyone quieted, waiting for him to speak.
“We’re having a baby.”
The effect was instantaneous. The twins cackled and elbowed Ron, muttering something about more action in the bedroom. Molly Weasley burst into tears, and Arthur rubbed Hermione’s hand comfortingly as she shut her eyes, cheeks flushed after the twins’ comment.
Harry turned to Ginny and blurted out, “Ginny, would you like to go to lunch with me?”
Ginny, equally delirious over her new niece or nephew, said unthinkingly, “Of course.”
Ten years later…
Ginny looked out of the window over the Hogwarts grounds and smiled. The mist looked beautiful as it floated over the Forbidden Forest. It had been so long since she had come here. Overcome by a wave of nostalgia, she let herself slip into a memory.
Harry glanced at her, and then looked away. He had been doing this for the past five minutes, and Ginny was getting irritated.
“Harry, what is it? Why do you keep looking at me?”
He turned to her in surprise. “What?”
Ginny waited.
“Oh! I – I wanted to ask you if you’d come to the Ministry Halloween Party with me.”
Ginny smiled. After months of casual lunches, it had come to this. Without hesitating, she said, “Sure, Harry. I’d love to.”
He grinned in relief and squeezed her hand lightly.
She winced at herself as the guilt poured back. She didn’t need to feel this; Draco had betrayed her, not the other way around. He had promised he wouldn’t take the Dark Mark, and instead, he had become a Death Eater.
She glanced at the man beside her. Harry was a good man, and he would treat her well. He loved her once, and she had loved him for a long time as a friend. People always said the best loves begin in friendship. She had to give this a chance.
She was glad she had. It had been ten years since that day. Ginny had fallen in love with Harry – with his honesty, his kindness, his nobility. It would never be something that swept her off her feet, but it was enough.
Harry called for her. “Ginny, I brought coffee.”
Smiling, Ginny picked up the paper off the table and glanced at the front page.
“The Headmaster of Hogwarts sneaking down to the kitchen to solicit food from house elves? McGonagall would’ve been so shocked,” Ginny teased.
Harry grinned. “Dobby brought it up for us. After five years of me being here, he knows what we like.”
“Did he bring the paper?”
Harry handed her a steaming mug. “Yes. It has some good news in it, too.”
Ginny grabbed the Prophet from Harry’s hand and glanced at the front page.
Ginny blanched in surprise and horror.
Harry wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, and for an instant she swore she felt Draco’s breath hot in her ear.
“Angel,” she whispered slowly, in a trance of memories long ago.
Harry asked her quietly, “What’s that, sweetheart?”
She shook her head at him quickly.
He smiled. “Well, it’s finally safe. Malfoy was one of the last Death Eaters that merited catching.”
She turned into his arms and buried her face in his chest. She had been with Harry for ten years now. Nothing could change that…Merlin, they were getting married! It had taken her ten years to decide whether she could live with less than the love she had with Draco. When she had finally said yes, a bit of her heart shattered…but now this was her destiny, her reality. She was going to marry Harry Potter.
Her voice, muffled, came out, “I am so glad you didn’t become an Auror. What if you–" she changed what she was going to say, “were hurt?”
Harry stroked her hair softly. But she bit back the words she had wanted to say. What if you had hurt Draco?
It was then she knew that she had to see him. He had been such a mystery to her – even when she thought she knew him. He nearly killed Dumbledore, then told her he was joining her in the Order, and had finally betrayed the Order to save his mother’s life; she needed to see everything about him. Just one last time, before…well, before her life went on. She had been living in the past for so long, maybe a reminder of it would push her into the present, push her into thinking about her future.
She pulled away from Harry. “I have work to do, Harry. Okay?”
Harry sighed and nodded. She giggled. She knew what he was thinking.
She walked out the door, not heading to her workplace in the Department of Mysteries researching love, but to Azkaban and Draco Malfoy.
She pushed away the lingering feeling that it was there that she belonged, pushed away a hunch that she may never come back here again; she walked off to face the last fear in her life. She was going to face a man who had broken her heart a thousand times over…the man that had ruined her for love from any other.
She couldn't keep away. It was like she was a moth and he the flame. She kept going back to him; it was as if she couldn’t stop herself. Hopefully she would be able to leave him. But she had to find out the truth. What she really felt...was Draco Malfoy the man for her? Was the real lie this engagement to Harry Potter? Or had she just been naive?
So she broke her promise to herself that she wouldn’t return to him. She walked away from a loving, noble man to see a flawed one. Hopefully, she would remember that when she saw him. Hopefully, she would be able to go back to her fiancée.
Ginevra Weasley took a deep breath and stepped into the Azkaban cell of her old love…her betrayer.
He looked at her for a long time. She looked well. The eyes were fiery as he remembered, the hair just as scarlet. She was dressed in black…he supposed it was in mourning for the countless dead. Black suited her.
He pushed away memories of their love that suddenly flooded him as the Dementors left the room. She wasn’t his any longer. He had no right anymore. It was his own fault.
She watched him carefully. His eyes burned silver with shame; this was the life he could never bear, and she knew it. A litany of the dead’s names rang through her head, strengthening her.
“You promised me you would fight for the Order.”
“I promised many people many things.” It wasn’t really an answer and he knew it.
Ginny laughed bitterly. “Did I ever mean a thing to you?”
“I never lied about that.”
“Can I believe that? You pretended to grieve for Narcissa, pretended to follow the Order…”
Draco snapped, “I did do all of those things. I’m not you, Ginny - always doing what’s right. I saved you from rape, murder – even worse – by serving Him. I loved you. That was wrong in itself. You did what was right as always. You betrayed me.”
She glared angrily. “Do you blame me? You followed Him!”
He snarled, “You wouldn’t understand. I never expected you to. That’s why I was so surprised that you came to visit. You have nothing to explain to me.”
She looked at him angrily. “One doesn’t forget the love of her life that easily.”
He spat. “Really? That’s why you’re marrying Potter,” he spat. He looked down. “Over and over – all I see is you betraying me to the Aurors when I came to you to hide from them.”
She winced, and pleaded with him, not knowing why…because he was clearly wrong this time.
“Draco, defeating Voldemort was the most important thing for me. You betrayed that.”
“You expected me to place you before the Dark Lord…while I was second to the Order for you.”
“Because –”
Draco finished. “It was right. Ginny, sometimes you have to make a choice between two evils! Everything isn’t black and white!”
Ginny looked at his eyes, and nearly drowned as memories overtook her.
He pulled away from her mouth, eyes hungry. “Ginny, will you love me?”
“Always,” she breathed. “I believe in you.”
His hand squeezed hers tightly.
He smirked smugly at her dreamy smile. “You may try to forget me, Ginevra Weasley, but you never will. He isn’t everything you need, even if he is what you want. We fit together – we always will.” He wrapped his hands around the iron bars as if they would strengthen him. “I don’t want to watch you marry another man. I don’t want to live here.”
“That’s a coward’s way out.”
“I never claimed to be anything better.”
“I always thought you could be.”
Draco shrugged at her. “You have the wand, Ginny. All I want is for you to do it. You can – I’ve watched you kill my friends.”
Tears ran down her face. “I can’t, Draco.”
He smiled at her sadly. “Can’t you? Are you doing what’s right now…or is this about you? Will my being alive justify your marriage to Potter?” he asked. “You killed me the day you betrayed me – the least you can do is do it properly.”
Ginny shook her head defiantly. “You can’t make me do this, Draco. I have nothing to feel guilty about.”
He turned away.
She looked at him for a long time. As much as she hated him for hurting her, she still loved him enough to spare him from his pain.
“Avada Kedavra.”
Then, too late, realization dawned upon her. He’d never let anyone else have you if he couldn’t. He asked you for freedom, and has condemned you – so that you wouldn’t be anyone else’s.
She laughed helplessly as the Dementors gathered. Once a fool, always a fool.
“Draco!” A shriek ripped from her throat as they dragged her to her new cell.
The End.
kumydabookworm is the author of 5 other stories.
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