Chapter Nine: Hello
Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she’s not breathing?
Hello I’m your mind giving you
Someone to talk to
Hello
If I smile and don’t believe
Soon I know I’ll wake from this dream
Don’t try to fix me I’m not broken
Hello I’m the lie living for you so you can hide
Don’t cry
Suddenly I know I’m not sleeping
Hello I’m still here
And that’s all that’s left of yesterday
-Evanescence
*~*~*~*~*
Draco left Ginevra crying in the empty classroom, alone and miserable. He pleaded with himself in an attempt to guarantee that he was doing the right thing, ‘If I love her as much as I know I do, then it has to be this way.’ He was torturing himself with guilt, he was responsible for causing the only woman he had ever loved more pain than she could ever experience; he had broken her heart, she had opened herself up for rejection a second time, and he had embraced the opportunity to drive the stake further into her already broken heart.
His eyes begged to see her beautiful smile, his lips yearned for her passionate kiss, his heart longed to hear her utter “I love you,” his body craved the feel of her bare skin next to his, but most of all, his soul ached to be near her, to feel the connection that bound them to one another.
Draco could not sleep; he fought with himself for hours, trying to validate the reasons for lying to Ginny. ‘How could I have told her that I never loved her? She could not have believed that I was only with her for sex…she just can’t. Even if this is all over at some point, we can never be together; she will never trust me again, I’ve hurt her too much, I’ve lied too many times.’
“Why did I lie to her to protect her? We could have just gone to Dumbledore and got his help. Why did I have to try and be the hero?” Draco yelled aloud in frustration.
‘Because you saved her once and you thought that you could save her again.’ A voice in his head answered.
“I promised I would never let her get hurt again, and I destroyed her.”
‘She would have experienced a far more severe fate had you not broken things off.’
“Death would have been far less painful than what she is going through right now.”
‘Death would have taken her from you forever, at least this way you still have a chance to be together one day.’
“Oh Merlin, what have I done? I’ve dumped the only girl I love, I broke Ginevra’s heart, I lied, I let Lucius control me, and worst of all I have surrendered by fate to the hands of Lord Voldemort!” Draco could no longer handle the consequences. He had tried to please far too many people and had failed miserably.
Moreover, his latest attempt to convince himself that he was doing what was best for Ginevra had been futile. He had tried to be the noble, good-hearted person that did the right thing, but had only appeared to everyone else as a jerk, as the idiot who found someone who loved him and threw it away as if it were the most insignificant thing in the world.
Draco lay on his bed staring at the blank ceiling, massaging his temples, contemplating his options. “If I tell Ginevra the truth, I know that she will put herself in danger, and Merlin knows that Lucius will follow through on his threat.” Draco said aloud trying to make sense of things. “But if I don’t join the Deatheaters, Lucius will kill me for certain. This is the only way that won’t result in one of us being murdered.” Draco finally decided, as Lucius entered his room interrupting him.
“Good decision boy, I knew that you had a good head on your shoulders, once it was on straight,” Lucius said sarcastically as Draco sent him a deadly glare, willing him to explode and be removed form his life forever.
Draco had been dreading this moment, he knew why Lucius was there, there was no other reason, it was time. It was time for Draco to surrender everything good in his life and adopt of life of evil and corruption, it was time for him to be branded with the dark mark forever more and swear his allegiance to the man, no not even a man, a thing, the most malicious and evil wizard that the magical world had ever witnessed. He was giving up everything he had ever believed in and promised himself, and all to protect his one true love, Ginevra Weasley.
“You know why I am here, now get up off your ass and put something respectable on, you are being initiated by Master in an hour,” Lucius ordered, pronouncing ‘Master’ as if it were the name of a god so high that it was an honour just to speak of him.
*~*~*~*~*
“Come boy!” Lucius commanded Draco as if he were a dog, when they arrived in front of a tall, black door made of mahogany. The stone walls and floor were a cold, uninviting black, and on the walls hung portraits of every Deatheater past and present, a collection of the most evil witches and wizards ever known to the magical world.
Draco did not know their location, however, he was certain that it must be Voldemort’s headquarters. The air was stiff and cold; the ambiance frightened Draco and made him shiver with terror. As Lucius rapped on the door in front of them, the sound echoed for several moments in the long, empty corridors, and with each echo that returned Draco realized how near the moment was coming when he would be initiated.
After an eternity of waiting, the door opened to reveal a room full of people dressed in thick black cloaks, hoods covering their heads, and black masks covering their faces, preventing Draco from identifying anyone else in the room. They were situated in a half circle, with their backs facing the door. When they heard Draco and Lucius enter they separated revealing a path that lead to a stone platform at the front of the room, where Voldemort himself sat in a tall, black, wooden chair.
The room was dark with the exception of a few large candles spread throughout, giving the room a fear-provoking glow. Little could be distinguished, but Draco discovered that this was all part of their plan, in preparation for an attack against them; the purpose to allow them to scatter before being caught.
“Come Malfoy…” Voldemort hissed at Draco and Lucius as he stared Draco up and down, examining the man who would soon become his newest supporter.
Draco hesitated for moment before realizing that it was too late for him to back out now. He slowly edged forward after Lucius, taking careful steps being cautious so as to avoid making any mistake that would have him tortured by Lucius later on. As they approached the platform that raised Voldemort above everyone else in the room, Lucius knelt to the ground and bowed to his master. Draco immediately followed, as they simultaneously rose with Voldemort.
“It is time young Malfoy,” Voldemort stated, knowing he need not explain the suffering that was to follow.
*~*~*~*~*
Draco returned to Hogwart’s late that night, broken, terrified, and in agony. Never had he experienced such torture in all his life, even the merciless beatings and Cruciatus curses from his father for all those years could never have prepared him for the physical pain he had just endured.
‘What have I done? Why didn’t I just go to Dumbledore? This was never what I wanted to happen!’ Draco screamed in his mind. He sat in an armchair in the Slytherin common room reflecting on the past day, holding his head in his hands, openly weeping for the first time in his life.
Draco had destroyed his life, and had nothing left to lose. He knew that he had killed Ginevra with his words earlier that day, and knew that he must tell her the truth if he wanted to turn his life around. ‘I can’t live this lie anymore, it has destroyed my life and Ginevra’s, I have to stop this before it can go any further.’ Draco thought.
Draco had hit rock bottom that night, and he could fall no further into despair. He had found Ginny in that same state many weeks ago, and had saved her, and now he would give her the chance to do the same for him, if she would ever forgive him.
*~*~*~*~*
Draco had stayed up all night running possible scenarios through his head. He wanted to come clean with Ginny immediately and begin to rebuild his life with her, but he knew this would be the most difficult ordeal he would ever be subjected to, but he was willing to go through it all to get her back.
He stood outside the doors of the Great Hall waiting for Ginevra to come down for breakfast that morning, going through precisely what he wanted to say repeatedly in his mind. But when he saw the beautiful redhead coming towards him, it was all forgotten.
‘Oh Merlin, there she is. Please someone help me, I can’t do this…’ Draco thought anxiously. You don’t need help Draco; she loves you, that’s all the help you need. The ever-present voice within him reassured.
Ginny reached the doors where Draco was standing and walked right past him, ignoring his presence. Draco reached out to her, “Ginevra…I’m…I’m sorry!” Draco blurted out sincerely.
Ginny turned to look at him with tears welling up in her swollen eyes. Draco knew that she had been crying again, and felt a lump in his throat as he recognized his responsibility for it. “Please Ginevra, I need you. I need to tell you everything,” Draco said looking into her eyes.
Ginny simply nodded as Draco led her to the empty classroom where they had spoken the previous day.
When Draco had closed the door he slowly moved toward Ginny who had stepped away from him, and pulled her close to him, embracing her tightly. Ginevra cried into his chest as Draco kissed the top of her head. “I’m so sorry Ginevra, I never meant for any of this to happen, I did not mean any of the things I said to you yesterday. Please let me explain. I really do love you, and I need you. I have screwed everything up horribly and I know that you don’t want to hear it, but I have to be honest with you,” Draco exclaimed quickly before Ginny could interrupt.
Ginny pulled away from him slightly to look him in the eyes; she could see he was finally being honest with her and waited for him to continue.
“I don’t know where to start,” Draco said overwhelmed by the situation. “Well I guess the beginning of all this is the best place. The night when you ran to the Astronomy Tower I searched everywhere for you, and I couldn’t find you. When I went back to my room, Lucius was waiting for me, and he threatened to kill you if I kept seeing you. So the next day when I found you in the Astronomy Tower I broke up with you because I was trying to protect you.” Draco began his story, and then paused for a moment as he waited for Ginevra to say something.
Ginny did not say a word, but continued to watch Draco, wanting to hear the rest of his story before deciding whether she believed him, or even if she did believe him, if she would forgive him.
After several moments of silence, Draco decided it best to continue. “Then when I left the Astronomy Tower, Lucius was waiting for me again and had been listening to everything that had happened between us. He threatened to kill me if I didn’t join the Deatheaters, so I promised that I would. Then yesterday when you asked me if I loved you, I lied to you because I knew that if I told you the truth that you would be in danger, and I couldn’t let that happen. I really am extremely sorry Ginevra, I didn’t want to lie to you but at the time I didn’t think there was any other way. I love you more than anything in the world, and I would do anything just to be with you again.” Draco said apologetically.
“That’s all fine Draco, but you hurt me yesterday. Not just when you lied and said that you didn’t love me, but Draco, it hurt me even more to hear you tell me that we were nothing but great sex,” Ginny said painfully.
“Oh Ginevra!” Draco sighed. “I…I…” he stuttered, lost for words. “You know that I did not mean that, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I would be lost completely without you in my life.”
Ginny gave him a slight smirk at how romantic he made it all sound, before he continued, ruining whatever moment he had created. “Well not that we didn’t have good sex, we definitely had great sex, but that wasn’t all we had.”
Draco stopped when he saw the glare that Ginny was giving him, and thought it best to continue. “Well last night, I was thinking about how I had lost everything, you most of all, and how I had hurt you so badly that you would never forgive me, and Lucius showed up. He told me that it was time for my initiation to the Deatheaters. And since I felt like there was nothing to keep me from doing it, I went with him. So we went to Voldemort’s headquarters, and I was given the Dark Mark.” Draco explained while lifting the sleeve of his robe to show Ginevra physical proof that he was telling the truth.
“Oh Draco, what have you done?” Ginny asked with concern, brushing her fingers over the Dark Mark.
“I don’t know; that’s why I needed to talk to you!” Draco said, feeling the tears building up again. “When I got back last night that’s all I could think about, how I have destroyed my life, and…I…Ginevra all I can say is that I’m truly sorry, and I know that doesn’t seem like an adequate apology for all the pain I have caused you, but that’s the best I can do. I love you, and I don’t know where else to go for help. Please forgive me, I need you, I need you to save me from all of this.” Draco replied holding Ginny’s hands in his, desperate for her to understand why he had done all those things.
Ginny looked straight into Draco’s eyes and saw the pain, and remorse he held deep within him, and knew that he was being truthful, and discovered that he needed her help more than she had ever needed his. He had put himself in an extremely dangerous and horribly destructive situation by joining the Deatheaters. Draco had been able to help Ginny get over all of her problems by simply being with her, and holding her close, but she knew the solution to Draco’s troubles was not that simple. More than one life was at stake and she was confused and overwhelmed, all she knew for certain was that she loved Draco, and she could fix one thing in his life: she could show him that love, and tell him that everything was going to be all right.
After quickly thinking the situation over in her mead, Ginny placed her arms around Draco’s neck and pulled him down to her as she kissed him like there would be no tomorrow. Little did they know, for one of them there might not be a tomorrow.
Ginevra pulled away slightly to catch her breath as she muttered with all her strength, “I love you Draco, don’t ever do that to me again!”
Draco simply responded by grabbing her body and pressing his body against hers as he kissed her passionately.
Suddenly the door slammed open, causing the couple to jump apart. A very livid person entered the room, shouting in rage.
*~*~*~*~*
Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she’s not breathing?
Hello I’m your mind giving you
Someone to talk to
Hello
If I smile and don’t believe
Soon I know I’ll wake from this dream
Don’t try to fix me I’m not broken
Hello I’m the lie living for you so you can hide
Don’t cry
Suddenly I know I’m not sleeping
Hello I’m still here
And that’s all that’s left of yesterday
-Evanescence
Draco left Ginevra crying in the empty classroom, alone and miserable. He pleaded with himself in an attempt to guarantee that he was doing the right thing, ‘If I love her as much as I know I do, then it has to be this way.’ He was torturing himself with guilt, he was responsible for causing the only woman he had ever loved more pain than she could ever experience; he had broken her heart, she had opened herself up for rejection a second time, and he had embraced the opportunity to drive the stake further into her already broken heart.
His eyes begged to see her beautiful smile, his lips yearned for her passionate kiss, his heart longed to hear her utter “I love you,” his body craved the feel of her bare skin next to his, but most of all, his soul ached to be near her, to feel the connection that bound them to one another.
Draco could not sleep; he fought with himself for hours, trying to validate the reasons for lying to Ginny. ‘How could I have told her that I never loved her? She could not have believed that I was only with her for sex…she just can’t. Even if this is all over at some point, we can never be together; she will never trust me again, I’ve hurt her too much, I’ve lied too many times.’
“Why did I lie to her to protect her? We could have just gone to Dumbledore and got his help. Why did I have to try and be the hero?” Draco yelled aloud in frustration.
‘Because you saved her once and you thought that you could save her again.’ A voice in his head answered.
“I promised I would never let her get hurt again, and I destroyed her.”
‘She would have experienced a far more severe fate had you not broken things off.’
“Death would have been far less painful than what she is going through right now.”
‘Death would have taken her from you forever, at least this way you still have a chance to be together one day.’
“Oh Merlin, what have I done? I’ve dumped the only girl I love, I broke Ginevra’s heart, I lied, I let Lucius control me, and worst of all I have surrendered by fate to the hands of Lord Voldemort!” Draco could no longer handle the consequences. He had tried to please far too many people and had failed miserably.
Moreover, his latest attempt to convince himself that he was doing what was best for Ginevra had been futile. He had tried to be the noble, good-hearted person that did the right thing, but had only appeared to everyone else as a jerk, as the idiot who found someone who loved him and threw it away as if it were the most insignificant thing in the world.
Draco lay on his bed staring at the blank ceiling, massaging his temples, contemplating his options. “If I tell Ginevra the truth, I know that she will put herself in danger, and Merlin knows that Lucius will follow through on his threat.” Draco said aloud trying to make sense of things. “But if I don’t join the Deatheaters, Lucius will kill me for certain. This is the only way that won’t result in one of us being murdered.” Draco finally decided, as Lucius entered his room interrupting him.
“Good decision boy, I knew that you had a good head on your shoulders, once it was on straight,” Lucius said sarcastically as Draco sent him a deadly glare, willing him to explode and be removed form his life forever.
Draco had been dreading this moment, he knew why Lucius was there, there was no other reason, it was time. It was time for Draco to surrender everything good in his life and adopt of life of evil and corruption, it was time for him to be branded with the dark mark forever more and swear his allegiance to the man, no not even a man, a thing, the most malicious and evil wizard that the magical world had ever witnessed. He was giving up everything he had ever believed in and promised himself, and all to protect his one true love, Ginevra Weasley.
“You know why I am here, now get up off your ass and put something respectable on, you are being initiated by Master in an hour,” Lucius ordered, pronouncing ‘Master’ as if it were the name of a god so high that it was an honour just to speak of him.
“Come boy!” Lucius commanded Draco as if he were a dog, when they arrived in front of a tall, black door made of mahogany. The stone walls and floor were a cold, uninviting black, and on the walls hung portraits of every Deatheater past and present, a collection of the most evil witches and wizards ever known to the magical world.
Draco did not know their location, however, he was certain that it must be Voldemort’s headquarters. The air was stiff and cold; the ambiance frightened Draco and made him shiver with terror. As Lucius rapped on the door in front of them, the sound echoed for several moments in the long, empty corridors, and with each echo that returned Draco realized how near the moment was coming when he would be initiated.
After an eternity of waiting, the door opened to reveal a room full of people dressed in thick black cloaks, hoods covering their heads, and black masks covering their faces, preventing Draco from identifying anyone else in the room. They were situated in a half circle, with their backs facing the door. When they heard Draco and Lucius enter they separated revealing a path that lead to a stone platform at the front of the room, where Voldemort himself sat in a tall, black, wooden chair.
The room was dark with the exception of a few large candles spread throughout, giving the room a fear-provoking glow. Little could be distinguished, but Draco discovered that this was all part of their plan, in preparation for an attack against them; the purpose to allow them to scatter before being caught.
“Come Malfoy…” Voldemort hissed at Draco and Lucius as he stared Draco up and down, examining the man who would soon become his newest supporter.
Draco hesitated for moment before realizing that it was too late for him to back out now. He slowly edged forward after Lucius, taking careful steps being cautious so as to avoid making any mistake that would have him tortured by Lucius later on. As they approached the platform that raised Voldemort above everyone else in the room, Lucius knelt to the ground and bowed to his master. Draco immediately followed, as they simultaneously rose with Voldemort.
“It is time young Malfoy,” Voldemort stated, knowing he need not explain the suffering that was to follow.
Draco returned to Hogwart’s late that night, broken, terrified, and in agony. Never had he experienced such torture in all his life, even the merciless beatings and Cruciatus curses from his father for all those years could never have prepared him for the physical pain he had just endured.
‘What have I done? Why didn’t I just go to Dumbledore? This was never what I wanted to happen!’ Draco screamed in his mind. He sat in an armchair in the Slytherin common room reflecting on the past day, holding his head in his hands, openly weeping for the first time in his life.
Draco had destroyed his life, and had nothing left to lose. He knew that he had killed Ginevra with his words earlier that day, and knew that he must tell her the truth if he wanted to turn his life around. ‘I can’t live this lie anymore, it has destroyed my life and Ginevra’s, I have to stop this before it can go any further.’ Draco thought.
Draco had hit rock bottom that night, and he could fall no further into despair. He had found Ginny in that same state many weeks ago, and had saved her, and now he would give her the chance to do the same for him, if she would ever forgive him.
Draco had stayed up all night running possible scenarios through his head. He wanted to come clean with Ginny immediately and begin to rebuild his life with her, but he knew this would be the most difficult ordeal he would ever be subjected to, but he was willing to go through it all to get her back.
He stood outside the doors of the Great Hall waiting for Ginevra to come down for breakfast that morning, going through precisely what he wanted to say repeatedly in his mind. But when he saw the beautiful redhead coming towards him, it was all forgotten.
‘Oh Merlin, there she is. Please someone help me, I can’t do this…’ Draco thought anxiously. You don’t need help Draco; she loves you, that’s all the help you need. The ever-present voice within him reassured.
Ginny reached the doors where Draco was standing and walked right past him, ignoring his presence. Draco reached out to her, “Ginevra…I’m…I’m sorry!” Draco blurted out sincerely.
Ginny turned to look at him with tears welling up in her swollen eyes. Draco knew that she had been crying again, and felt a lump in his throat as he recognized his responsibility for it. “Please Ginevra, I need you. I need to tell you everything,” Draco said looking into her eyes.
Ginny simply nodded as Draco led her to the empty classroom where they had spoken the previous day.
When Draco had closed the door he slowly moved toward Ginny who had stepped away from him, and pulled her close to him, embracing her tightly. Ginevra cried into his chest as Draco kissed the top of her head. “I’m so sorry Ginevra, I never meant for any of this to happen, I did not mean any of the things I said to you yesterday. Please let me explain. I really do love you, and I need you. I have screwed everything up horribly and I know that you don’t want to hear it, but I have to be honest with you,” Draco exclaimed quickly before Ginny could interrupt.
Ginny pulled away from him slightly to look him in the eyes; she could see he was finally being honest with her and waited for him to continue.
“I don’t know where to start,” Draco said overwhelmed by the situation. “Well I guess the beginning of all this is the best place. The night when you ran to the Astronomy Tower I searched everywhere for you, and I couldn’t find you. When I went back to my room, Lucius was waiting for me, and he threatened to kill you if I kept seeing you. So the next day when I found you in the Astronomy Tower I broke up with you because I was trying to protect you.” Draco began his story, and then paused for a moment as he waited for Ginevra to say something.
Ginny did not say a word, but continued to watch Draco, wanting to hear the rest of his story before deciding whether she believed him, or even if she did believe him, if she would forgive him.
After several moments of silence, Draco decided it best to continue. “Then when I left the Astronomy Tower, Lucius was waiting for me again and had been listening to everything that had happened between us. He threatened to kill me if I didn’t join the Deatheaters, so I promised that I would. Then yesterday when you asked me if I loved you, I lied to you because I knew that if I told you the truth that you would be in danger, and I couldn’t let that happen. I really am extremely sorry Ginevra, I didn’t want to lie to you but at the time I didn’t think there was any other way. I love you more than anything in the world, and I would do anything just to be with you again.” Draco said apologetically.
“That’s all fine Draco, but you hurt me yesterday. Not just when you lied and said that you didn’t love me, but Draco, it hurt me even more to hear you tell me that we were nothing but great sex,” Ginny said painfully.
“Oh Ginevra!” Draco sighed. “I…I…” he stuttered, lost for words. “You know that I did not mean that, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I would be lost completely without you in my life.”
Ginny gave him a slight smirk at how romantic he made it all sound, before he continued, ruining whatever moment he had created. “Well not that we didn’t have good sex, we definitely had great sex, but that wasn’t all we had.”
Draco stopped when he saw the glare that Ginny was giving him, and thought it best to continue. “Well last night, I was thinking about how I had lost everything, you most of all, and how I had hurt you so badly that you would never forgive me, and Lucius showed up. He told me that it was time for my initiation to the Deatheaters. And since I felt like there was nothing to keep me from doing it, I went with him. So we went to Voldemort’s headquarters, and I was given the Dark Mark.” Draco explained while lifting the sleeve of his robe to show Ginevra physical proof that he was telling the truth.
“Oh Draco, what have you done?” Ginny asked with concern, brushing her fingers over the Dark Mark.
“I don’t know; that’s why I needed to talk to you!” Draco said, feeling the tears building up again. “When I got back last night that’s all I could think about, how I have destroyed my life, and…I…Ginevra all I can say is that I’m truly sorry, and I know that doesn’t seem like an adequate apology for all the pain I have caused you, but that’s the best I can do. I love you, and I don’t know where else to go for help. Please forgive me, I need you, I need you to save me from all of this.” Draco replied holding Ginny’s hands in his, desperate for her to understand why he had done all those things.
Ginny looked straight into Draco’s eyes and saw the pain, and remorse he held deep within him, and knew that he was being truthful, and discovered that he needed her help more than she had ever needed his. He had put himself in an extremely dangerous and horribly destructive situation by joining the Deatheaters. Draco had been able to help Ginny get over all of her problems by simply being with her, and holding her close, but she knew the solution to Draco’s troubles was not that simple. More than one life was at stake and she was confused and overwhelmed, all she knew for certain was that she loved Draco, and she could fix one thing in his life: she could show him that love, and tell him that everything was going to be all right.
After quickly thinking the situation over in her mead, Ginny placed her arms around Draco’s neck and pulled him down to her as she kissed him like there would be no tomorrow. Little did they know, for one of them there might not be a tomorrow.
Ginevra pulled away slightly to catch her breath as she muttered with all her strength, “I love you Draco, don’t ever do that to me again!”
Draco simply responded by grabbing her body and pressing his body against hers as he kissed her passionately.
Suddenly the door slammed open, causing the couple to jump apart. A very livid person entered the room, shouting in rage.
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